Love Is Ǝvil

32 Suck My Dick

The next morning was only barely better, but he managed to get out of his bed and to put some clothes on. For situations like these, he always kept some comfy, cozy, baggy clothes around, if he sank away in them, perfect. Still trying to be invisible, little gay looking boy? Yeah tough luck, that ship sailed about a decade ago. After he forced some breakfast down his throat, he felt slightly more equipped to handle the day to come. He knew, just getting out of bed wasn't enough, he needed to get out of his house, needed to see his friends. Being so absorbed into his own mind and its downward spiral, that would only get worse if he stayed here all alone. Calling someone on the phone was only marginally helping. I know what helps, a good, thorough fucking. There's too much space inside you empty, bitch. Also, he didn't want to put Nicolas through another hours long call. It must've been awful for him to speak so much yesterday, Marshall didn't want to be a burden on him. This was his shit, not Nicolas's. Besides, that night made him doubt their relationship was a good idea after all. For so many reasons.

Marshall took a deep breath and focused his eyes on the traffic Big Eight was driving them through. This was not the time to think about that and he was in no condition to make any decisions at the moment. He knew that. I'm always surprised when you show self-awareness. Makes your denial even worse, fag. Only thing he could do and needed to do right now was to write and spend some time with his friends. Which already sounded like a too taxing plan. He wanted to crawl back into his bed, if he was honest. But he knew from the past, this would help, however impossible it seemed, this would actually help him. It needed to help.

Didn't mean it was easy. Holding his focus onto the outside world was hard and he didn't want to speak to anybody as they arrived at the studio. Not even a greeting left his mouth as he walked in. He gave the row of arcade games in the foyer a long look - no, he wasn't in the mood for a game. So he walked past them, walked way into the back of the building and into a small room to lounge in. He was here, after all, that was enough for now.

Lazily he pushed forward through some of the beats, that were always stuck in his player. Nothing sounded appealing, but how could they? As if somebody cared to waste their quality beats on him ... He took a deep breath. Not true, he told himself, you made it, dumbass, you're the artist of a whole fucking decade. That meant something. Probably.

"Hey, you came. I thought you were sick?" Ryan entered the room with his usual shiny personality. At least to Marshall right now, he seemed shiny and gleeful. His friend stopped in the motion of sitting down, halfway down but still ass hanging in the air above the couch cushion. "What happened to you?", he asked surprised and concerned. "You look like your dog just died."

Marshall raised an eyebrow to that comparison. "Not very original. Don't I deserve some more brainpower?" More accurately, he felt worse than if their dog had just died.

An eye roll. "You look like shit. That original enough for you?", Ryan responded. Finally sitting down, he leaned over and, like usual, eyed Marshall up closely and piercingly. With a low voice he asked: "Did you ... get attacked again?"

"No", Marshall snorted abrasively, in the same instant he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie more securely over his wrists and just all of his hands for good measure. But that couldn't hide the spots on his jaw. They were only faint, almost imperceptible under the right light. Come on, slut, wear your trophies with pride. Next time, ask him to grab harder and show off what you want them all to do to you. But Ryan made sure to perceive everything about him, evidently. "No, I wasn't", he repeated.

Ryan made a low, disbelieving sound. "You really need to be more careful with your ... conquests, the world is full with crazy people. Besides, I thought you liked Nicolas. You should try this harder, he seems to at least. I mean, a month or so is pretty short even for you. Maybe take this a little more serious?"