Love Is Ǝvil

42 Text Messages (Skit)

Nicolas: sweet dreams, ice princess

Marshall: you say that every night

Nicolas: so? you don't like it?

Marshall: no no, I do, kinda

Nicolas: kinda?

Marshall: doesn't it sound weird to you?

Nicolas: weird how?

Marshall: I mean, what am I, a disney cartoon?

Nicolas: well, yah, kinda

Marshall: kinda?

Nicolas: you easily break out into a song mid-sentence. you didn't have a father, or much of a mother, but an evil step-parent. you like animals. you had a near-death experience. you overcame some very long odds. you look very pretty in a dress, and eternally young. you have a rebellious character. need I go on?

Marshall: you like disney movies? really?

Nicolas: doesn't everybody?

Marshall: I only watch them cause of my daughters. Whitney's still running through the house with a frying pan. she wants to grow her hair to her ankles now

Nicolas: sounds about right

Marshall: not if that's what you mean. I ain't a stupid princess, disney or otherwise

Nicolas: don't tell me, you're the only girl who didn't want to be a princess growing up?

Marshall: damnit, why do I have to remind you that I ain't a girl?

Nicolas: for the same reason I have to remind you that I'm well aware of your dick?

Marshall: I don't even look like a girl. never have

Nicolas: I like how you look. I could watch you all day

Marshall: that I wore a dress once or twice doesn't mean anything

Nicolas: it looked good on you. adorable. beautiful

Marshall: stop saying that!

Nicolas: calm down, I mean it as a compliment

Marshall: how can I calm down? you take me for a girl. you want me to be a girl. I ain't a fucking girl! if you want pussy so bad, fucking date one! this shit's fucking stupid

Nicolas: you want me to say "sweet dreams, kitten" instead?

Marshall: no! I want you to fucking stop saying this bullshit altogether

Nicolas: you just said you like it

Marshall: I'd like it more, if you stopped calling me a girl all the damn time

Nicolas: I don't mean it literal

Marshall: but you're saying it, so you must mean something!

Nicolas: yeah, as a compliment. just take it, alright?

Marshall: no, it's not alright, dickhead. how you like it if I kept calling you a girl?

Nicolas: that's not the same thing

Marshall: it's humiliating, that's what it is

Nicolas: again, I don't mean it literal and I don't mean it in a bad way

Marshall: just stop it, aight

Nicolas: fine. what pet name would you like me to call you?

Marshall: you don't have to call me anything. marshall's fine