Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

The End Of All Things

I manage to get some sleep. However, it was far from peaceful. Pete is staying in our guest room to keep an eye on me. I think he's afraid I might go into labour early.

My sleep was filled with dreams and memories of our life together. Our wedding day, the vows that Brendon had written for me. Which were later recorded for Too Weird To Live Too Rare To Die.

Whether near or far
I am always yours
Any change in time
We are young again

Lay us down
We're in love
Lay us down
We're in love

In these coming years
Many things will change
But the way I feel
Will remain the same

Whenever he sings End of All Things, it always takes me back to our wedding day. It wasn't a lavis affair. We didn't want that. Hell, we were two 18 yr olds thinking we knew what we were doing. It was just us, Ryan, Spencer, Brent, and my best friend Shauna as witnesses. I do t regret marrying so young, and I wouldn't change anything for the world, but it's not always been easy. Over the years, we have had our fair share of problems and fights. What couple doesn't? The main problem is that we are both hot-headed, stubborn, and quick tempered.

Our fights have never been physical, but they can be aggressive. I am the first to admit that I can be difficult to live with, but so can Brendon. I have always supported his dreams and those for the band right from the beginning. I always believed they would make it. Even when I was working 2 jobs so the guys could concentrate on the band, and then when they did their first tour. I stayed home to work to ensure we still had a regular income coming into the bank.  I couldn't be prouder of how far they have come over the years. They have worked so damn hard. I remember Bren saying "Carly I will give you the world if you let me" when he proposed at prom. Well, he certainly has. The places we have seen together whilst on tour, the things we have done, we have been very lucky and privileged, bit the boys worked chard for it.  When Ryan and John left, then Spencer & Dallon it really hurt Brendon, and he was in a really difficult and dark place. It was so hard seeing our friends leave. Obviously, we understood why, and we both  supported them fully. However. It's times like these  when Brendon turns to alcohol and weed to help ease his tensions and worries. This is when he retreats into himself and shuts me out. He can become so infuriating and self-destructive at times. I've always known how Brendon deals with shit situations , he was the same at school, but it still hurts like hell when he takes his frustrations out on me, and I bear the brunt of his temper.

My dreams took me back to that day. The day of Brendon's accident. He had stormed out of the house in a mood.

**FLASHBACK**

We had been arguing over something stupid & and petty, but his mood and my pregnancy hormones were not a good match. He has been having a particularly hard time at rehearsals recently. Some things were just not coming together. He was also a bit off, but he always brushed me off, telling me that he was fine.
"Bren, what is going on with you? I ask. All I got was a grunt in reply. "Brendon!" I shout. "I would appreciate a reply or even an acknowledgement that I just spoke to you." Brendon turned round and glared at me. "How in the hell are you able to help me?" he shouts. "You are almost 30 weeks pregnant. It's not like you can physically help and why the fuck is all this baby stuff lying around? We can't get moving around here!" I was taken aback by his tone, which instantaneously got my back up and my my fight or flight  kicked in. "I can still talk through ideas with you, offer suggestions and support. and for your information..." I say pointing  at the offending articles.  "This "baby stuff" is the Crib and dressers that are still waiting to go upstairs to the nursery. You know the ones that you said to and I quote "leave them, and I will take them upstairs and start building!" By this time, I was so pissed and angry at him. "Do you know what? Don't even bother with them. I'll get it done myself. "Oh yeah?" he replies,"and just how the hell are you gonna get them upstairs?" he laughs. He had that smug look on his face, knowing that I can't physically take the furniture upstairs by myself.   "Oh, don't YOU worry your pretty little head about that. I WILL deal with it, asshole." I yell back at him. Brendon just stood there looking at me as if I had 2 heads. "Carlyn, I am SO done with all of this SHIT!!. I'm tired of talking about what needs to be done before the baby comes. What needs done  before the tour starts and everything else that goes along with it.  Everyone wants a piece of me!! I need to get away from here for a while, I can't deal with this right now!" he retorts. The last words he heard from me were, "Fine GO then. FUCK OFF!!, see if I care, and dont you think for one minute that I CAN'T do this without YOU, Brendon Boyd Urie, because I am more than capable of doing this on my own!!" I scream as he slams the door shut. His parting words were "Fuck you Carlyn!"

**END OF FLASHBACK **

I wake with a jump, sweat pouring from me. What if Brendon never wakes up. My last words were said in anger. I never meant them.

**Petes POV**

I hear crying coming from Carlyns room. We had both finally managed to get some sleep, but now we are awake again. I checked my phone for the time, and see it's 4.30 am. Patrick had sent a message earlier saying things were still the same at the hospital. Meagan had also checked in to see how Carlyn was doing. What can I say? She's falling apart but trying to keep it together for Brendons sake.

I decide get up. I head to the kitchen, switch the kettle on and make us some tea. I grab our mugs and head up to Carlyns room, knocking gently on her bedroom door.
"Come in, Pete," She barely whispers. She is curled up in a pair of Brendons sweats and one of his t shirts. She gently takes the cup from me and sighs.
"Pete, what am I going to do if he doesn't wake up?"
"Don't think like that, Carlyn. It's only been a few days. His brain needs time to recover, and the doctors said it could even take months. The main thing is he's still fighting. He's  still hanging on." I tell her that Patrick has been in touch and that everything was ok at the hospital. There is no change. I can see she is starting to fall asleep again, so I tuck her in and decide  to head back to my own bed. "Hey Pete?"she whispers, "Thank you for being there for me, for us."
"Always, Carlyn.  We are family." Closing the bedroom door, I try and swallow down the lump in my throat and hold back thectears  that are  threatening to fall.