secrets.

Chapter 4

Once Christopher was asleep, me and Eddie where sat on the couch, with a comfortable distance between us. We sat in silence for a minute, I didn't wanna be the one to start, because I knew that I was gonna end up telling him everything. "So, tell me Evan, what's wrong with you? I'm worried, like I've already said, so tell me, please." Eddie says in a calm voice. I was terrified to tell him. What if he hated me? Judged me? Laughed at me? But then I remember, this is Eddie. My best fucking friend. The guy I spend basically everyday with, he wouldn't judge. "Well where do I even start? I mean the eating thing. It's mostly because I'm so unhappy with myself, with the way I look. I feel, idk, ugly ig. I feel like my body is disgusting and I wanna change that, so I've been on this diet for a few weeks. I don't know what to do about my face tho. I feel unattractive, like I'm only good enough for sex, not for loving yk? I don't want you to look at me differently. I don't wanna feel pathetic. I just wanna be good enough for someone, pretty enough. I know that sounds weird, and guys don't usually think like me but I can't help it. I don't wanna loose you cause you think I'm stupid. I- I really like you Eddie." The words just came spilling out. Fuck. I just said i liked him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "Evan. I would never judge you okay? You are so beautiful man, there's nothing wrong with you face, there's nothing wrong with your body, you are perfect Evan, I just can't believe that you don't see that, and I'm sorry. I will try help you through this as much as I can Buck okay?" He said, as he moved closer to me, giving me a hug. As soon as his arms wrapped around me I started sobbing, and spilling out more. "I feel like no one loves me, my parents don't, maddie feels like she has to, the 118 think I'm a disappointment i don't wanna feel like this anymore." I cried, hugging him tighter. "Hey Evan, look at me, okay. I love you. Chris loves you. Maddie definitely loves you. You are so loved and I hate that you can't see that. I- I really like you Buck. I like you more than you think." "More than just a friend?" I ask, sobbing. Everything goes quiet for a moment. Eddie lets go of me, cups my teary face, looks my dead in the eyes and says, "yes, Evan. I like you more than a friend. I hope you feel the same way, but if you don't that's okay beca-" I cut him off by smashing my lips into his. He kisses me back, passionately. I can't believe this. Eddie fucking Diaz is kissing me. O. M . G. After a few seconds, that felt like minutes, we pull away.

"Wow." Eddie says. "Yeah. Uhm i guess that shows that I like you too?" I say, trying to lift the akward mood. He chuckles, god his smile is so beautiful. "Well Evan. I just want you too know that I like you. And you are so beautiful to me." He says, grabbing my face again. I just sob. I don't know what else to do. "Hey hey your okay, come here." He says, pulling me in for a hug. "And I would never laugh at you for something like this. Ever." "I'm sorry." I say, it's the only two words I could say. "Don't apologise mi amor." he replies, calmly. "You can stay over if you want, I'll take the couch." "No Eddie, this is your house, I'll take the couch." I say. "Okay fine, but only if your sure, my beds available Buck. You know that." He says, before kissing my forehead and saying good night.

I lay on his couch for hours, awake, just thinking about what the fuck happened. I mean I kissed Eddie, Eddie kissed me. It was the best night of my life, but we can't tell anyone yet. I don't know what we are, but no one can know just yet. This will be the biggest secret I've ever kept.