secrets.

Chapter 8

-TW:SICK/EATING ISSUES-

A couple days later, Eddie was discharged from hospital, but before we left, we had a serious talk. "I want you to be Christopher's legal Gardinen, I've already changed my will, so legally, you already are. I did it last year." He starts. "What? Don't you have to run it by me?" "My lawyer said you could refuse." "I wouldn't." I sternly say. "I know u wouldn't babe." "You said you did this last year, why only tell me now." I ask, "because Evan. You act like your so expendable, you act like your life means nothing to no one. You said 'I wish I got shot, it would be better for everyone.' And that's simply un true. Christopher loves you like a second dad. I love you, Evan. It would not have been better." He says, holding my face softly. "Did you say, you loved me?." "Yes buck. I love you. You don't have to say it back, I know it's soon, but I really do love you." He adds. "I love you too Eddie." I say, tears in my eyes. "Hey no crying, your okay. Let's go over to Athena's, she said Chris is already there with Carla, god knows why." Eddie says, and so we do.

Once they arrived at Athena's, everyone was waiting at the table (the 118) and when Eddie walked in everyone ran up too him. Chris got the first hug, then hen, then Bobby, Athena, chimney, may, Carla, harry and finally I got one. "Hey buck, them hickeys are healing!!" Chimney said. "Oi chim, leave my brother alone." Maddie said as she entered the house. "Omg mads, hey!!" I shout, hugging her. "Hey Evan." She replies, hugging me back. "How are you Eddie?" "I'm okay thank you." Eddie replies. "I cooked dinner so cmon sit down." Athena says, and everyone does. I didn't eat much, and I think everyone noticed. "Buck, eat up." Athena said. "Sorry mom, I mean Athena." I say, embarrassed I just called her mom. "No hunny u where right the first time." She says, smiling. "Athena's right tho buck, eat up." Bobby adds. I have a couple bites before I start feeling ill. "May I be excused?" I ask, "yeah go on baby." Athena says, so I get up and go to the bathroom, little did I know, Eddie followed me. I start vomiting, Eddie comes in too check if I'm okay, and sees im making myself sick. Fuck. I forgot to lock the stupid door. I'm such a tit. "Omg Evan what the fuck." He says, coming over to me. "Stop, cmon wash your hands." "No please go I don't want you to see this Eddie!!" I say, tears forming in my eyes. I felt pathetic. "Hey buck. Do not be embarrassed okay? Wash your hands and come with me, we can get you water." He says, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. I washed my hands and he flushed the toilet. "I'm so sorry ed. I'm so fucking sorry." I say, I start sobbing. Why am I always fucking sobbing? "Hey hey shhh it's okay ev." He says, hugging me. "Cmon let's get water, you have to tell someone your doing that tho Evan. It's not healthy mi amor." He says, guiding me back to the kitchen. "I can't." I say. "Athena come here please." Eddie says, and she does. "Can you speak to your son while i get him water?" He asks "yeah of course. Is he okay?" She asks. "Ask him." He says, before going to the kitchen. Me and Athena head to her room to talk. "What's wrong baby?" She asks, hugging me. I begin sobbing, again. "Im just so unhappy with myself I hate everything about me momma. I feel so fucking ugly." I say inbetween cry's. "Oh my baby, im so sorry. We can get through this okay? I love you. Your not ugly, i promise. Your my beautiful boy." She adds. I hate talking about it with people. I hate it more than anything. Eddie comes through with the water, "how is he?" He asks. "I'm good eddie." I say. "Are you sure."  "Yeah." I say. He sits down next to me, "yk you don't have to hide from me buck. If your going through things I wanna help." He says grabbing my hand. "Wait. Are you two?" Athena asks. "May I?" He asks, "go ahead." "Yeah. But please don't say anything yet." Eddie says, "oh I won't, but look after my boy okay?" She says to him sternly. "Trust me, i will." He replies. "Can we go back through now?" I ask, "of course baby." Athena says, and we head back to everyone else.

-OKAY LITTLE AUTHORS NOTE OR WTV BUT I DONT SEE MALE EATING/BODY STRUGGLES TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH AND I WANTED TO BRING THEM SOME LIGHT, I STRUGGLE MYSELF WITH THIS AND IF ANYONE ELSE DOES I HOPE THIS SHOWS YOUR NOT ALONE MLS, TAKE CARE <33-