Camryn Quinn is finally getting what she wants...sort of. Moving into a dorm and away from her not so supportive father is a good first step, but like everything with him, it comes with strings. She must attend the college of his choosing for at lea...
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On Tuesday, I do something new. I beat Camryn to our session. Sure, I had to practically sprint across campus and skip breakfast, but after hearing Cal's offer I need to be on full alert the next time I see her.
If her brother is willing to pay me to give him information about her, I need to gather a little information for myself. I can't agree to work with him without knowing exactly what I'm getting myself in to.
Sliding into my side of the table, I pull my computer out. I do a quick google search of problems a girl might have. The only possible answers I get are about dating, friendship, and menstruation. I go ahead and close my computer completely.
Camryn walks in moments later, headphones in and baseball cap pulled down tightly over her eyes. She's busy pressing buttons on her phone and doesn't see me. When she finally sense me she goes stiff, deer in a headlights look on her face. It could very well be the problem her brother mentioned. She spooks easily. Maybe it causes her to have a seizure or some shit.
She doesn't say start convulsing, and doesn't speak. Instead, she turns around and walks completely out of the room. I maintain my post at the table, examining her with an imaginary magnifying glass. So far, nothing is out of the ordinary, but I've never quite looked at Camryn like this before.
"Nope, right room," she says as she enters the second time, this time sitting her things down and getting settled in. I maintain my post at the table, examining her with an imaginary magnifying glass. So far, nothing is out of the ordinary, but I've never quite looked at Camryn like this before. Okay, I've looked at her. She's attractive and easy to look at, but until now specific features weren't a thing. She was all legs and I've never noticed all the piercings in her ear. She must have at least five on one side and in spots I didn't even know they could stick a needle through. All filled with hoops or delicate little stones. But holes in her ears is hardly a reason to be concerned.
We've engaged in a staring contest now, but I break first and then narrow my eyes, "You good?" I ask cautiously.
"Aside from the extra joy I feel from picturing how I'm going to kick you in the balls if you don't stop staring at me like that, peachy." I must wince at that comment because a small smile spreads across her lips before she quickly forces them straight again. "Now can we get started or do you need me to get my doctor on the phone to tell you just how fine I am?" she asks.
I'm half tempted to tell her yes, because maybe the problem is medical and her doctor could clear it up for me. I have a feeling it wouldn't go over well so I just nod and pull out my book. I finger my way to the orange tab she made me put there during our last session.
"Thank Jesus," she whispers under her breath.
I do my work like I'm told, but I keep one eye on her the entire time.
🏈🏈🏈
My mom picks up on the first ring, as if waiting for my call. "I was starting to think you forgot about me," she whines.
"Hi Mama." It comes out with a laugh.
"It's like I have to be dying or something to get your attention!" Her joke isn't even remotely funny, but keeping things light is her way of dealing with the bullshit hand she's dealt.
"I've been busy," I start, and quickly add "but never too busy for you. Sorry I haven't called." She forgives me quickly. I'm sure it's only because I immediately give her a full update on everything that has happened since our last conversation. It's pathetic really, the way we swap doctor updates, my knee getting better with each therapy appointment, her prognosis and first few treatments not so good.
The conversation gets off track when I mention tutoring and Camryn. "The coach's daughter?!" she squeals. "Now I know that is a trope straight from one of my favorite romcoms."
"Relax, if you saw the way she looks at me you would be concerned. I barely make it through our two hours together without her threatening to hurt me." By the end of the statement I'm no longer chuckling. Cal's offer has flown to the front of my mind.
"So Ma, tell me about the trial drug they want to use." She's quickly glazed over it the last time we talked, knowing that we can't afford it. She attempts to recreate that conversation by quickly asking me about any other girls I may be seeing. Stating that she would like me to actually introduce her to one of my girls before she dies. Again with the jokes.
"What if I told you that I found a way to pay for it?" I explain. "A friend is willing to loan me the money." It's only a partial lie, but it burns my tongue coming out. I've never had to lie to my mom outside of when absolutely necessary like the time I accidentally ripped her autographed Matthew McConahoey poster from a How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days premiere. To this day she thinks it got lost in one of our moves. This also feels like a necessary time to lie. She wouldn't understand it, and honestly, I don't feel like discussing Camryn any more.
"What do you mean a loan? Taylor, that is too much money. You should never get yourself into that kind of debt."
"What else can we do?" I ask as she begins to say, "I will do the chemo and go from there."
"Please, just let me do this for you," I plea. I haven't even agreed to help Cal out yet, but seeing my mom's face and how weak she already looks is crippling. I try, but I can't seem to push away the memories of before. How each day I saw her it was like she lost another pound, a little bit of her glow faded until her color and body looked straight out of The Corpse Bride. Eventually she was barely able to move in and out of the hospital without a wheelchair.
"Please, Mom. I need to know that we tried everything. If you start it and it's worse than the last treatment you say the word and it's done. We at least have to try." The tears I want to cry begin streaming down my mom's face as she nods. A silent agreement.
"Just be careful, Tay. Don't do something you will regret." I want to ask her how I could regret giving her something that could make her get better? I want to ask her what else I'm supposed to do? The only other option at this point, according to the doctors, is for me to picture a world without her in it. I can't, and won't do that. Who would I talk to, who would raise Nora? If I agree to help Cal, if I pay for her treatment, she could get better. She has to get better.
Instead of any of those things, I remind her that I love her and that everything I do is for her and Nora. It's the one thing I never want her to forget.
