Camryn Quinn is finally getting what she wants...sort of. Moving into a dorm and away from her not so supportive father is a good first step, but like everything with him-it comes with strings. She must attend the college of his choosing for at leas...
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I beat Camryn to our session, something that is completely new for me. Sure, I had to practically sprint across campus and skip breakfast, but after last night and hearing Cal's offer, I needed a chance to be prepared to see her, to be on full alert. If her brother is willing to pay me to give him information about her, I need to gather information myself. If I do agree to work with him, I need to know what I'm getting myself into.
I slide into my seat at the table and pull my phone out while I wait for her to arrive. I do a quick google search of problems that girls can have and only get a list about dating, friendship, and menstruation before I give up the research and put my phone away right as Camryn walks in.
She has headphones in and a baseball cap pulled so far over her eyes that I can't see them. Her head is looking down at her phone probably to turn it off. She goes stiff when she sees me. So maybe that's her 'problem' nine mentioned. She gets scared easily.
She doesn't say a word, but exits the room, closing the door completely only to walk through it again five seconds later. I just sit and watch it all unfold, trying to pinpoint why I need to look after her.
"Nope, right room." she says as she enters the second time, this time sitting her things down and getting settled.
I study her, waiting for her to say something first, but instead we start a staring contest. I break first and then narrow my eyes, "You good?" I ask cautiously.
"Aside from the extra joy I feel from picturing how I'm going to kick you in the balls if you don't stop staring at me like that, peachy." She responds. I must wince at that comment because a small smile spreads across her lips before she quickly forces them straight again. "Now can we get started or do you need me to get my doctor on the phone to tell you just how fine I am?" She asks.
I'm half tempted to tell her yes, because maybe the problem is medical and her doctor could clear it up and answer my questions, but instead I just nod and pull out my book flipping back to the neon orange page tab she made me put there during our last session.
"Thank Jesus," she whispers under her breath. I do my work, but I continue to eye her the entire session. Just waiting and hoping that something will jump out at me.
🏈🏈🏈
My mom picks up on the first ring, as if waiting for my call. "I was starting to think you forgot about me" she whines.
"Hi mama," I respond with a laugh.
"It's like I have to be dying or something to get your attention!" she says making a joke that isn't even remotely funny, but keeping things light is her way of dealing with the bullshit hand she's dealt. "I've been busy," I start and quickly add "but never too busy for you, sorry I haven't called" She forgives me quickly but only after getting a full update on everything that has happened in the past week since we last talked. Swapping doctor updates, my knee getting better with each therapy appointment, her prognosis not so much, but her first few chemo sessions haven't been too bad.
The conversation gets off track when I mention tutoring and Camryn. "The coach's daughter?!" she squeals. "that is something straight out of one of my favorite rom coms!"
"Relax, I can barely make it through two hours without her threatening to hurt me. Nothing romantic, or funny about it." I do let out a soft chuckle at how fun it has been to mess with her, though. But thinking of Camryn also makes me think of Cal's offer. The real reason I wanted to talk to my mom.
"So ma, tell me about the trial drug they want to use." She's told me about it before but quickly glazed over it, knowing that we were in no position to pay for it. She attempts to recreate the conversation by quickly asking me about any other girls I may be seeing. Stating that she would like me to actually introduce a girl to her before she dies. Again with the jokes, I interrupt her, "What if I told you that I found a way to pay for it?" I explain. "A friend is willing to loan me the money" I lie. It burns my tongue coming out. I've never had to lie to my mom, only when absolutely necessary like the time I accidentally ripped her autographed Matthew McConahoey poster from a How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days premiere. I had to convince her she lost it in one of our many moves. This also feels like a necessary time to lie. She wouldn't understand it, and honestly I don't feel like discussing Camryn any more.
"What do you mean a loan? Taylor, that is too much money. You should never get yourself in that much debt."
"What else can we do?" I ask as she begins to say, "I will do this chemo and go from there."
"Please, just let me do this for you." I plea. I haven't even agreed to help Cal out yet, but seeing my mom's face. How weak she already looks. I push away the memories of before. How each day I saw her it was like she lost another pound, a little bit of her glow faded, until her color and body looked straight out of The Corpse Bride, barely able to walk in and out of the hospital, how she eventually needed a wheelchair at our house too.
"Please mom, I need to know that we tried everything. If you start it and it's worse than the last treatment, you say the word and it's done, but please we have to try." The tears I want to cry begin streaming down my mom's face as she nods. A silent agreement.
"Just be careful, Tay. Don't do something you will regret." I want to ask her how I could regret giving her something that could make her get better? I want to ask her what else I'm supposed to do? The only other option at this point, according to the doctors, is for me to picture a world without her in it, but I can't do that. I won't do that. Who would I talk to, who would raise Nora? If I agree to help Cal, if I pay for her treatment she could get better. She has to get better.
Instead of any of those things, I remind her that I love her, and the one thing I know for sure. That everything I do is for her and Nora. The one thing I never want her to forget.
