Camryn Quinn is finally getting what she wants...sort of. Moving into a dorm and away from her not so supportive father is a good first step, but like everything with him-it comes with strings. She must attend the college of his choosing for at leas...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
We landed at the Minneaplois airport an hour ago, but are just now making it to our hotel because some of the guys refuse to move faster than a snail's pace. And coach has been too distracted to give a fuck, apparently.
I've never seen him so unfocused on the task at hand. It will make for an interesting weekend. Not just for him, but for myself too. I haven't slept since Monday and it's Friday. I've continued through the motions because I have to. Only because I have a scholarship and other people who are counting on me, but not for myself. I've already managed to let one of the people counting on me crack and shatter into a million little pieces right in front of me and did nothing to stop it. Not until it was too late.
I've had a lot of time, too much time to think this week. I tried to confront Cal and Coach at the practice facility, but he quickly pulled me into his office and warned me. His words were filled with threats about how I would lose my scholarship and everything I had worked for, and everything he had worked for, if I blabbed. It was the side of him I can only assume is the one that makes Camryn tremble. His selfishness that did nothing to protect her or nurture her in the way a father should. Everytime I tried to push him and attempted to point out his flaws, all I could see was four fingers pointing back at me. I stopped just as low. I thought that money could solve all of my problems and that I could have everything I wanted. And Coach was right, after all, the reason I did this in the first place is because I needed money to help keep my mom alive. Without a football scholarship or playing time, I could truly lose it all. So I haven't talked about it again, or talked to anyone for that matter.
At least my mom knows the truth now. The first thing I did was call her when I realized Camryn wasn't going to come back or answer my calls. I had to at least do one thing right. I had to tell the only other person who would truly be hurt by my actions. And of course she was. She cried. Her sobs sounded through the other end of the phone and rippled through me. It felt like I was physically hurting her, as if she would wake up black and blue from bruises my choices had caused her.
But even through our collective cries, I couldn't stop thinking selfishly. I only wanted to tell my mom so she would tell me that it would be okay. I needed her to tell me that Camryn could forgive me and that I hadn't lost her forever. But she didn't. She told me I fucked up, she told me I would be lucky if Camryn ever spoke to me again. People don't exist for our enjoyment, Taylor, she spat through the phone. She reminded me that I have to live with my debts forever, before hanging up on me for the first time in my entire life. My mom still hasn't called me since then. She texted me to tell me she still loves me, but even my own mom can't stand the sound of my voice. I don't know why I ever expected Camryn to be able to.
Not that it's stopped me from trying. Alyssa finally slapped me across the face and told me to leave her alone. Alyssa swore that Camryn would never talk to me if I didn't give her time, that I needed to wait and let Camryn come to me. I know Alyssa is right. Camryn works on her own time frame. She has since the moment I met her. She's not going to let me tell her what to do, or when to do it.
It didn't stop me from holding out hope as I walked into the tutor center on Wednesday. I had almost convinced myself that I would walk into that room and that she would be there waiting for me. Even if it wasn't a smile on her face and she kicked me in the balls, I would finally be able to breathe. If anything, it would have given me a different visual of her than the broken one on the front stairs of my house. But she never showed. I waited and waited until I got an email from her supervisor telling me she would be out sick the rest of the week.
I pull myself off the shuttle bus one step at a time and shuffle into the hotel lobby. I grab my room key from one of the assistant coaches and make my way to the third floor before swiping into my room and putting my things down. I change into running shoes and leave the room once more needing to clear my head. The only thing I've done the past few days is workout. I know that punishing myself in the gym won't bring her back, but I've needed to keep myself busy. Busting my ass gives me something else to focus on at least for a little bit.
I thank God the elevator is empty when the doors slide open. Most of the guys won't leave their rooms until dinner. I can't take one more goddamn question about what my problem is. I press the button for the first floor and wait for the familiar jolt. The doors open with a ding and I step out. I lift my headphones over my ears and begin skipping through my playlist to find the right song. I'm not paying attention, so I'm not surprised when I bump into something. What does surprise me however, are the familiar blue eyes staring back at me. I instinctively reach and pull her to me to make sure my mind isn't playing tricks on me more than anything else. Relief floods over me when she lets me and she folds into me seamlessly.
