Wide Open

s e v e n t y t w o

After leaving my father's hotel room, I went and met Alyssa. I still need to talk to Cal, but I don't have the energy to expend and I'm still not sure what to say to him. He's not just family, he's my twin. He's been the only person aside from my mother who has been with me since conception. We share a bond created by nature, but even being bound by the elements couldn't withstand the death of our mom. Out of anyone, Cal should have been the one person able to sympathize with me. But he didn't, and still doesn't. I have no idea where that leaves us.

Alyssa is waiting for me in our hotel room. We were both already planning on being in Minneapolis to cover the game for the paper. I barely make it through the threshold before Alyssa is running towards me with arms wide open. It's almost identical to the one she gave me when she picked me up from the airport, but unlike at the airport, this time I break down. I'm emotionally exhausted from the day, but I need to fully fill her in.

And I do, as we lay with our backs on the floor and legs and feet propped on the wall. It's a modified dead bug pose that Alyssa swore would make me feel better and somehow it does. Being in this position allows me to breathe deeply and fully expand my lungs. I think it also helps that I don't have to look her in the eyes while I share my story again. I've officially met my quota for reading emotional responses for the week. If I have to try to decipher her emotions while keeping my own in check, I might just be an actual dead bug against this wall.

Alyssa lies motionless next to me. She's content with just listening and providing no input. She waits until I'm completely finished before even giving a nod of understanding. The words that follow don't stray too far from what Gabi assured me. Alyssa only lets me know that she loves me, and will always be here for me.

Months ago, when she was just my randomly assigned roommate, I would have threatened to set her hair on fire for attempting to get close to me. But now I do the opposite. I sit up and pull her into another hug and tell her how much I love her and our friendship. It's another reminder that even though I've lost so many things, I've gained so many more.

🏈🏈🏈

My sleep that night was restless. My mind wasn't filled with dreams or nightmares which I am thankful for. It only confirmed just how overtired I am from the events of the week. I won't have a chance to catch up on sleep anytime soon though, because there is another reason I had to fly even further into the midwest this weekend.

Alyssa and I wait in the lobby for the shuttle. She's standing with Anderson, but I'm hiding behind a decorative plant until the rest of the team files onto their bus. Only then do I fully emerge as we wait for the next shuttle to the stadium. The last thing I want to be doing is taking pictures of this game. It doesn't stop me from taking my credentials out proudly as we pull up to the entrance to the stadium. I exhale deeply and let my shoulders relax. I need to walk in with my head held high. If anything positive can come out of this shitty situation, it's that Grey trusts me enough to fund a trip for me to take photographs for the paper. It's just a small snippet that something I'm doing is going to pay off.

My journey with The Daily Scoop began with a goal in mind. I agreed to the opportunity to have another way to demonstrate to my dad that I was ready to be on my own and was going to be okay after so many years of being the opposite. But going into this game and the rest of the season, I have a new goal.

After talking with Gabi, and then seeking Alyssa's advice on the matter, another decision was made last night. Alyssa squealed when I told her the vision I had for myself. She immediately started planning the vision board she would use to help me reach my goal, which I quickly denied. I did, however, let her help me research the schools with the best multimedia journalism programs. State has a good journalism program, it's why Alyssa chose it, but even she agreed that it might be time for me to choose for myself. Although, she did also end the statement by telling me I wasn't allowed to leave her.

Regardless of where I end up, I uncap the lens of my camera with a new confidence and purpose for my assignments. I need to fine tune the portfolio for when I do apply to journalism schools. And getting lost in my art is exactly the type of distraction that I need to keep my thoughts away from the game, and the players.

When we climb back onto the shuttle hours later, I take the time to investigate the evidence of a job well done. Not only did I avoid thinking about Taylor–even as the few State fans in the stands chanted his name, but I took some of my best photos ever. I perfectly captured the pure devastation on our team's faces as they lost their first game of the season–twenty seven to twenty four. I can already hear Alyssa's words that will accompany them. Her story will tell a tale about how the player's hearts just weren't in it today. She will use some captivating imagery about how it was like a cloud of sadness was cast over the stadium, but that this loss will give them the ambition and drive they will need to finish the season with a winning record. Maybe everyone is taking a little heartbreak and motivation away from this city.