Wide Open

s e v e n t y e i g h t

Six Months Later

Shea held on longer than any of us expected after her emergency surgery in January. But she never made it out of the hospital, not until those final weeks. Then her family took her home and made her comfortable by surrounding her with the people and things she loved the most. I only got to see her two more times before she passed away in April.

It was just one week after Taylor had been drafted into the NFL in the first round by the Chicago Bears that his mom passed away in their home. I cried when he called me even though it wasn't a surprise at that point. Even as I sobbed, I don't think the tears were over her now permanent absence in his life, or our story. Many of the tears were because she waited, she waited for Taylor to reach his goal. He was able to do the one thing that she wanted more for him than anything else in the world. Shea waited for Taylor to be completely happy.

She was too sick to leave, so Taylor didn't attend the draft. Instead she got to watch him in person as he got the call on his cellphone. The camera showed him and his entire family in their little living room wearing their Colon Cancer support t-shirts. The sweetest moment was when Taylor began to cry and kiss his mom who also shed her own tears. I couldn't be there because of midterms, but I watched the whole thing at a watch party set up at Taylor's old house by his roommates.

Even after we were able to reconcile in January, Taylor and I have hardly seen each other. Between his mom's illness and training for the combine, and my classes and work our schedules have created an even bigger barrier to having an actual relationship. Instead we've had to rely on Facetime and photographs to reveal the goings on in our lives.

I watched through them as Taylor evolved into what he says is the best version of himself, now that he has me back. I watched from the sidelines as he trained and got into even better shape than I imagined was possible. I've watched the amount of tattoos on his arms increase almost as steadily as the amount of muscle they hold. My favorite of which is a Wren he got on the inside of his right wrist and right next to it is the portrait of his mom he got right after she passed. It's a constant reminder that we're always with him even when we can't be. He also grew his hair back out, the ends are to the point where they curl over the material of his baseball cap in the picture the Bears posted as he signed his contract during his first visit to the facilities.

In the months following our reunion, Taylor has also worked to better understand himself. He and his sister started seeing a counselor together when it was evident that Shea wasn't going to get better. He would call me after every session to tell me new things he had discovered, things that he felt were keeping us apart in the first place. He's not dwelling on the past, but learning from it, to not make similar mistakes in the future.

One day he learned that he subconsciously was looking for an escape from his life. He had too many responsibilities on his shoulders and he was watching them all slip away at once. He took Cal's money because he really needed it, and like he told me before, he never planned to actually get to know me. But when we started to talk, I became his escape. I became the positive light in his life and he latched on. He wanted to end it with me but couldn't and he couldn't stop taking the money because his mom was showing signs of improvement. Even if I hadn't already forgiven him, I would have at that moment. The fact that he was willing to try to make it better meant everything. Just the way his mom had told me it would, back before she even knew everything.

Just like she knew everything would work out for me before I even heard back from any of the schools I applied to. When I got back to Columbus, I used school and the Daily Scoop as a way to keep myself busy and distracted. This time it wasn't to keep me from thinking about Taylor, but to keep myself from hopping on a plane to see him every other week. What started as a way to transform the image of myself in my father's head, ended with me finding a new passion. I continued to create my portfolio with Alyssa's help and ended up getting into all three programs that I applied to. Alyssa cried when I told her—because it finally hit her that I would actually be moving away—but she got over it quickly when she realized she could fly directly and that Anderson would have a game in my new city the following season.