Forged Bonds (BxB)

CHAPTER 45

Kaden and Ethan were talking quietly, Ethan sitting on a stool and my cousin standing across from him, on the other side of the balcony. Kaden was leaning over the counter, as if his boyfriend's words were the most precious thing he could ever hear. But their conversation ceased the second they realized I had entered the kitchen.

For a moment, all of us just stared at each other, and it was so awkward. Although I wanted to be here, and I wanted to apologize, I had no idea how I could actually do it. Apologizing had always been extremely hard for me. The only person who made it easier was Jeovanni, but he wasn't the one I had to apologize to right now.

"What's up, man?" Kaden was the first to break the silence, approaching us and extending his hand for Jeo to shake "I'm Kaden, Jack's cousin"

"Nice to meet you" He shook his hand firmly "I'm Jeovanni"

I watched them shake hands strangely. I felt as if that handshake was symbolizing the way the two sides of my life were meeting. As if two sides of me were meeting. And, even though Jeo brought me some sort of comfort, I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of him meeting this part of my life.

It was one thing for him to know about it, and an entirely different thing for him to actually experience it. Watching that handshake, I debated with myself if bringing Jeo was truly a good idea.

I love you. All versions of you, I tried to remember his words.

"How was your trip?" My cousin asked the both of us, and I controlled the urge of rolling my eyes at the clear small talk he was trying to establish.

"Jack isn't exactly the brightest driver, but we managed to make it here in one piece" Jeo insulted me, and I didn't feel the urge to control my eye roll this time.

"I'm a better driver than you" I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

My gaze travelled to where Ethan was, observing us without saying a word. His shoulders tensed when we locked eyes, and I let out a deep, tired, breath, looking away from him and back to my cousin.

"Alright, let's talk about the elephant in the room now, shall we?" I said like ripping off a band-aid.

Kaden seemed surprised at my bluntness, but he recovered from his shock quickly and nodded, walking over to Ethan and pulling a stool to sit down by his side. I decided to stay in the place my cousin previously was, but sat down on a stool as well. Jeo followed my lead and sat down by my side.

I bounced my leg up and down, having my teeth gritted as I stared at both of them, trying to find a way of starting the conversation. Suddenly, Jeovanni put his hand over my thigh under the balcony, preventing me from keep moving my leg. I took another deep breath.

"Okay, so," I cleared my throat, focusing on my hands as I played with the rings I had stolen from Jeovanni "Um, well..." Another clear of throat "Okay, um..."

I breathed in deeply again.

"Ethan, I fucked up big time" I raised my head to look at him while telling him this "I was shitty to tons of people, but I believe you're the one who I was shittiest to"

"I mean," I continued "I wish I could undo all the things I did. I wish I hadn't beat up you, called you names, and outted you. I really do, but that's unrealistic. So I guess all there's left for me to say is that I'm sorry"

Telling him I was sorry was a mix of feelings. I felt like finally taking a rock off of my chest, a rock that was making it hard for my heart to beat and my lungs to receive air. At the same time, the words felt bitter as I felt I was humiliating myself. Humiliated and relieved. It was a weird combination.