🖤 Emotions♟ | angst 💔 | Zosan 💚💛

12 | Drink.

...

Zoro said drinking makes the pain go away, right?

...

Sanji rushed to the bathroom sink, his mouth leaking with blood. He clutched his stomach in pain as he leaned over the toilet. Not matter how much he tried to puke, it wouldn't come out. It was building up in the back of his throat, making it so Sanji could barely breathe. He stuck two fingers in his mouth and felt a lump in his throat, soon enough, vomit and blood came violently rushing out of his mouth.

Sanji gasped as he tried to get his breath back, the empty space in his stomach making him feel even more sick. There was so much pain, Sanji couldn't even describe it. Daggers were stabbing him from every side, twisting or pushing further into his body when he least expected it.

Sanji felt himself sob silently as he crumbled to the floor, god it hurt like hell. Blood was still dripping from his pale lips and his face was drained of colour. Sanji looked like a zombie.

Why... why does it hurt like this?

Chopper didn't say it would hurt like this,

So why?

Sanji proceeded to lie on the floor, his body in the most pain since 'that' day. He was crying, but it was silent. He was mildly thankful of his inability to make noise, since it meant no one would hear his screams of pain.

Sanji didn't want to feel. He didn't want to be in pain, he wanted to be numb, he wanted to be dead.

Alcohol.

Alcohol makes the pain go away, right?

Alcohol is what broken people use to forget, right?

Alcohol is what people use to not feel.

Right?

...

It was dark outside. The ship was silent apart from Luffy's loud snores. 

Usually Sanji wouldn't be allowed to leave his room at night, but Zoro was on look out instead. That meant that Sanji was unsupervised. 

He opened his door, trying to be as quiet as possible. Luckily the door didn't make the screeching sound it usually did. He walked across the floorboards, avoiding all the ones he knew creaked. He finally made it to his destination, the liquor barrel. He open the lid and slid it off quietly, he remembered Zoro telling him it was his favourite thing on the ship.

He picked up one of the bottles, it had a dark green tint and reflected his image. That was when he realised how shitty he looked. 

Fuck. I look absolutely terrible.

The bottle was an easy open, Sanji didn't bother getting a glass, he just placed the rim at his lips and gulped the liquid down.

God it felt nice. It was like he was being injected with pure pleasure, he became dizzy, but it was a nice dizzy.

...mmm

Feels...so...good

He wobbled but managed to catch himself on the counter. He took another large sip. It was like the pain was going away, even though it was still there, his mind was letting him forget, he was forgetting all the memories that haunted him.

Pain...gone..

Sanji pulled another bottle out of the barrel and popped it open. He finished it in one sip.

Can't...feel...

His body was starting to numb. His eyes were starting to see two of the same objects and he nearly fell over when reaching for another bottle.

The feeling from the liquor was... amazing. All the pain seemed like it was gone.

Until it wasn't.

It was back, but more painful. The burning sensation in his throat was more ruthless and violent than last time. Sanji didn't even feel himself tip and crash to the floor, taking the glass bottles with him. They smashed into tiny pieces, one dragged along Sanji's cheek as it fell to the floor, making the heat swell up in his face again.

If Sanji could scream, he would be screaming. He wouldn't care about the others finding out, because they would already know from the crashing noise. The pounding in Sanji's head was beating like a thousand drums, it hurt so much that Sanji wanted to take one of the glass pieces and shove it through his chest.

"Sanji! What the fuck!?" 

Sanji lay on the floor, completely dazed and barely aware of the sharp glass poking every nerve in his body. There was a voice above him, shaking him. He didn't respond, he couldn't respond. The voice got quieter and quieter, until it was just Sanji.

Zoro... you didn't say it would hurt this much...?

Authors note or whatever,

Sorry if you didn't like this chapter because of my lack of skill to write and my lack of understanding and knowledge about alcohol. Indeed, I have never had alcohol, so I don't exactly know what it's like to be high. Sorry if it didn't reach your expectations. 

Whoever is actually reading this story:

Please seek therapy.

I'm losing my mind.