JUST GIRLS-matty healy

18

it was the best week ever me and harry did loads of activities got a good tan and just spent quality time together and i really like harry and it's going well i missed matty sometimes but it wasn't anything i couldn't handle
we arrived back into manchester in the afternoon so harry decided to go home and so did i we said our goodbyes and got in separate taxis
i had only just got connection when my phone started going off i just assumed it was all my missed notifications whilst i was on the plane but i checked twitter
"the 1975 release new single somebody else it hits no1 in the charts"
i had no idea they were making new music i decided i'd listen to it just i be supportive of the others in the band
i was about 20 minutes away from home anyway so i had enough time i loaded up my apple music and pressed play it sounded like it was going to be good
"so i heard you found somebody else"
i heard the first line and my heart dropped this couldn't be about me surely not matty wouldn't do that i continued to listen and the more personal it got
"our love has gone cold your intertwining your soul with somebody else"
this was about me and there was no denying that a million thoughts ran through my head all the good memories me and matty had and all the pain he caused me but gosh i still loved him more than i'd like to admit
"this ain't the last time that i'll see your face"
"you said you've found someone to take my place"
the words cut deep like a knife stabbing me over and over i started to tear up i didn't know why i was like this over a song it's a cliche song but the fact it was about me hurt in too many ways
"fuck that get money i can't give you my soul cause we're never alone"
that part made me choke on my sobs i never really gave him a chance to explain sure he slept with the girl and that was clear and it was so so wrong and there's no justifying that but when he showed up to my apartment i just kicked him out what if he's not okay what if he's using again and me being a bitch definitely wasn't helping him
but no i can't go back to that place im happy with harry now i don't need matty or so i thought
...
it had now been a week since the song came out and there hasn't been one day i haven't thought about it i've seen all over twitter the fans putting the pieces together and figuring out it was about me i saw all the fans posting old photos of us asking what happened they were so perfect and my head was all a blur again i just wanted a black hole to open up and suck me in and poor harry he didn't deserve this seeing all this and me constantly thinking about it
he was coming over today so i just need to see how i feel when he's here or if it's all to much
...
"hey" i whispered as he came through the door
"hey u okay?" he looked at me concerned
"yeah yeah i'm okay u?"
"im good your clearly not tho tell me what's wrong babe" he stroked my head and i felt sick i can't tell him that i can't be with him especially not because of a song my ex wrote about me i felt so bad but it would be worse for me to lead him on
"listen i don't know how to say this but my head is all over the place at the moment an-"
he interrupted me
"Y/N i know this is about the song i've seen twitter if you still love him then just tell me please" he said slightly tearing up
i started to tear up too
"im so sorry harry your amazing you've been nothing but nice to me and i do really like you but-"
"but i'm not him and you love him" he sympathetically smiled at me with tears in his eyes
i just pulled him into a hug we both was sobbing into each-other
"but i'll never forget you harry you've been perfect it's just not fair for me to treat such a good guy the way i would if this was to carry on"
he half smiled
"no hard feelings but listen your perfect too please never let anyone even if it is him again take you for granted your so special"
we shared one last kiss and he stood up and my heart was hurting i felt so bad
"well i guess this is goodbye"
"yeah"
he hugged me and before i knew it he was gone
i think i just made the worst decision of my life but i feel like i can breathe now that i've been honest i need to talk to molly
...
"can i come in" i said from the door
"yeah course...what's wrong Y/N" molly said ushering me to the bed
"i just broke up with harry" i said sobbing
she pulled me into a hug
"oh no why why"
"i don't know" i lied
"you heard the song didn't you?"
i just nodded
"and you still love matty don't you?"
she more or less stated as we both knew it was true "i do but i can't love him it's not good for me"
"Y/N he loves you so much ik he fucked up and i agree with how you handled it but god i haven't heard your name leave his mouth more than i have since you left him he's a mess i didn't want to tell you because you was happy but he's really not good"
"fuck sake what do i do"
"i think you should go and see him i'll go and see george but won't tell them your coming and you can see how you feel when we get there if not you can drive back home"
"okay" i sniffled
... 

me and molly had just pulled up to the boys apartment i was basically hyperventilating at this point i didn't know how to act or even what to say when i saw him
"are you okay do you want to come in"
molly asked smiling reassuringly
"yeah yeah i need too"
we headed up to the apartment it was a wired feeling i haven't been here for so long and the last time it ended badly
molly opened the door george and adam were on the couch they both said hey to molly until i creeped out from behind her they both had shocked facial expressions i just waved
"Y/N what are you doing here?" george asked me
"just came to say hey"
"what's the real reason" adam asked
"where is matty?"
"in his room"
i let my feet carry me to his door i could hear chatter from molly george and adam
i brought myself to knock but there was no answer
i knocked again and no answer
i knocked one final time
"fuck off george im not on the mood" i heard his voice and i felt weak
i just knocked one more time
i heard footsteps and the door open
"george i told-"
his face lit up when he saw me i just started at him we was there for atleast 20 seconds before he spoke
"Y/N? what what are you doing here"
"idk i just needed to see you"
"oh i erm"
"i can leave if you want" i felt so stupid he didn't even want to see me by the looks of it
"no no no come in"
he shut the bedroom door behind us we both just looked at each-other with nothing to say that was until he spoke again
"how's harry" he sounded genuine
"not a thing anymore" i said not making eye contact
"oh how come"
"because i heard your song"
there was a silence
"ahhh so your still a fan then" he made a small joke making us both giggle
"Y/N look i'm really sorry about everything i didn't mean for anything to happen between us i wanted us to be together forever and i didn't mean for the song to come inbetween you and harry"
"i mean i don't fully forgive you but i just need to say one thing"
"go ahead"
i can't believe i was going to say this to him what if it backfired and i was heartbroken all over again
"i still love you"
the silence was loud really really loud i felt my face heat up and tears began to spill
"hey hey don't cry please don't cry"
he pulled me into him feeling his touch was strange but i was starved of it for a long time
"i just feel like a fucking idiot you cheated i let harry down because i wasn't ready to commit now idk what to do"
i was crying hard now and matty just held me tightly
"i love you Y/N so much so fucking much but do you really think it's a good idea for us to be together i hurt you and i never want to see you like that again"
"i know we can't be together and that pains me even more i just wish you never did what you did"
he just looked at me with tears in his eyes we knew we couldn't be together and it was hurting us both
he looked at me and tucked my hair behind my ear he leant forward and kissed me i didn't back away the kiss was full of emotion and it was wrong i know that but it just felt like all my problems had stopped for that 30 seconds
he pulled away i quickly wiped my tears and stood up
"im im sorry i can't do this i shouldn't have came" i rushed out the door without giving him time to say anything i just booked a taxi and went home
...