Call Out My Name|| Tom Kaulitz

the sun after the storm.

TRIGGER WARNING: rape, abuse, eating disorders, suicide, addiction.
Reading this chapter, you are entering my mind, you are reading the story of my life and every single thing that happened to me.
Please, please, if you feel vulnerable, sensitive, please skip this one, take care of your mental health.
Love🫶🏻

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Once Tom finally calmed down, he went back to his room, to his studio more specifically, and he started to play one of his guitars.

I walked him from the living room to the studio, hands in hands with him, and I watched him relax as his fingers touched his guitar's strings, therefore I decided to leave him alone to clear his head.

I stepped out of his room, and directly walked towards Bill's, knocking on his door.

'Tom, go away', I heard him shout behind the closed door.

'It's me Bill, open the door', he didn't say a word, but the door opened just a few seconds later, while Bill walked to his bed, sitting on the edge.
I walked inside of his room sighing, closing the door behind me.

'What happened?', I asked him, and Bill stood up to walk towards the window, starting to smoke while I was looking at him from the bed.

'Tom is not behaving right lately, not at work, not with me and the boys', he said taking a puff of his cigarette, turning his back to me.
'I don't know what to do with him anymore, Pearl. I'm trying, believe me, but I can't do this anymore.', he looked outside of the window.

I got up and walked to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, while he smiled weakly at me.

'Bill, I don't think he's doing it on purpose', I started to say, resting my elbows on the window and taking one of my cigarettes out.

'He doesn't know how to express his feelings properly, and you of all people should understand that. He spent his childhood and adolescence under the spotlight, he had to suppress every single emotion for years to appear perfect', I said, lighting my cigarette and looking at Bill, to catch some sort of reaction from him.
However, Bill didn't say anything, he looked like he was still absorbing my words, which I knew represented him too.

'It's only fair that he doesn't know how to handle his feelings now, that he has all this rage in him. I know you love Tom, and that you want to see him happy and carefree, but you and him are not the same, Bill, no matter how much you want it', Bill nodded a bit, slightly puffing.
'He doesn't have your brain, at least not in everything. You can handle your feelings through what you love the most, I guess he can't handle them just with his music.'

Bill threw his cigarette out of the window, and went back to sit on the bed, throwing his lighter on the ground.

'He did, before starting whatever you two got going on', he simply said, looking at me.

I was appalled at his words, and I threw my cigarette away as well, walking in front of Bill.

'Are you saying that this is my fault?', I asked him raising my eyebrow, curious about his answer.

'No, but maybe it's not so bad that it ended', he said, laying on his elbows.

His words hurt me pretty badly, I didn't want to believe that Bill actually thought that all of that mess was my fault.
I knew me and Tom had some issues, but I didn't deserve to be blamed for the way he was behaving, he was a grown man who needed to make his own decisions.
What hurt me the most about what Bill said, was to hear him say how happy he was that me and Tom were over.
I thought I was good for Tom, at least as much as he was to me.
Indeed, I knew I was good to him, I knew I was helping him the best way I could, I saw it in the way he calmed down every time I simply touched him.
I wouldn't have let Bill blame me for things that were not my fault, for once.