Call Out My Name|| Tom Kaulitz

we are who we are, when no one's watching.

'I have to tell you something', Tom said, once I sat down on the sofa, next to him.

I felt my heart skipping a beat in my chest, as anxiety started to make my hands sweat and my legs bounce up and down, without me being able to control their movements.
I looked at him patiently, waiting a few minutes before he talked.

'Okay', he said, taking a big breath and looking away from me, staring at the floor.

'You're right, I've been acting strange these past few days, but it's not for the reason you think', he said.

'I'm so sorry Pearl, I know you put a lot of hope in me, and I failed you', he whispered, turning his head the opposite way from me.

'Tom, whatever you have to say, say it now', I said, feeling even more impatient, 'and look at me when you say it', I demanded, making him turn his head back to me.

His eyes were tired, dark and sad.

'I've been doing drugs', he said in a whisper, his voice shaking.

I tilted my head to the side, looking at him confused.

'I know, you already told me you smoked weed', he slowly shook his head, closing his eyes.

'Not that kind of drugs, Pearl. Cocaine, I've been using cocaine for the last several days now', he confessed.

All of a sudden, everything was finally crystal clear: his calls, probably to Brad, him leaving in the middle of the night, the days where he was happy, active and full of life, and the others where he slept from sunrise to sunset.

I stood up from the couch, walking around it as I tried to wrap my head around the confession he had just told me.
I didn't know what to say back, if I should have said anything back.

Finally, after several minutes, I sat back down on the sofa, this time further away from him.

I looked at him, still in complete silence, while his gaze wandered from my eyes to his hands.

'Pearl, please say something', he said after a few seconds, getting closer to me.

'Honestly Tom, I don't know what to say', I whispered, looking outside of the glass walls.

I looked around me, around the living room, in that magnificent house in which he took me to, probably, mask his lie.
All he ever did was lie to me, and I kept on giving him chance after chance, because I never wanted to leave him.
My loyalty, however, was never paid back by Tom the same way, I felt betrayed.

'I don't know how many more times I have to forgive you before you understand that you can't keep lying to me', I said, looking at him.

'I know', he whispered, 'I'm sorry, I truly am. I just didn't want to get you involved.'

'Are you fucking kidding me?', I snapped shouting at him and standing up from the couch.

'We're together Tom, I'm your fucking girlfriend. How could I not be involved?', I started to walk towards the kitchenette, my shoulders facing him.
I rested my hands on the table, bending my head down a bit and closing my eyes, hoping that I was just having a very vivid dream from which I would've soon woke up.

'For how much longer were you planning on lying to me?', I asked him, hearing him standing up from the couch and walking closer to me.

He sat on a stool next to me, sighing.

'I don't know', he said, 'I wanted to get clean, before telling you.'

'You really think that would have been better?', I said shaking my head, angry and disappointed in him.