Call Out My Name|| Tom Kaulitz

fear.

Pearl's POV

A few days had passed, since me and Tom slept together.
The next morning I snuck out of the house early, so that I could avoid both him and Christian.

I didn't regret it.
I felt guilty, because of Christian, but no matter how much I wanted to, I didn't regret it.
All the feelings I tried to hide for Tom came back at once, once he put his lips on mine, and that scared me.
I never wanted him to leave, all I wanted was for him to be by side, so why was I so scared of everything?

I was scared of being far from him, just as I was of being next him.
I was scared of not being able to be with him, but I was even more scared about him leaving me again.

Is it possible to forgive someone who made you scared of the possibility of life without them?
But then again, is it possible to live without someone who taught you what it meant to be scared to lose someone?

I couldn't do it anymore.
I promised myself that I would've distanced myself from Tom, at least for a while, but there I was, standing right outside his door.
He wasn't the one I wanted to see, however, - I needed to talk to Jocelyn, I knew she would've understood.

I stepped into the house, still using my old key, and my phone immediately started ringing.
Sighing, I answered, after seeing the name 'Christian', pop up.
I had avoided him for most of the week, - not physically, given that we were together almost everyday, but more mentally.
He tried to talk to me, even tried to touch me and get me to sleep with him, but I acted like he wasn't there.
All I had in mind was Tom, his voice and his hands, and I couldn't pretend like Christian made me feel the same things anymore.

'Hello?', I answered the phone, leaning against the closed door behind my shoulders.

'Where are you, again?', he asked in a demanding tone.

I sighed, closing my eyes.
He was becoming more and more controlling, more and more angry every time we weren't together.
I needed to put an end to it.

'With Jocelyn, like I told you.'

'Yeah', he chuckled, 'so why isn't your car in her building's parking lot?'

'Wait', I raised my voice, 'you went to her house? Are you serious?'

'Well, it's not like you give me any choice', he started to yell, 'you keep lying to me, I told you I don't like games.'

'I'm not lying!', I yelled back, 'I'm with Jocelyn at Tom's house, you know she lives here now.'

'Oh right', he laughed again, 'so you're at his house, again. You really don't learn your lessons, do you?'

As he said those words, I looked at my wrists, still red and bruised from when he grabbed me the previous week.
I walked to the kitchen's isle and leaned against it, rubbing my forehead.

'Listen, Chris, this is not working out', I whispered, scared that he might have driven all the way there if I made him angry again.

'What?', he shouted.

'You're way too controlling, I need to breathe', I bit the tip of my tongue, trying to search for the courage to say it.
'It's best if we stay friends.'

'You can't be fucking serious', he shouted again, and I knew he was mad.
'I love you Pearl, don't do this to me.'

'You don't love me', I shook my head, even if he couldn't see me, 'you don't even know me, Chris, the only thing we do together is drink and take drugs.'

'You're making shit up now', he said, 'I do know you.'

'Fine then, what is my favourite colour?', I tested him.