Aelsa Lannister was hand of king, the first woman hand in history and she couldnt let anything get in her way of her success. So when she got pregnant her plans shifted. She needed a husband that didnt care that she was carrying another mans child...
What had she done? Aelsa stared up at the ceiling her mind a mess of guilt and pain. It was a bad idea inviting otto back. It was a bad idea getting close to him again. It was a bad idea to let herself be alone with him.
What had she done? The messed up the first stable relationship she had. Not just any man. The man she married. The man that fathered most of her children. All for what? A bit of rebellious fun.
Larys lay down beside her kissing her goodnight. What had she done raced through her mind on repeat as he fell asleep in their bed content. Oblivious.
Night. She didnt know if she said the word aloud or not she didnt know that she could speak. In the moment it was passion and heat and all other thoughts left her mind but now that her sanity set in. Now that she was home. In her bed which she shared with her husband. In her home which she bought with her husband. She couldnt look at him. She knew she would see his soft smile and feel his hand reaching for her in his sleep. She didnt deserve his kindness.
What had she done? She stared unblinking up at the ceiling. Shadows cascaded around the bed as the clouds moved beyond the moon.
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What had she done? Finally she lay on her side and felt larys arm wrap around her. Felt his breath on the back of her neck. His fingers wove together with hers and a tear fell down her cheek. What had she done?
She didn't remember falling asleep but she woke up groggy and achy all over. Larys was up. Aelsa heard him in the kitchen with the kids. Aelsa pulled on her robe threw some water on her face and headed out to greet them. She put on her best smile but larys saw it in her eyes. Something was wrong.
Aelsa moved to larys kissing him hoping he wouldnt be able to taste her betrayal.
She couldnt sleep so she got up and paced the house, the house they built and loved and raised their three wonderful children in. She looked around at the memories.
She did that thing we all did as little kids: close the door but pretend to slam it, quietly scream so we don't get shouted at for actually screaming, hit the wall but stop close to it so you do t actually hit the wall, stick your finger up and do another quiet scream. She looked in the mirror cursing herself. She was a damn monster.
She was hooked on feeling low, maybe that was it. She liked the turmoil and trama, the drama that Otto brought to her life. She was an awful human being, that was another possibility.
What had she done? Otto wasnt worth it and now she felt like hell. Larys had been good to her, loved her for years. Knew the truth of their eldest sons true parentage and didnt care. But this, this Aelsa didnt think Larys would be able to look past.
If Larys cheated on her what would she do? She was a temperamental woman, she would get violent. She would get loud. Larys would never cheat on her though.
"Aelsa?" Alaric questioned and she jumped. "You alright?"
"yes." She lied.
"Really? Because usually alright people dont bicker softly to themselves in the middle of the night." Alaric countered.
"Go to bed." Aelsa dead panned.
"You want to talk?"
"Yes. To myself." Aelsa clarified.
"I'm here if you need me." Alaric assured before moving at sloth speed back to bed.
"Can you shout at me?" Aelsa questioned. "Out side so the kids dont hear."
"Why? What did you do?"
"Just call me the most awful names and maybe I will feel less awful." Aelsa requested.
"That doesnt make any sense." Alaric countered.
"I know it doesnt. I'm going for a walk." Aelsa decided and she headed out.
"Aelsa you forgot your shoes!" Alaric called after her but she didnt deserve the privilege of shoes after what she had done.
