4 Nerds Want Lemons

24

Chapter 24

Tomlin

Monday 1:35 am

***

My dad was gone again. He wouldn't be back until Tuesday so the guys were staying the night with Ryland in his room. Which wasn't supposed to bother me. Or be a big deal. I knew that. That's part of the reason I was going to stay with Andrew tonight just so I didn't get bothered by it.

It wasn't my place to feel jealous. I'd said no to them. I couldn't figure out why I said no to them right away though. Maybe that's why Andrew's confession hit so hard, because I was already stressed with the boys. Gosh, Andrew and Dylan moving away from me was going to be hard and now I had to be apart from the rest of them? 

Why did I say no? I really wanted to know for myself. After a few shots of vodka on my own, in my bedroom, listening to some blues music, I decided the reason I said no was pretty dumb. And pathetic.

In my way of thinking they were organized and precise with one another. They were in sync and in tune with one another like a well written song. Every time I looked at them mingling with one another it felt like I was seeing pure devotion that I just didn't understand. Everything from how they talked, to how they studied, was a well thought out planned exaction. I felt like I couldn't be a part of that. I was a disorganized atom to the perfectly running cell, I was the tumor on the side. The odd man out. I said no because I felt like I would corrupt them and this orchestra of emotions they had going on. They were all virgin kids who had plans to be with each other.

Where did I fit in to that?

I am all chaos and emotions, my fight with Andrew for example, was all animal instinct and insane retaliation.

Where they are all logic and smarts. During their fight they talked it out and someone had cheated. I was a bad seed compared to boys like that who were calm and handled things in a healthy manner. I would be the thing that breaks them. I felt that way anyway. There's obviously no way of knowing if that were true.

The whole thing was hilarious because there were four of them. And one of them was made of godly material. Navy eyes really knew how to do that whole come hither thing strictly with his eyeballs. It amazed me.

Someone knocked on my door causing me to jump as per usual when I was inside my own world having a conversation with myself. This life coach stuff was serious and it entailed having one one ones with ones own self to understand me better. It wasn't anyone's business but my own, still though I felt like a crazy man.

I took a shot then went to the door, opening it wide. I was in basketball shorts and nothing else. Darius and his amber eyes searched me up and down then stepped in and shut the door behind him. He smiled and handed me something. I looked down and my eyes went wide.

"How'd you get my wallet? Did I drop it?"

"Yeah, when you fell down by Andy's car. I grabbed it. I was standing around the whole time and no one saw me or Sammy. That was some funny shit, Lemons."

I reddened in embarrassment. "It's just stupid shit. I'll get over it. They didn't mean to be bastards. They just are." My words were slower than normal, the alcohol was hitting me.

"It's funny you refer to them as them. When Andrew was the only one there tonight."

I shrugged. "They are Dylan and Andrew. They are one. We are one. Were. We were one." I shook my head.

"Darius, how are you? You silent demon you." I teased sitting on my bed.

"I'm alright. Better than alright. Things feel good right now." He nodded, grabbing my face in between his hands.