4 Nerds Want Lemons

19

Chapter 19

Sammy

Saturday 2:39am

***

"Sammy, what's goin on? Are you okay?" Darius was a good man for driving me home after all the drama I caused.

"I'm sorry I ruined that for you guys. I shouldn't have done that. I was just-"

"Upset you got dumped?" Jay inquired.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna fix it with her. Can you drop me off at her house? I want to talk things out with her."

"Why?" Jay asked. "Are me and Darius not enough for you now? You have to go and run to the first person who pays you any attention?"

"I pay him attention." Darius whispered.

Jay looked at him like he skinned his cat. "Yeah? Is that so? As much as you pay me?"

"Probably." Darius shrugged. I sighed at them both.

"Guys, babes. This is about me, not any of you. I gotta figure out my sexuality. We aren't all as strong and knowing as you. I'm weak and little and different and just need to find out this one thing on my own." And I really just wanted to get away from anyone who had anything to do with Ryland at the moment. I couldn't separate the boys from him at the moment.

"If you fuck that girl I'm going to be furious." Jay yelled at me with his hurt gray eyes that bore into me like I was his enemy.

"Me too. It feels like a cheat somehow." Darius nodded, pulling over to the address I gave him.

I snorted. "It's not a cheat. Not anymore." I ignored their scoffs as I got out of the truck and knocked on Candy's door. I hated that I could feel Jay and Darius's heated stares against my cold back. The night had a light chill to the air and everything in me wanted to turn around and yell at them to come back.

"Oh, you actually came?" Candy shouted, she sounded so excited it was hard not to smile.

"Yeah, I kind of bailed on everyone and said fuck it. I wanted to make things right with you."

I stepped inside her house and knew without a shadow of a doubt that I shouldn't be here. I just hoped I'd be forgiven.

*****

Darius

Saturday 3:00am

***

"What the fuck just happened?" I was in shock and repeated this very sentence nine times over.

Jay sat next to me on my bed turning off the light. "I'm pretty sure we just dumped Ryland and dropped Sammy off with a girl. At 2:30 am. Which means-"

"He's fucking her." Small tears floated out of my eyes and I didn't even know why.

"Why does that make me so, so sad?" I asked, Jay curled into the side of me, draping an arm on my waist like he always did.

"Because we love him and know he's going to regret it."

"I text him 12 times already. Any more and I'm a stalker."

Jay chuckled. "Me too, love. Me too. I don't know how to help anyone anymore. I figured this was like every other little fight and we'd all go home and work it out tomorrow."

"We still can. It's just-"

"Sammy will be different."

I choked. "Fuck. Why am I sobbing? I don't like this emotional bullshit."

"Just come here and snuggle me. It's alright."

"What if he freaks out? What if he needs us and we aren't there? He's so little and damn it, he couldn't have just calmed down?" I was a shaking mess now.

Poor Jay pulled me into his arms and held me like I was a small child. And for once I didn't fight him because I needed this. "Oh, fuck. And Ryland is all alone." I cried even harder.

"Ryland is the strongest person I've ever met. He'll be okay. Worry about yourself, Love. Come on, just close your eyes and let it out. I'm right here."

I loved Jay.

I loved Sammy.

I loved Ryland.

And Tomlin was growing on me too.

And I wasn't ashamed of it. I was just sad it wasn't working out now that I spent a while accepting it.

*****

Jay

Saturday 3:55 am

***

After Darius cried himself to sleep I quietly got out of the bed to call Sammy. When he answered he was a crying mess.

"Hello? Why are you calling me it's 4am?" He scolded.

"I can't go to sleep. Everyone's fighting and I needed to check on you. Are you alright?"

He sniffled. "I did a bad bad thing."

My stomach fell. I sat back on the bed and put Darius's head on my lap. My black sweatpants itched my skin where his head rested. "Sammy, please don't tell me you slept with her."

"I tried. It only worked for a few minutes before everything went bad. Jay, I don't think I'm straight."

He sounded so sad about it I made a small chuckle, and a choking noise that caught in my throat. "Yeah, baby boy. I don't think you are either."

"Why is everything so fucked up right now, Jay? I really fucked up. What am I going to do?"

"I don't know." I sucked up my own tears.

"But I think we should both start with getting some shut eye because it's late and tomorrow's going to be long. Especially if we have to have a few awkward conversations."

He sighed. "Yeah, I'm back home now. I guess sleep does sound good. Jay?"

"Yeah, Mouse?"

"Why does it feel like I cheated even if I said it wasn't cheating?"

I sighed. "You know why, Mouse."

He made an odd shuffle over the phone. "Yeah, I know why. Night, love you."

"Night, Mouse. Love you." I hung up and floated down to the mattress. The tears I'd been holding off were finally streaming down my face. I curled into Darius who was looking at me with every ounce of sadness I felt.

"He did it. Didn't he?"

"Yeah." I choked out. "Fuck. This hurts."

"I know."

This time Darius held me. I'm glad I had him with me. "All I really want is Ryland here with us." Darius whispered.

"Me too."

I don't know if we slept. But we rested until the sun drifted over us and there were no more tears to be shed. They were just dried up inside of us waiting for what was to come next.