ONLY ON CAMERA | JUDE BELLINGHAM

058.

— CHAPTER FIFTY EIGHT
❝MUST BE FATE❞

— JUDE —

I THINK about her constantly. Even though it's been two months. Two months since we've talked. Since we've seen each other. Since I told her I loved her and she left. I still think about her everyday. There's no one like her. I keep hoping for the day she comes to see me.

I wonder if she'll know where I am. Know that I've transferred to Real Madrid. Of course it's been the biggest news the past month, but that doesn't mean she's even paid attention to anything related to me.

Not how I have been. Searching her name on Twitter, tik tok, Google, Instagram. On everything. Trying to see the latest news about her. Find out where she is. What she's doing.

Can't bring myself to look at her Instagram. It'll hurt me too much. I re read her text message though. The one where she told me she feels the same. That she loves me too, she just needs time. Told her I'd wait for her and I intend to keep that promise.

I'm in a bar, with my new teammates having a good time. I'm fitting in well here. Love Real Madrid. Fans are amazing, team is amazing. Settled in nicely. Have a great house, nice new car and the weather here is amazing.

Michael's followed me from Germany to Madrid. Can't get rid of him if I wanted to. Said he's heard from Harmony time to time. Aaliyah mostly who also gives him Harmony updates. Comforting knowing she's okay at least.

Mum asks about her all the time. Confused about our abrupt departure. Surprised she's back in London and hasn't contacted me. Told her we split to focus on ourselves. She believed it. Said she'd miss seeing Harmony around.

Celebrated my twentieth over here. Without her. Haven't celebrated a birthday with her before but I was looking forward possibly spending my twentieth with her.

I miss her. Everyday I miss her.

Every girl that comes up to me. Tries to flirt. I never even acknowledge them. They're just, not her. They never will be. No one will ever come close to her. I wish I told her how I felt earlier. Maybe then, we'd be together now.

I always get like this at the end of my nights. Think about her. Get upset. Or I think about her during the day, see a plant or a tulip or McDonalds and my mind instantly goes to her. Think about her during training too. Gives me the motivation to do well.

Have my debut in a week. Can't help but imagine how amazing it would be for her to be there. How simply seeing her face and her pretty smile would give me the boost I need.

I talk to Gio about her constantly. Miss him too but we speak everyday. I speak with Chloe too. They're coming to visit soon.

"Another one?" Vini asks passing me a shot.

I nod, plaster on a smile and down it. Him and my other teammates cheer excitedly. It's good around them. They're all like older brothers.

The guys are all talking about something. I'm in the conversation but not really listening. Can't stop thinking about the girl I love. I look around the bar, look to my left and see a familiar face amongst the people.

I look a little closer and I swear it's Harmony. There's no way. Rub my eyes and blink a lot. Has to be the alcohol. I look again. Still see her.