ONLY ON CAMERA | JUDE BELLINGHAM

057.

— CHAPTER FIFTY SEVEN
❝HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE❞

— HARMONY —

MY BRAIN is scrambled. The emotions I'm feeling are too much to pin point or handle at this point. I loved everything he said. I wanted to hear everything he said. That he loves me. That he feels the same way.

But it's all happening all in one go. Hearing how he made decisions for both of us about our relationship. I can't just let how he treated me go so easily. I need time to process it all. I need to sort out my scattered thoughts. I can't think right now with all of this information thrown at me.

I run to my room. Aaliyahs still sleeping. I get to packing right away. I'm out of here by the morning. I can't be around him right now. I need to be alone with my thoughts for a bit. And then when I'm ready, we'll talk. Properly. And sort out whatever we are. Because I want to be with him. I do. But not like this. Not with all of these issues. We have to sort ourselves out first.

I'm up until the next day. Don't sleep one bit. Just pack and unpack and then pack again. Going a little insane.

I've already told Chloe I'm leaving this morning instead of midday like we all planned. She said it's fine and that we need to talk so I can explain why. Promised I'd FaceTime her the second I get back home to London. My flights still booked and ready to go and I've sorted out the transportation of all of my things In the apartment.

Aaliyah finally wakes up, yawns and then stretches, turning over to see me running around gathering my things. She looks at me confused.

"What are you doing?" She croaks

"Leah, get up we need to go. Right now!" I say frantically.

"What happened?" She slips out of bed. I'm still running all over collecting the last of my things.

"Hey, harms, harms calm down." She touches my shoulder and it stops me. When we make eye contact she frowns sadly.

"Harms what's wrong?" She asks noticing the tears in my eyes.

"He told me he loves me." I breath out. I'm so overwhelmed. So much has happened in the last month. I'm just, tired. Extremely tired.

"What? When? Where? When?" Aaliyahs eyes are wide.

"Last night. In his room. He wouldn't let me leave. Locked me in there. We argued and then he told me he loves me. And that he was pushing me away because he thinks he's not good enough for me." I retell.

"I told you girl! I told you he loves you! Aaliyahs all smiles but I feel quite the opposite.

Aaliyah notices my unhappiness and tilts her head confused.

"Why aren't you happy? You know he feels the same way about you now?" She asks

"I just...I can't Leah. It's too much. I need to go." I say

"Go? As in home? Without talking to him? What the hell harmony!" She's looking at me as if I'm crazy. To be honest I feel crazy.

"Yes! Come on get dressed!" I instruct.

"I've already packed your suitcase. Nothings here it's all packed. Left some clothes out for you to wear to the airport." She's been my best friend since I was one. I know her style.

"Airport?"

"Yes we have our flight today!" I remind.

She rubs her eyes as she picks up the clothes.

"You and Jude are the definition of the miscommunication trope. You lot make my head hurt." She sighs

"Honestly feel like I'm reading a magnolia parks book right now." She shakes her head as she walks into the bathroom.

The whole day goes by quickly. Before I know it I'm on the plane back home to London. Apartments been taken care of, my stuff is coming over later on in the week.

Aaliyahs stroking my hair as I lay on her shoulder. Been crying the entire journey back. After I explained my feelings properly and the entire situation, she understood where I was coming from. Still didn't agree, but understood.

Jude called a fair bit. Didn't answer them. Don't have the heart to. Feel awful for leaving him like that. I sent him a message. Explaining how I just need time. Need the dust to settle. That I feel the same way he does but I just need a little space to process this whole month. Not even that, the entire six months of my life that drastically changed.

He said he understands. That he'll give me however long I need. That he's there. Waiting. And he knows that I love him and he wants me to know he loves me. And that's all we need.

I'm happy that our feelings are mutual. That we both know how we feel about each other.

I stare at my ring. Smile a little. I love it. I love him.

The plan is to go to Madrid, focus on my two month course and then when I come back, I'll go and see him. Sit down, talk. Sort it all out. And then we'll be together. Live happily ever after and all of that. I have hope it'll work itself out. Because I love him and he loves me and that should be enough. Time will align our paths when it's right.

— you guys are gonna
love the next chapter.
and you'll not hate
me anymore xoxo