Big Sky Dreams

Vivian - Chapter 7

She was turning bright red. Vivian could feel the blood and heat flooding her face as the wink Burke tossed her way fell into place with what she had done. She had just shown a strange man, a man she found very attractive, her bedroom. And then, she had shown him her bathroom and talked about taking a bath in her large tub. She was past embarrassed, she was mortified. If a crack opened up right now and swallowed her whole, Vivian would have no regrets. But alas, no crack appeared. Taking a deep breath, Vivian splashed cold water on her face and pasted on a smile. You can do this, she told the reflection in the mirror. You can go down there, dish up some ice cream, and ignore the lust you are feeling for this man.  Sure, he is hotter than just about anyone you have ever seen before.  Sure, he makes your lady parts sit up and take notice.  He has that whole quiet broody thing going on, though that may be more due to the silvery web of scars that spread across the column of his throat and down into his shirt more than a desire to not speak.  Scars that would be so hot to explore with her tongue and teeth...  And oh god, she could feel how damp her panties were after that wink.  His copper eyes had smoldered with amusement and heat.  Vivian shook her head again.  Girl, get your head on straight.  This isn't something you were looking for.  Glaring at herself in the mirror, Vivian hardened her resolve.

Marching down the stairs, Vivian channeled her inner goddess and sailed past Burke in the living room on the way to the kitchen.  He had sat down on the couch again, but she ignored the way his muscular thighs spread in a relaxed position.  And she ignored the way he watched her move across the room.  And of course, she didn't notice the smirk on his face as he took in what she called her "pleasant customer service face".

As she dished up the ice cream and broke up the cookies into small chunks to put on top, she listened to her kids as they quietly played with the puppy, Elenore chatting up a storm while Matt kept his thoughts to himself.  Gone were the days when they would have chased through the house in a game of tag and tackle with wild abandon and little regard for her furniture.  Her heart panged at the small reminder that they had lost a bit of that innocence in their grief.  But hopefully the puppy could help them reclaim some of their youthful joy.

Carrying the tray of desserts into the living room, she handed out the bowls to everyone and set a plate with more of the cookies down on the coffee table.  Elenore and Matt stayed on the floor and Vivan was pleased to see that the puppy lay calmly between them.  Smiling down at the trio, Vivian took a quick picture with her phone before taking a bite of her ice cream and settling on the chair again.

"Have you two figured out a name yet?"

Matt smiled softly but hesitated when Elenore opened her mouth first.

"Ellie, let your brother speak, please." She deflated a little but gave Matt an encouraging nod.

Giving her little boy room to speak, Vivian smiled as she saw him gently stroke the puppies head and ears.  "Pax."

"Peace." Rumbled the man next to her on the couch.  Vivian nodded and smiled over at him, ignoring the way his voice made her feel.

"Pax is the name of a character in one of Matt's favorite books." At the mention of the book, Matts eyes light up and he begins to quietly tell Burke all about the book.  How it is a book about a boy and his fox and their quest to find each other after being separated.  Vivian watched as slowly, caught up in telling the story, Matt edged closer and closer to Burke until he climbed up on the couch and sat facing the large man, his soft voice animated by his excitement.  Burke listened solemnly as Matt did his best to hit all the plot points.  Vivian eyed her daughter, still on the floor as the girl ate her ice cream and brushed her hands through Pax's fur.  Their eyes met and an understanding flashed between them.

Elenore had been speaking for Matt for so long, despite Vivian's best efforts to encourage him to speak for himself, that she could see it was quite an effort for the little girl not to speak and interrupt the two males on the couch.  After the death of their father, Matt had basically stopped talking to anyone except her, Elenore, or his grandmother.  It was causing some issues in school, but Vivian was trying to encourage his teachers to give him a chance.  He was far from stupid and did well on his homework, but teachers wanted active participation in class, and he just wasn't.  She had high hopes for the counselor that she had found for him, but Vivian also knew that it would be a long road for Matt.  Her little boy was hurting, and it broke her heart to know that this wasn't something she could fix with a band aid and a kiss.

Placing her empty bowl on the tray, Vivian waved for her daughter to join her on her lap.  When the not so little girl settled into a comfortable position, legs hanging off the arm of the chair, her head nestled into the crook of Vivians neck, and Vivians arms around the tops of her legs and supporting her back, Elenore sighed and relaxed in that boneless way that only kids can do.  "Momma?" Ellie asked.

"Yes, baby?"

"Today was a good day." She paused, gathering her thoughts.  "But I wish dad were here to meet Pax."

Vivian saw Burke stiffen slightly out of the corner of her eye, but all of her attention was focused on the little girl in her lap.  "I know, baby.  Your daddy loved you so much.  And I am sure he would have loved Pax as well."

"I still don't understand why he did it, though, if he loved us so much."  Elenores breath ghosted against the skin of Vivian's neck, leaving a damp spot.  Kissing her daughters head, Vivian weighed her next words carefully.  Elenore knew that Andrew had killed himself, but she didn't know all the details.

"Daddy was in a lot of pain and there was a lot of darkness that he didn't know how to navigate through.  He also didn't want to ask for help from the people who could have given him the tools to help him.  He made a choice that I wish he hadn't made.  I know you miss him.  I know there is a daddy sized hole in your heart that will never be filled.  But it will get easier to carry as time goes on.  Just remember, you and your brother did nothing wrong.  Daddy didn't hurt himself because of you."  She hugged her daughter closer as she felt the little girl tremble in her arms.  Vivian knew her stoic little girl was crying, hiding her tears in her hair as the little arm around her waist hugged her tightly.

Vivian fought her own tears back and refused to let the facade she showed the world crack.  Breathing through the pain, she pushed it down, but it threatened to erupt again as she met Burke's kind eyes.  Unfortunately for him, she had learned long ago not to show her deeper emotions to anyone except herself.