Big Sky Dreams

Vivian - Chapter 37

Vivian had been in a fog, her mind disassociating from everything that had happened as soon as the kids disappeared around the barn.  It was an unfortunate coping mechanism she had developed to survive her husband's frequent bouts of rage that would often leave her shaking and just this side of catatonic.  She had no memory of going into the house or climbing the stairs to her room.  No memory of how she ended up on the floor.  But just like the other times Burke had seen her panic, he was right there, bringing her out of it with his steady presence and intoxicating kisses.  Once again, she was in awe that he wasn't berating her or acting confused as to why she was like this, something her husband would do regularly.  Instead, he did the one thing that she had always craved.  He held her.  He comforted her.  He gave her a safe space to fall apart, and he was right there to help her put herself back together again.

But there was still a part of her that wondered when he would snap.  When he would lash out in anger at her.  When he would show her that he wasn't actually safe.  He was strong from being a rancher, more than capable of severely hurting her if he got physical.

On the other hand, he was so gentle with the kids.  The horses loved him and Pax just about melted at his feet for belly scratches whenever he saw Burke.  Animals usually had a good sense for people, but it wasn't infallible.  Her mind was going a million miles a minute as they sat there, foreheads pressed together while their breathing returned to normal.

"Would you ever threaten to put me through a wall?"  Vivian asked before she realized she had even spoken.  She closed her eyes tightly against the fear and apprehension that surged through her.  His hands never wavered in their soothing path up and down her back, but she could feel the tension that strummed through him at her question as he forced himself to continue breathing in a controlled rhythm.  It took a moment for her to be brave enough to glance at his face, and once she did, her breath caught at the barely controlled rage that she saw there, the cold fierceness in his eyes as he stared over her shoulder at the wall.  Trembling, she scrambled to get up as the panic surged back through her in full force and whimpered when his arms tightened around her body, keeping her in place.

At the sound, Burke's eyes darted to her face and instantly softened as he registered her panic.  "I am not angry with you, darlin."  His voice was soft as he caressed her cheek with his hand.  She stared at him with wide eyes, her pupils blown out and glassy with tears that welled steadily and spilled down her cheeks and over his fingers.  "I am angry with the man who hurt you.  I am angry with the man who you entrusted yourself to for not protecting you the way he should have.  I am angry that he is already dead so that I cannot teach him how to be better, although some men never do learn how to treat their women properly.  I am angry for the woman you once were, who was put through the ordeals that you had to survive.  I am angry for your children, who do not know how a father should treat their mother, or how to treat them."

He wiped at the tears that streamed down her face as Vivian stared at him, her panicked breaths slowly deepening as the pulse in her neck that had been pounding furiously started to calm.  She looked at him like she didn't quite believe he was real as mistrust shaded her beautiful grey eyes.  But, even as fear and doubt made it hard to stay there in Burke's arms, there was another feeling that was slowly soothing the ragged edges of her fear.  A feeling that she guarded as fiercely and closely as a dragon with its horde.  Despite all her efforts at guarding her squishy and bruised soul, she could feel herself beginning to trust this man.  

"Why me?" She asked, her voice raspy from crying.  Vivian searched his copper eyes, eyes that still held traces of anger but also held warmth, concern, and a fair bit of intensity as he gazed at her face.  "I am so broken and if you are this angry about the minor things I have told you about then I don't know if you can handle me telling you everything."  She paused and winced as she recalled some of the worst memories from her relationship.  "I mean, I know a lot of women go through a lot worse than what I had to put up with-"