Sonder

Chapter 2

Xavian looks at the bloodstained crack on his phone screen. He didn't even realize that he gripped it too hard, there was a stinging pain in his hands, and pieces of glass shards were embedded in his skin.

Xavian doesn't know what hurts more, his heart or his hand.

The phone kept ringing and ringing, it was like a constant reminder of his conversation with Javier. His phone was filled with messages from his family, friends, and also Javier...

Xavain turned off the phone, and the light on the screen gradually faded.

It was silent.

Still lost in thoughts, Xavian listlessly stared at his phone when a knock on the door echoed in the silent room.

"Xavian?" A familiar voice called out. The voice sounded warm and comforting, yet for some reason it made his breath hitch.

It was his mother-in-law.

But does he even have the right to call her his mother-in-law? Especially now that the wedding is cancelled.

Xavian didn't have the courage to face her right now. Nanay Maria was like his mother. When he got together with Javier, Nanay Maria was the first one who accepted and supported their relationship. He doesn't want to make her worried because she has a weak heart and the news might affect her health.

Xavian wanted to run away, to just leave everything behind. Why does he have to face all of this? What should he tell the guest? His mother-in-law?

Xavian envied Javier, he could just abandon everything without thinking of the consequences. Xavian wanted to scream and destroy everything with his bare hands. Xavian wanted to burn this pristine white suit and the ring on his hand.

Maybe, just maybe, it will make him feel better.

"Can you please let me in?" There is sadness in her voice, even without seeing her, Xavian knew what kind of expression she had on her face.

Hearing her made him realize that she already knew what happened.

Xavian almost felt ashamed of what happened, even though he was not the one who destroyed this occasion. He didn't know how Nanay Maria found out.

Did Javier tell her?

Although Javier is her son, Xavian could never hate her.

Taking a deep breath, Xavian forced himself to walk to the door. A stranglely nervous feeling made his fingers tremble as he held the doorknob. When Xavian opened the door, he saw a familiar face before he could even react. Arms wrapped around him as a familiar comforting warmth surrounded him.

"Anak, I'm sorry this happened." Nanay Maria whispers as she blinks away the tears. Her eyes are already clouded because of old age, but Xavian could still see the warmth inside of them.

Swallowing the lump on his throat, Xavian avoided looking into her eyes. "I'm ok, you don't have to worry about me nanay it will be bad for your health."

"At this situation, you still worry about me." Nanay Maria could only sigh as she stared at Xavian. "Don't worry, I will call Javier. If I have to drag him back here, I will do it."

"You don't have to do that, Nanay. I can handle this." Xavian smiled in hopes that it would reassure her that he was fine.

"Don't carry all of the burden." She held his hands. "I will always be there for you."

For a brief period, Xavian's smile faltered. The tears he fought so hard to suppress collected in the corners of his eyes. Xavian didn't want Nanay Maria to see him in this state, he wanted to say something, anything that could divert the topic but he simply couldn't find the will to speak up.

Xavian clenched his eyes shut, he could feel the hot tears that streamed down his cheeks despite his desperate attempts to wipe them away with his hands.

"You should go home and rest for awhile." Nanay Maria wiped the tears from his eyes, it reminded Xavian of how his mother used to wipe away his tears when he was young.

"Don't worry, I'm here." The warmth of her hands made Xavian tear up. "I will handle the guest, you don't have to face everything alone."

"Nanay, you don't have to do this." Xavian's chest felt so tight that he wanted to rip his heart out. He lowered his eyes and avoided her stare.

"Javier made a huge mess, this is the only way I could repay for what my son did." Her expression dims in sorrow and guilt.

"It's not your fault, Nanay." Xavian stumbled on his words. Xavian didn't want to make her feel guilty. It was Javier who decided to leave the wedding, she doesn't have to take the responsibility.

"Please, let me handle this." Nanay Maria pleaded. The words were uttered so softly as if she hoped that they could make Xavian let go of his burdens. "I'll tell Manong Jose to drive you home."

________

"I heard about the wedding." Manong Jose looked at the rearview mirror and saw Xavian gaze at the scenery outside with an empty expression.

Xavian had already changed into more casual clothes; his dark bangs were slightly messy. "You're still young and handsome, and I'm sure you can find someone better."

Xavian knew Manong was just trying to make him feel better, but right now his kind words only brew more shame inside of him.

"There are many fish in the sea, if you want, I could introduce you to my friend's son, who also likes men."

It's not like Xavian didn't try to break away from Javier. There was a time that Xavian tried to break up with him, but the red strings of fate that tied him to Javier are like chains that are hard to break free.

The ride was silent, no words were exchanged. Manong Jose could only sigh as he turned on the radio to lighten up the atmosphere.

The car stop in front of a house has a simple yet elegant design that suits Javier's taste. This is the first property that Xavian bought with his own money. They had planned to settle down in France a long time ago to start a romantic yet simple life.

Maybe this is why Xavian didn't want to go back to this house.

In every corner, he could see the traces of Javier like a haunting curse. Memories that he didn't want to remember plagued his mind like a parasite that is hard to get rid of.

In the past, this place was Xavian's home, a safe heaven where he could relax after a stressful day at work. Javier would greet him with a warm smile and hug that made Xavian feel like he was someone special, lulling him into a false sense of security.

Not all of his memories with Javier are painful, maybe that's why it hurts so much. The few drops of his so-called love were enough to fool Xavian into giving his everything to Javier.

The bed, the living room, the floors and even the bathroom had traces of their love making. His kisses still linger on Xavian's lips. Javier ignited a flame that burned so brightly that it consumed everything until there was nothing left.

Gazing at the pictures on the wall with a slightly crooked smile, there are so many pictures on the wall. Javier was the one who took most of it, some of the pictures are of them on a date smiling, which brought back good memories. Xavian felt like it was hard to breathe. Everything in this house felt suffocating. Unable to take the throbbing pain in his heart, Xavian grabbed a bottle of alcohol in the hopes that it could drown out the pain.

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Anak- In Filipino, anak means child; it could also mean daughter or son.

Nanay- It means mother.

Manong- is a term of respect for a person older than you.