Sonder

Chapter 4

The moment Xavian opened his eyes, a familiar sleeping face greeted him. As if none of those events had happened. A warm body pressed against his, Javier lay beside him, traces of love and passion littered on his tan skin. The soft rays of the sun fall on his skin, making him look like an ethereal painting.

Xavian felt like everything was just a dream or a horrible nightmare.

The wedding.

Javier leaves him at the altar for Damian.

His death.

However, the longer Xavian stared at Javier, the more he realized something was wrong.

There's something different about him, Javier looks younger. His messy hair was dyed a soft reddish color, just like when they were in college.

Javier looked younger, as if time had been turned back.

Xavian looked around, and a realization hit him that he was back in their apartment when he was in college with Javier.

A memory flashed in Xavian's mind. It seems that everything that happened on that day is true. Xavian's eyes dimmed, everything happened so fast in a blink of an eye that he had lost everything.

Xavian sat up from the bed, the quilt falling, revealing his muscular back with ambiguous nail scratches and marks. An indescribable emotion flashed in Xavian's eyes, He sat there for awhile, not moving, as he sorted out his thoughts.

The calendar on the wall reveals that it is May 10, 2012. Xavian was just 20 years old.

This was the time when he experienced his first time with Javier, and this was also the time he learned about Damian's identity.

Memories replayed in Xavian's mind like a broken film. Javier came back to their apartment smelling like alcohol, but he was not drunk. His warm brown eyes were slightly red as if he had just cried. Xavian asked him what was wrong, but Javier only wrapped his arms around him.

Desperation and sorrow filled Javier's voice as he asked if Xavian loved him.

Without hesitation, Xavian said yes.

He remembered how Javier unbuttoned his clothes, then how their bodies were entangled, drowning in pleasure, but the name Javier uttered was not his.

Damian.

Xavian remembered being so confused at the time, Who was Damian? Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue.

Why did Javier say that name?

The way Javier uttered that name was so soft that if Xavian hadn't listened carefully, he might have thought it was only an illusion.

Xavian tried deluding himself into thinking that maybe Javier is drunk and only pronounced his name wrong.

However, before he could even ask him, Javier had already passed out.

In the morning, when he asked Javier about that name, Javier lashed out in anger. There were a lot of tears and arguments. Xavian thought he did something wrong. He tried every means to please Javier, but there seemed to be a cold barrier between them.

Then, a month later, when Xavian was thinking of breaking up with him, Javier became very intimate with him.

Javier took the initiative to set up a romantic mood and did everything that could make Xavian happy.

It made Xavian fall again and believe his words.

Thinking about the past, Xavian felt like he was stupid. Why didn't he see the signs?