Dark Star: Kyouryoku

Bum Stories -1- (Short Story/parody)

Welcome to the first parody of this series, bum stories, which will be reoccurring every time there is a hiatus for writing along with at least one other short story/parody. These will be a little more crazy and lean more into the comedy aspects of the series. Thank you for getting this far and please enjoy.

Start

I was walking down the street with a box on my back, plastic on my feet, and a ripped shirt, you know as you usually do. I have been walking around like a free man.

I can eat whatever I want without people questioning me, though they stare a little bit when I eat a cockroach.

I can take off my clothes without even being called weird, though people keep covering their children's eyes. Why?

Grrr

My stomach rang to me.

...

I want real food.

"HEY GENJY!!"

My new friend, Jennings, shouted out He was sitting in his box, as per usual. He has his own cardboard toilet and a cutout television; his box was bigger than mine too.

Man, he's so cool.

"Yes, sir Jennings."

I walked over to his box, which is about as high as my chest. I can smell the GREAT aromas of urine and feces.

"How have you been eating lately?"

"Pretty good, if I do say so myself."

Absolutely horrible.

Jennings looked at me deeply, looking at my deflating stomach.

"I have an idea for you. How about we both go out on a stealing run!?"

"Perfect, doing something that I am definitely on board with!"

"YEAH!!!"

"Yaayy"

I sarcastically celebrated.

-15 minutes later-

"GET AWAY FROM ME, FREAK!!"

A woman was running away as Jennings held on to her skirt.

"Please, I just WANT TO SELL THEM! YOUR PANTI-"

Yep, that's the picture that I'll see in my head from now on every time I see Jennings.

"It's as simple as that."

Proudly showing me his prize with a goofy face, I could do nothing more than sigh and hope someone would actually pray for him.

"Meow"

Huh??

"Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow,Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow..." x200

"Is that a cat falling out of the sky? Wait a minute, Jennings. JENNINGS!!"

"I told you that this happens at times!"

I mean, he did tell me that but something about it happening in Dellis, but it was so far from believable even in this already screwed world, and yet here I am. Cats falling out of the sky. Is that a dog ear?

"Ahk what the hell?"

I chase after him as I notice that they are all scratching and biting me.

"Why me!?"

I speed past Jennings, which... hold on...

"WHY AREN'T YOU BEING ATTACKED??!!"

That's right, as I was being attacked, this old man Jenkins isn't being touched; they ran right past him.

"I guess they like you, unlike me."

"I don't want to hear it from you, you totnic! Also, if I wanted to be liked, it wouldn't be by these cats! I mean, what would I do with them? Kiss them every time I wake up, give them a belly rub, and finally..."

"I UNDERSTAND; I WAS JUST SAYING THAT, I DIDN'T NEED THE IMAGE! JUST RUN!!

-30 minutes later-

"I am going to start a new slave trade just for people like you."

Lucky Jennings came out unscathed, while I have scratches all over me, and a cat was still biting my shoulder as we walked.

"It wasn't my fault; all I did was run, and they ignored me."

"Exactly the problem."

GGGRRRRRR

My stomach was growling again.

"Ugh I still need food."

I hugged my stomach, trying to quiet down the dog in me... That was horrible.

"Hmmm... I have a new idea."

"WWAAAAHHH WAAAAAAA WAAAA."

As Jennings was about to pitch his idea to me, a child was heard crying in the distance. I hesitantly walked along with old man Jenkins, who was trying to convince me that this was a good idea.

I doubt it is. I could be finding food right now, yet I'm here.

"What's wrong, kid?"

The child who is on the sidewalk, looks up at Jennings with tears in his eyes and then points up a tree  branch where an orange cat could be seen.

"M-m-m-my *sniff* cat ran up the tree *sniff* because of all those other cats landing on the ground *sniff* *sniff*. I didn't notice because I was going to buy the new iPhone with my dad's money *sniff*."

Did he just say... MONEY!

"Awww kid, we'll see what we can do, right Ge-nj-y?"

I was smiling at the opportunity. Why would I not? I can finally eat good, that's a good thousand. I can make it last a little while. Maybe even invest.

Jennings looked at me as if I had money in place of my pupils.

("There is no way you are about to do what I think you are about to do, right?")

He whispers into my ears.

"Hmmm... I don't know what you are talking about and don't care. Hey mon- kid, you want me to help!"

The child nods his head violently.

"Ok, then how much money would you think he is worth? Careful now; if the amount is too small, I might not want to help you."

"U-u-um 50 do-"

The smile on my face turned into a scary one of anger.

"No, No 200-"

My face got even worse.

"1000!!!!"

As he said that, he started to cry in contrast with the huge smile that was on my face.

"Perfect! Why are you looking at me like that, Jennings?"

I mean, he still has money. I need it more than hi-

"Ge-Genjy!!!???"

Huh???

I slowly turned towards where the voice came from. It was Sweet in his car who looked at me like I was garbage.

"Ummm... It's not what it looks like."

That day, I was sentenced to starve for two weeks.