My darkest desire

30

Porchay's eyes glinted with amusement as he let out a low chuckle. The sound was like honey, sinister and sweet all at once, making Kim snap out of his thoughts. "What?" asked Kim, slightly startled. Porchay tilted his head to the side, studying Kim's face intently. "You are so easy to read, PKim," commented the younger man. Kim gritted his teeth and forced himself to remain calm - that was the most obnoxious thing someone had said to him in years. After all, Kim was known for his stone face and cold heart. "How come?" Kim couldn't stop himself from asking. Porchay gave a half-smile that unsettled Kim even further. "It's clearly written on your face that you have a lot of questions you want to ask me," came Porchay's reply. "Ask away, Kim. After all, I'm in a good mood today - who knows what answers I might give." Kim shook his head, fighting back a smirk that threatened to escape from his smoke-sucked lips. 'Porchay has really changed,' he thought.

"If you could easily open these handcuffs, then why did you let me have my way that day, you could've easily defended yourself, or at least I think so." Kim asked in a small voice, not able to meet his lover's eyes. Porchay lifted Kim's head with his fingers on his chin to meet his eyes— "And where's the fun in that Kim, I never said I didn't want it, I do admit things could've been a little different but still I never said I didn't enjoy it, if you know what I mean". Kim's eyes got as big as golf balls with Porchay's words. 'Does this mean Porchay enjoyed being his little fuck toy?' He really has to test this theory to get a definitive answer. But right now more pressing questions need answering.

"And in Ren's den-why did you not try to fight. I know you are an accomplished fighter then why" came his next question. "I agree, I am an accomplished fighter". "I thought it was wise to comply for the answers. He's just a blabbermouth who loves to talk himself up, so I knew he would let something slip if I simply stayed quiet and waited. If you hadn't interrupted us, he would have eventually given me what I needed," Porchay said rolling his eyes.Kim grew furious at the response. "What would have happened to me if he had hurt or killed you? Have you ever thought of that? What if he'd shot or tortured you!?" he yelled out in anger. Porchay managed a strained laugh, "He doesn't have the courage to do anything like that. He's all bark and no bite," he reassured him.Kim was beyond enraged now and his voice raised tenfold again as he shouted, "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT FOR SURE?!"In a voice barely audible, Porchay replied with one word: "Because...I used to date him." His gaze didn't meet Kim's, as he spoke.

Kim was utterly speechless. Trying to grapple with the knowledge that his beloved had previously been involved with Ren, the younger son of the Yakuza clan, this situation had become more and more complicated.

"Kim, let me explain from the beginning, please just sit down," Porchay implored as he lit up another cigarette and took in a deep drag. He exhaled slowly before launching into his story.

"It all started my first year in New York, six months into the semester I was out with some of my friends, we were out clubbing and getting drunk and stoned like dead people. Definitely not a good idea, but at that moment I didn't care what happened to me as long as it took away the pain I felt because of how much I missed you.It seemed that if anything could take your place during those moments, it would be alcohol or drugs. That is when I saw Ren, across the dance floor, man his killer smile literally could kill someone, where my first thoughts"Kim shivered from Porchay's words."Well now that I think about it, it was definitely the alcohol in my system which caused me to think like this. I was fucking high on my arse, I will admit I was trying to get you out of my system and seeing him I knew it would be a great distraction." All these words were like a stab to Kim's heart, he couldn't take in any longer but he knew he had to know so he just clenched his fists and signalled the younger to continue with his godforsaken story."When I approached him, neither one of us exchanged any words; we just started making out. It felt absolutely blissful when I fucked him to oblivion. The next day when he was about to leave my apartment, I asked him if we could do this again." Porchay chuckled a little before continuing-" that basterd couldn't resist my charms. I know I should've checked his background or something, but I was too fucked up. I won't deny, up to that point, I had a lot of one night stands but no one was able to satiate that fire which was lit by you Kim, so I was desperate when Ren was able to do that, I threw away all the caution out the window only to get hurt worse later on. And desperation takes the best in people. This went on for atleast 2 years, most of our fucks included both of us being either high or intoxicated or sometimes even both. Other than that". Porchay was silent for a while."I really treated him shit, I was a real dick to him, he needed commitment but that was not something I could've given him". Porchay looked Kim in the eye and spoke with obvious pain-"not when my heart was still in Thailand. I was just using him to keep the fire at bay, so that I could forget you.......or at least try to. But pretence can only work so far" Porchay took a long pause, The tone in his voice trailed off as he stared out the window, watching the wind blow across the property-"the anniversary of you leaving me on that porch, even after two years it hurt as much, I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I got blind drunk and went back to meet Ren at our apartment and fucked him hard, no holds barred. I fucked him so mercilessly it put even you to shame and when I came hard inside him", Porchay looked straight in Kim's eyes, as if trying to tell him all the unspoken love he had in his eyes to him, "my lips spoke your name PKim, out loud". Kim was shocked, all words and sense leaving him, he could not comprehend all the words that his Porchay spoke -"The next day when I woke up, there was no trace of him in the apartment, it was as if he never existed. I didn't even try to find him. I thought it was for the best, after all I was a proper dick to him. I never saw him, at least not for another year, when he came back"............ Kim never let Porchay finish his sentence, as he started kissing the living daylights out of Porchay. "PKim the story isn't complete". "It can wait" came the reply from Kim as he took Porchay bridal style in his hands to his bed,"but this,I fear this cannot wait".