My darkest desire

23

Kim's POV
Porchay was laying under me- unconscious. What the fuck did I do. I practically raped him. FUCK- Shit shit shit shit.

(Kim gets up and gets a wet towel to clean Porchay's body. It breaks his heart to see Porchay like this.)

His lips all bruised, his throat had my hands prints- all red and . I must have hurt him. And his hands, oh his hands had clear cuts due to those bloody cuffs. He must have been in so much pain and I did that to him I caused him so much pain. Oh GOD I AM AN ANIMAL. And did I really call him a slut. Oh no Gosh what did I do to my Chay.

(Kim clothes chay and then softly takes his face in his hands.)

I am so sorry my darling angel for what I did to you. I know it is of no excuse and I wish I could undo what I did but please Chay do not leave me alone. Let me repent my sins. Just let me be close to you.

(With that Kim hugs his Chay tighter and falls asleep. Even though he did unspeakable things to Chay, having him like this in his arms helped calm his heart and he got one of the best sleeps in a long while)

Author's POV
In the morning
Kim woke first. His angel is sleeping like a baby in his arms. Although he wanted to keep hugging him forever, he knew he had to get up soon. He thought of making Chay some breakfast, although this little thing may not help his case still, he is willing to do anything for Chay's forgiveness. So after giving one last chaste kiss on Porchay's forehead he gets up slowly without making the younger ones sleep disrupted and makes his way towards the kitchen.

It didn't take long after that for Porchay to get up. Feeling a harsh headache making its way, Chay felt very disoriented. He has no idea where he is or what happened last night. All he has is searing pain all over his body especially the lower back. Like a wave crashes a beach, all the memories of the previous night came crashing through his mind making his eyes almost bulge out of its socket, making Porchay sick to his stomach. He made a dash toward the bathroom to literally purge out all the contents of his stomach.

Kim heard hustling from his bedroom, making him aware that Chay is awake, his heart sped up ten folds when he made his way towards his bedroom. Seeing Chay leaning against the toilet bowl puking his guts out stopped his heart for a second. As he went near his Chay, he was stopped by the younger with a gut wrenching yell.

Porchay: Stop, Don't come near me. Stay away.

Kim: Porchay please let me come help you. You don't look good. Please Porchay.

Porchay: I said stay the fuck away from me.

Porchay gets up and washes his face and mouth and tries to come out of the washroom almost falling due to the thumping pain and numb feeling in his legs.Kim quickly holds Chay up. Chay really tries to get out of his grasp but clearly fails.

Kim: Please Chay just let me help you to bed.

Kim helps Porchay sit on the bed and almost sits next to him before Chay stops him.

Porchay: Please don't sit near me.

Kim: I am so sorry Porchay I don't know........I-...I

Porchay: Kim you were always a jerk but I never knew you could go this low. I can't even stand seeing your face right now.

Porchay is trying really hard not to cry, but a few tears seem to betray him. Seeing Chay's tears Kim can't control anymore. He starts bawling his eyes out as he falls to his knees. He hugs Chay's waist and puts his head in his lap and starts crying and apologizing profusely.

Porchay really wants to yell at him, to hit him to push him away from his body. He doesn't want the older touching him. He also doesn't know why is isn't able to do any of that. He just needs his answers.

Porchay: Why Pkim? (His voice is almost a whisper)

Kim: I don't Porchay. I just couldn't handle myself. When I saw you dancing with those jerks, I- I just lost everything. All the self control I had in me, completely left my body. It felt as if some kind of feral animal was controlling me, all that my mind kept saying was I need to claim Porchay. I know Chay, you are not an object to possess, rather an angel to worship. I know whatever apology I have to offer you will never be enough. I know what I did can never be justified in my whole life. But please don't leave me. I won't ever be able to live without you. When I lost you all those years ago it was agony. I don't think I will be able to go through it ever again. You can hit me all you want or even kill me if you want. I won't even lift a finger but please don't leave me. Please Porchay.

Porchay strokes Kim's hair lightly. A sombre silence taking place. The only thing that can be heard is Kim's, silent sobs. Porchay starts speaking in a low, almost whisper-like voice.

Porchay: You know Pkim, that was my first time ever. Not even in my dreams I had thought it would go like this.

Porchay lets out a dull chuckle to how fate had played with him. Kim's eyes widened at the given statement.

Kim: But I thought y-you had done it multiple times. You all were talking about all of your..... That was also one of the things that made me jealous to no end. It was like the spark to what happened afterwards.

Porchay: Pkim you should have listened more carefully. Yes I have had sex multiple times in college. But I never let anyone do me. I know it sounds stupid and hopeless, but I could never get myself to bottom out cause of a little hope in my heart. I wanted you to be my first. Even though I knew this dream of mine would never be fulfilled but still a man can dream, you know. (Again he lets a dry chuckle come out of his mouth.) Who knew it would come true in the most twisted way, I guess I owe you a thank you.

Kim can't even comprehend what Chay just spoke. He knew he had fucked up big time but this, he won't even flinch if Chay tortured him right now. Hell would do it to himself. He stripped Chay of his virginity in the most brutal way. It really made his heart flutter to listen to Chay say that he was saving himself for him, that he had a little hope in him. But he himself extinguished this hope in the most pathetic way. He would do anything to make Chay happy and forget this experience. He knows now that if he needs to get Chay's heart once again he has to right all his wrongs starting from this.

Porchay: Pkim.....(Kim cuts him)

Kim: Porchay I know my sorry or any of my actions won't ever make this go away. I know it's not worth it but I never submitted to anyone either. But I am willing to do it for you. Anytime you want in your life, this offer will always be open just for you, Porchay...........