THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS

22. KILL HIM

TRIGGER WARNING
MENTION OF RAPE
VIOLENCE

A week after the dinner

AMARA
Death, something that can't be controlled but we all know it follows us around. At every corner we turn, looking over our shoulder. you never know when it will strike

Lili always knew her grandma was gonna die some day but I guess she always thought she would be there to walk her down the aisle or atleast be there for her graduation

The pain she felt couldn't come close to just words explained on paper. To her, losing her grandma meant she remained with no one but herself

It's hard to say it's okay when it's not she lays in Ethans arms sobbing
Ethan doesn't say a word
What can he say

She found her grandma dead infront of the TV and begged her to wakeup even when she knew she was gone but refused to accept it. I don't know if it's wrong but the understand each other in some way

I put my head on Xanders shoulder and listen to Lilith cry out
The last time I expressed death is when Sally died but I don't like to remember that day

Lilith stops crying and everyone starts discussing about the funeral
I go over to Lili and Ethan goes out to make phone calls

"You were right she was gonna leave me" I look at
" I also said I will always be here I'm not leaving you" she smiles and hugs me tight

"Are you gonna be staying here"
"No I'm going to Ethan's" I nod and just hold her in my arms

Kourtney and Ryan are also here together with Marcus and zoey
The all came to support Lili

If I could just open up maybe the will be there for me too like Ryan is
But I can't, not right now, not ever

~~~~~~~

I go to the Graveyard to visit Sally's grave leaving daisies near her stone. I know she was a baby but I always pictured her loving daisies

I sit there just staring at the stone until I hear a noise coming from the otherside

I stand up and walk away I'm not getting possessed by any spirits today

"Fuck!" I hear the spirit say but I know that voice I turn and walk over
I see Ethan breaking down his mom's grave stone
Talk about issues

"Feeling better" I say
"You have no idea" He sighs in relief
"What are you doing here"
"Sally" I say and he nods understandingly

"Hey the other day when I was burning my house" I look at him
"You flinched is there something going on"

He doesn't really care
He wants to fix you
His just playing hero

The voices say

"No"
"Amara you don't seem like yourself these days I saw you at the dinner table you didn't even eat half of your food"
"I had a heavy lunch" I say blankly

"Bullshit"
"Ethan I'm fine" I say stainly
"Nobody is always fine Amara we just say that to avoid being asked questions we can't answer" He sighs

"Just tell me what's going on and I can..."
"You can what, help me, fix me, play hero" I snap at him I don't even know why I'm upset

"Amara"
"Not all of us are broken and damaged like you. some of us are actually fine so stop trying to play hero I don't fucking need it"

"You don't mean that" He says looking at me sadly I hurt him again

"Yet, I said it" He walks away from me and I fall to the ground breathing heavily