THE HEART WANTS WHAT IT WANTS

25. PARALYSED

AMARA
I just lay there feeling nothing
I have lost everything.  I don't have a reason to live yet I'm still here

I hold my legs to my chest but I don't cry, I don't scream. Silence is my new bestfriend and I think we get along pretty well

She comes in and puts food at the table not saying a single word and walks out

I haven't left this room for 4 days I haven't slept and I haven't eaten I just lay here and listen to the voices

It's like I'm paralysed
I no longer feel things, I know I should, but I just don't

Where's the person I used to be? I was happy with good friends. It feels like that me died together with my baby

I don't want to die but I'm scared to live
I can't stay here forever this isn't home even though she's my mum
She has a all new family now I just don't thing the want me here

I came here looking for answers to why she refused to keep me
If she did, all this wouldn't have happened

She said she wasn't financially stable
She needed to make money and running around with a child wasn't gonna do her any good

I told her everything that happened and she cried
She still cries. Everytime she walks in here she cries

It's funny how she's the one who's crying but I'm the broken one that needed saving

Mum doesn't stay very far just like an hour away from where I was staying.  I didn't even know that
I called her the day I lost my baby and throw my phone in the bushes

She picked me up and we went to her place
Steve wanted to hug me that day but I flinched and he stepped back. I'm glad he respected my boundaries

His a nice man he owns his own company which makes him extremely wealthy
There house is massive and the room the gave me looked like something out of a Pinterest

I decide to go downstairs and I find her in the kitchen
" hi" I say with a low voice

"Hi baby can I make you something" i nod my head No
"You haven't eaten since you came here Amara please eat something"
" if I do it will just come back up"

I hear a little girl laughing and I look to the door
It's Steve my step father and Daisy my step sister 
She's only 6 but talks a lot

"Hi Amara I'm happy to see you out of your room" Steve says with smile
"Amara!" Daisy runs and hugs me tight

She has the life that I wanted to have but I can't hate her She's just a kid

"How was school" I put her on my laps
"Ugh why are boys so annoying, this boy took my pencil and started making fun of me but do you know what I did" She grins
"What did you do" I ask curious

"I slapped him and he started crying such a baby" I laugh lightly
"That's my little sister" I hug her before she runs off to her room

"Amara" Steve calls getting my attention
" I found something" He hands me a piece of paper it's a missing poster with my face on it

"It seems your friends are looking for you" I look away from the poster
"The don't like me enough to look for me" I say looking down

"I don't want to say anything because I don't know them but I was hoping I could talk to you about something else" I look at him he looks nervous but mum nods telling him to go ahead

"I know its to soon but I would like it if you could stay with us" they want me? He seems genuine and like a really nice man but I can't help the fear of thinking he might be like Michael