Hey my love,
I'm kind of down in the dumps a bit. A hazard of returning to the present I guess.
I'm being treated with rudeness at home and it really stings.
Picked up my altered dress, the slit was a good move. It looks way better now.
I'm in the middle of writing my first letter to the beast. It's not going to be what you'd expect. The beast is something I struggle to address head on, ever, in any context, so I'm taking you through a little side street (pun intended, you'll see what I mean when you read it) by way of a gentle introduction. I'm allowing a bit of humanity to bleed through (also a pun) because as a child, I loved her.
Hey imagine how different OGs life would've been if I hadn't attended the stats 101 bridging course. Oh yeah, he is only a few months older than me but he was somehow a year ahead of me in uni so any classes we attended together after that bridging course, was him sitting in on my lectures and trying to convince me to concentrate. Our mutual friend Eden said he must love me, because only true love could make someone sit through a principles of business lecture when they weren't taking the unit.
Imagine - he does his crab shuffle until he and Medea are face to face. They talk about the weather non-ironically and maybe he says 'let's get out of here' and they both find their happily ever after. Not under the willow though, Medea was more of a path girl.
I hate feeling sad like this.
——
Just had laser really weirdly sensitive today. Each zap was like having a hot needle plunging into my flesh.
So a school bully if yours died unexpectedly and in 99% sure four thinks it is as he says 'god will do the justice to anyone who has hurt me' this statement he repeats all the time might be one of the things I hate the most about him.
And four is acting extremely weird in a way that is annoying the absolute fuck out of me.
-// okay I need your take on my last two letters. The first one tells you more about four than the beast tbh. It's a deliberate misnomer.
The second while ostensibly about a school friend is actually giving a little personal insight. Humbling the narrator a little in a public way.
Hey I need reassurance right now.
- so I call her mum for the reader. I'm letting them see my world but for some reason typing the word is weirdly painful
- it's said toothy grin not toothless. She had a horsey kind of smile. She was my friend from 12-18 so a significant period of time. She screwed me over many times. And towards the end I started to fick with her bc I was done with her shit.
The friend who brought the lunches was in one of my many other schools.
I'm really down
I don't feel loved
I feel like everything is pointless. I just want to be alone and go lie on a beach where I can feel the sun on my skin and hear the indifferent voices of people I don't know
Back then reading was my only escape.
Yep lunches was so they wouldn't get reported
I'm dropping hints about four the beast suicide attempt heart
I just want to be physically alone
- a really dumb hazard of loving you - getting perved on by big guys with beards is now something that makes me smile.
I have this fantasy of being happy and it seems so stupid and unrealistic that I just want to cry. Happiness is not for someone like me.
When I was out I saw all these normal people walking around in my favourite part of Sydney happy in the return of the sun, people flocking to spend their day on the beach.
