Good morning love
I hope you slept well.
I gotta cook soon but I'm super tired and not in the mood. I think it'll be stir fry tonight
Mmm I'm so tired love. Struggled to sleep bc Ted hogged the blankets. Then slept like I was in a coma.
- yeah I cooked and it was such a relief to eat my own cooking.
That sounds like fun love.
Your pics time out way too fast for me to read so I have no idea where the mi thing landed
Also Damn when I wasn't eating or sleeping wish I had the entitlement of calling upon my fix it genie to turn up fix my life then disappear until I need them again. I just had to wing it
——
— no you misread my statement entirely. I'm jealous af that some people out there have people they can turn to rely on. I dont hate you or her for it. Just wish I had that myself. In my life when I see shit like that I always think why couldn't that have been me? Why am I the one who always has to deliver. Why when I'm breaking why am I always alone. I told you I'm fine for you to help and I meant it. Because firstly I understand and secondly I trust you. But also bc I wish ppl had helped me. The only thing I see in this situation is a forever dependence that's the only reason I'm not the one telling you to make the call. She'll never learn to walk if you always hold her hand.
Yesterday got really bad. Went to bed around 2am. My head is spinning despite the sleep in. It was the dumbest most unecessary bullshit. I'm exhausted. Half of me had formed this plan to call you. Say nothing to any of them and wait in bed until you burst through the door and carried me out of there.
Let me tell you a really dumb example of me being sick of having to step up. In the Maldives we went canoeing in the ocean. In advance he does the googles on how to row etc. I have kayaked once in a river 15 years ago and I didn't bother googling and told him it was intuitive and told him some basics.
Cue one minute in and he isn't paddling. I am literally in the ocean with no arm muscle trying by myself to desperately paddle us both back to shore. Every time he tries to paddle he fucks it up. I can't do it he whines my tummy is too full. Then points to a spot in the distance'row me to that beach' then complains when I'm struggling to make progress on my own. The ocean eventually takes pity and the swell carries us in to shore. For him the fun canoe ride isn't over but I yrll jump out of the boat and throw myself bodily out of the canoe. In the process his sunnies fall into the ocean. Who has to go in after them? You guessed it. I was so mad I yelled you are the most incompetent person I know. Afterwards he complains that rowing was hard how come I could do it and I say it was hard for me too but one of us had to man up and it was never going to be you.
So I'm generally fed up of rising to the occasion and wish anyone would just take care of me.
So yesterday's blow up was because and before you ask - no I'm not joking I swear to god I'm serious -
~I was ignoring him while he was taking a nap ~
Yes that's right. I wasn't talking to him while he was trying to sleep. I'm so fucking tired.
Anyway I went in a hunger strike skipped two meals and ended up eating after midnight. And also
~ it doesn't matter whose fault it is I should just accept it
When I tried to reason he kept yelling 'next!' Like I'm a peasant in line with a petition for the king
This naturally was followed by nightmares about V. Weird thing is four said I was laughing maniacally in my sleep.
