Arranged [SeongJoong]

015

Seonghwa

What happened today?! No, I'm serious. I want an answer. Was it because of the incident earlier? Why was it any time we did anything, did I feel like my heart was going to explode.

After dinner, we settled for watching a movie, which would've been fine until he leaned over me to grab the remote and I genuinely thought I would die on the spot.

I mean sure, before he never really touched me or even got close to me. The first time he did touch me I jumped away like an idiot. It just felt all of a sudden.

Before we could even finish the movie, the tension got so high that I had to take a minute to the bathroom. Why did he look so fine?! Was it really just me? If so it was even more embarrassing to be losing my shit over nothing.

The sudden change in dynamic was difficult for me to adjust to, I splashed water on my face, my cheeks burning hot.

Then there was a small knock on the door. "Are you okay?" He asked.

No. I wasn't. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." There's not much I can use as an excuse because I literally jumped off the couch and ran to the bathroom. If I used being sick as an excuse, he'd just be worried.

I took a couple of minutes, still trying to fix my breathing and I opened the bathroom door, my stomach dropping. Why the fuck was he waiting for me?

He put his phone away, "What happened?" He asked. "Do you feel alright?" He reached his hand out to my forehead which I quickly pulled away from.

Yes, that was the best move I could've made. Definitely didn't make him even more concerned.

"Seonghwa, what's wrong?" He asked, his voice more serious than before.

How do I say that you being close to me in general is currently making it hard for me to focus or breathe properly without sounding pathetic?

"I'm just feeling a little nauseous, is all, I think I'm going to go to bed early." I said.

"Do you need anything?" He asked.

"No, I'm fine. I just want to get some rest." I said and without a second thought I went straight to my room, pulling out my phone.

I had been talking to San a lot recently, finding out he was actually a pretty good friend to have.

And as much as I loved Wooyoung...talking to him about how I was feeling right now didn't seem like the best option.

I called San and like always he answered pretty quickly. "Yeah?"

"Hey so...I'm just a tiny bit confused right now." I said, still trying to calm down.

"What happened?" He asked, I heard him stop moving as he waited for me to continue.

"I'm kinda freaking out right now, um things with Joong have been a bit weird the past couple of days. Especially today. I mean he's paying attention to me which is weird enough." I rambled on.

"Okay..." He said calmly. "What's making you freak out? Is he acting weird around you or something?"

"He's being nice to me." I said.

I heard a muffled chuckle on the other end and my face twisted into a scowl.

"How exactly is he being nice to you?" He continued.

"Well I had something in my eye and so he helped me get it out." I said, already feeling flushed from the events earlier.

"Ah. So...I don't have much evidence here. But it sounds like to me...that you like him."

I gritted my teeth. "I'm going to hang up now-"

"Wait wait wait!" He laughed for a minute then calmed down. "Okay, I'm sorry. So why are you calling me, like why are you freaking out then?"

"I just feel like he keeps getting too close." I answered.

"In a good way or in a bad way?"

"What?"

"Do you want him to stop is what I'm trying to get at?" He asked.

My brain stopped working for a second. I hadn't really considered that, if I wanted him to stop or not.

"I don't know." I said.

"Yes, you do." He countered. "You know what I mean when I say if you want him to stop. You know that feeling better than most. However, it seems like now, you don't want him to stop and that scares you. So please explain to me why you're freaking out so much."

I sighed, plopping down on the edge of my bed. "It feels weird to think these thoughts so fast. It kinda feels like I didn't really go through anything that night, because now I'm getting over it so fast."

"Obviously you're not getting over it really quickly if you're talking about it now. You being a bit uncomfortable and nervous about those feelings are because of that."

I frowned, looking at the ground. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, that's not what I mean. I just mean that you did go through a lot and it's only been a couple of days. Don't dwell on it but it's okay to realize you need time before things go anywhere."

"I don't even know why I'm feeling this way, he's obviously not freaking out the way I am." I muttered.

"That's because he is on the aromantic spectrum." He said and I looked up.

"What?"

"Yeah. He doesn't feel romantic attraction easily. I think he's demiromantic...I don't know if that's the right term. But anyway. Yeah, so you're probably right, he doesn't feel that way towards you. At least right now." He said casually.

"So there's literally no point then."

"Platonic love is a thing, my guy. Work on building a friendship with him. Plus I said he was on the spectrum, so it's possible for him to have those feelings."

"How does it work?" I asked.

"You have to form a deep bond with him. But I'm pretty much just speculating now. I mean he's never shown any interest in anybody romantically...I don't feel like I'm encouraging you."

"You're not."

"I didn't think so. Just try and do what you're doing, get closer to him. Have conversations with him for fucks sake. I mean you guys rarely ever talk."

"No wonder he's never fallen in love with anybody, he's never willing to talk to anyone." I said.

"...that's actually a little true. Just try to get closer to him and calm the hell down."

After talking for a couple of minutes, I ended the call and let what he said replay in my mind.

But then the biggest question popped in my head.

Did I really want to fall in love with him?