Arranged [SeongJoong]

017

Seonghwa

I came to a conclusion.

I did want him to fall in love with me.

Desperately.

What even changed?

I knew exactly what changed. What changed is that he started caring. What changed is that he was so fucking sweet even though he didn't want people to see that. What changed is I so desperately wanted to be loved and Hongjoong's presence was like a breath of fresh air even though I felt like I was being tortured when I was around him.

What changed is that I felt like I was in love with him!!!

I felt like I was going crazy, laying in bed with him like this. I wanted more with him, and I felt like an imposter.

Even though we were married, it was against our will and now I felt like I was betraying myself in some way.

My skin burned and my heart ached. He was just so very beautiful barefaced, sleeping peaceful. All of the coldness was now gone.

"I like you, Hongjoong. A lot. And it feels like it's going to kill me if I don't tell you. But I'm far too much of a coward to tell you." 

___

[Three Months Later]

"Hongjoong!" I shouted, running into the kitchen to see that the smoke alarm was blaring. "Goddammit. I can't leave you alone for two seconds!"

Things were supposed to be getting calmer. Especially after I did go to the doctor and he said I was making great progress. Hongjoong was cooking more for me, but for whatever reason, this happened.

"I have no idea what I'd do without you." He breathed, trying to get control of the mess he created.

"Crash and burn?" I asked as I opened a window and waited for the noise to stop. The smoke cleared finally and the alarm quieted. I took a deep breath, turning to look the mess I should helpcleanup, I saw Hongjoong staring at me. "What?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed.

"Seonghwa." He murmured.

"Hmm?"

He smiled, shaking his head a little. "Nevermind."

I pouted, coming up towards him. "Hongjoong, confess, what's on your mind?"

"You look beautiful today." He said, sweeping my hair out of my face.

It's been months. Actually, it's been about half a year since I even met him. God, it felt like such a short time to be with him. How has he fucked up my life so completely?

How is it that whenever he touched me, my heart would do somersaults in my chest?

"Hongjoong, I-"

The doorbell rang, interrupting both of our thoughts and making us move away from each other.

I cleared my throat, "I'll get it."

I put distance between us and ran away from the scene, again...like a fucking coward.

I opened the door, pausing when I saw San standing there. "Cockblocker." I muttered and he raised his eyebrows.

"Should I leave?" He whispered.

I sighed, "No, nothing was happening. I wish it was. It would if I wasn't such an idiot."

"You're helpless, Seonghwa. He's your husband-"

"Fake husband!"

"Very real husband. You both are very real married too. I mean, you both like each other. Ask him."

"I'm not as forward as you, also you should take your own advice considering you and Wooyoung-"

"Seonghwa, who is it?" Hongjoong said. I went dead silent, noticing how San's eyes narrowed at me the moment I brought up Wooyoung.

"Both of you just need to fuck already and get it over with. If you do, I might start taking your advice." I turned around and smiled at Hongjoong who came in. "Its just San, he was just leaving."

San rolled his eyes but played along, "I just wanted to tell Seonghwa something. I was around the area and decided to stop by, but sadly duty calls."

"Oh...okay. Well, we'll talk soon. I guess." Hongjoong was very clearly and rightfully confused but he didn't protest much as San left. "That was weird."

"San is weird." I answered back, my hand still gripping the doorknob, as if I was scared to turn around. I was.

"Seonghwa...are you okay? Did I do-"

"God no!" I blurted, my eyes locking with his. Huge mistake. Now my heartbeat was beating like a drum. "No...no you didn't do anything. I'm just...a coward."

"What are you scared about?"

Silence.

"Hwa."

Fuck.

"Us." I finally answered. "I feel...we weren't...." I let out a frustrated breath. "This wasn't supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to like each other."

"That's not how you acted when we first met."

"I like you." I breathed, the confession making me nauseous.

"I know, Hwa." He smiled, his eyes turning I cresent moons as he did. So beautiful. "I like you too."

"Fuck this." I breathed, storming over to him and grabbing his face into my hands for a kiss.

"I never knew you were so dominant, Hwa." He said in between kisses.

"I want what I want, Joong. And I want you."