Arranged [SeongJoong]

016

Seonghwa 

I choked on air, struggling to breath. I clawed at the sheets, waking up in a pool of sweat, my stomach convulsed, making me struggle to not throw up on myself.

I pulled myself on my side, desperately trying to breathe but before I could stop them, tears poured down my cheeks and I couldn't control the sobs.

It's not like I could even remember what my nightmare was even about, I just remembered certain details but overall I remembered the panic and helplessness.

I shoved my face into a pillow, crying my heart out. I wanted to claw at my skin and scream for somebody to stop the pain I felt.

I never heard the door open, and I didn't see anybody walk towards me but suddenly I was being held.

Pulling away, I used my sleeve to wipe at my face as I shook. I clung onto him, feeling truly desperate.

"It's okay." He breathed, hugging me tightly. "It's okay. I got you out of there. It will never happen again, I promise."

I wanted to scream or rip something apart but at the same time I was so drained and broken.

I took a shower, doing my best to avoid the mirror. It was hard enough to wash my body without scrubbing my skin off.

Hongjoong made me breakfast before I went to classes. I sat next to Wooyoung, trying my hardest to not pass out.

It was pointless. Because I did.

I woke up with a gasp, checking my surroundings when I felt my shoulder move.

Wooyoung stared at me, concerned. "Have you been sleeping?"

"Yeah, sorry. Last night was a bit difficult." I said, just saying words at this point. I wiped my face, sitting up.

"You know if you took some time off, nobody would judge you."

"It's a lot better to be here than home alone." I said, yawning and checking my surroundings. I glanced at him and then groaned, "Stop staring at me like I'm a wounded puppy."

"You're starting to make me worry."

"Well stop, I'm fine." I answered. "See? Look. I'm fine." I gestured to myself and he looked unimpressed. "What happened to the guy anyway?" Even thinking about him made me feel sick.

"I left him with the girls at the party." Wooyoung said. "I don't think he's dead but I can't be sure."

I scoffed, "Don't joke about that."

"I'm not entirely sure I am. What he did was twisted, Seonghwa."

"What? Really? And I thought we were having a great time." I saw one look from Wooyoung and regretted the sarcasm. "What? You can use humor as a defense mechanism but I can't?"

"You joking about it isn't what worries me, it's the fact that you're not sleeping and when I met you in the bathroom, you were throwing your guts up. That's what worries me."

"I already said it once and I'll say it again, I'm fine. I just have to deal with it. It's not going to go away immediately. So, I'm coping. Anyway, are you free after class?"

"I was going to hang out with San but I'll cancel." He said.

"Pfft, why? That's great!" I poked him in the side. "You've been starving for some alone time with the guy."

"You're more important."

"Not to you. To you, that man is more important because you need to tell him in a bold neon sign that you have feelings for him." I said.

"I don't even know-"

"I don't even know if he likes guys like that." I mocked, "Yes, you do. No straight man would let you get away with what you've gotten away with. He likes you, but if you keep playing around, he's just going to get the impression that you aren't actually interested in him. San doesn't play, man. He likes straightforwardness and for some reason for the first time in your life, you are being everything but straightforward."

"Good job at avoiding the subject."

"Well aren't you the pot calling the kettle black. We're both good at avoiding the topic, aren't we? Let's go, we're going to be late to our next class." I said, standing up.

"I should go to bed, I have to go to work early." Hongjoong said as he stretched.

Right...sleep.

"I think I'm going to stay up a bit longer." I said.

He paused to look at me, "Don't you have classes in the morning?"

"I'll be fine."

"What about your nightmares?" He asked.

"I'll try to take sleeping pills, don't worry about me." I said.

He sighed, "Okay. I'll see you in the morning."

For the next hour I tried to stay up as much as I could so I didn't have to fall asleep but with the tv on and still on the couch I fell asleep. 

Hongjoong

I had always been an extremely light sleeper. Sleeping had always been an interesting experiment for me because depending on the situation I could usually choose whether or not to stay sleeping or wake up.

So when Seonghwa started having nightmares, I could hear him pretty quickly even though he usually tried to stay quiet.

Tonight was no different. I got off the bed, still pretty groggy as I left my room.

I didn't expect to find him on the couch though. I stopped at the end of the hall, staring at him who was still taking in his surroundings.

"Just for tonight." I said, gesturing to my room.

He seemed too out of it to fight me on the matter and he stumbled to my room.

We were both dead tired to process exactly what we were doing, instead we just passed out cuddled up like that.