Whatever: The Diary of Violet

DAY 31

I WAS HAVING A DREAM, where I was flying. I was just flying through the pink skies. I felt infinite, I haven't felt this way before. It feels nice. And scary at the same time because I then had this weird sensation of falling. Like those times you dream you were falling from a high point? Yeah, I was flying and then I fell and woke up.

I quickly jumped up from the feeling of falling in my dream. Whoa, what a weird dream. I rarely think of the color pink. I sat up on my bed and stretched. My vision was kind of blurry, I rub my eyes as I reached for my phone to check the time. And then I noticed that my phone wasn't on my bed. It was across the room... on my bed. And then I remembered, I was not on my bed, I was on Cameron's bed.
Oh my God...

I turn to my right and see the body sleeping next to me. I then remembered something else...
Oh my God...

I was clearly panicking at the moment and got off the bed when I remembered. I saw all my clothes sprawled on the floor.
Oh my God...

I then covered my half-naked body with a blanket and slowly turn back to Cameron, he was soundly sleeping. He was sleeping with this grin on his face. And then I remembered EVERYTHING. Cameron, Allan, Tessa, the roof, the city, and then finally when we did it.
Oh my God...

I can't believe I actually did it. I know that I wouldn't dare to do it because of my dignity and shit but, it's too late to take it back now! I'm disappointed of myself, and at the same time, kind of happy. But mostly disappointed because what would my parents think? Me doing it in my room under their roof? Well I should partly blame them because I had to share a room with him. Speaking of him, I turn to right side of the bed where Cameron was sleeping. He still has that annoying grin in his face. And then I could feel all the anger in me book up and wanting to punch him because... he took it! He's the one who I lost it to! But at the same time, I felt like it was really bound to happen. I don't know, I never really thought is lose it to Cameron. I always thought that I'd lose it to Allan. But that was too stupid to even think of. I thought I loved him so I always thought I'd end up with him and me doing it. Yes, I promised myself to do it with someone I truly loved. Corny, but true. Anyways, I thought I loved him and I thought he loved me but it was a lie. I was just one of his "conquests" and he just wanted a nail and bail. He's old news anyways. Now I have Cameron to think of. I was sober last night so why in the world would I decide to lose it to Cameron last night? A voice in the back of my head then started to speak...

Me: It was bound to happen Violet.
Me: shut up.
Me: You guys are teenagers in love...
Me: shut up.
Me: and you guys live under the same roof so it was really bound to happen.
Me: shut up.

I just cleared my thoughts and started to think. Yes, I knew it was going to happen. Yes, we're are in love. And yes, I know it's weird that I have countless talks with myself. I got off the bed and started to scout for my clothes which were everywhere. When I finally got dressed, I went out the bedroom and headed downstairs. My mom was in the kitchen with a mug on one hand. She looked... messed up.

"Mom, what the hell happened to you?" She laughed and shook her head she drank whatever was in her mug.

"Well, I have a major headache from last night sweetie..." She smiled. Oh yeah, she was out last night because of this company party. When my dad came back from his trip, my mom missed him so they decided to head out last night and that company party was a chance to. "There was alcohol so I think I went overboard... Your dad too so he's like locked out in bed right now" she added. I just nodded with my mouth wide opened with shock. she just looks at me and puts down the mug. "Oh Violet, don't be so surprised! We just needed a night out and to feel young again!" She exclaimed. "You'll feel the need to do so as well when you grow old."

The shocked expression on my face turned into a concerned expression. "Yeah but mom, your health! I don't think your body can handle that much alcohol because you guys are so..."

She looked back at me and put her hand on her hip. "Are you saying I'm old?" She shot back. I just rolled my eyes and sat on one of the stools.

"No mom. But you know what I mean right?" She nodded and sat down beside me. "Yes I know that you're worried about us and that's why we love you so." She said as she stroke my hair. "But you don't have to because we know what we're doing." She smiled. I smiled and hugged her. I couldn't help but smell the alcohol from her clothes. It must be some party. And now I remembered that I was wearing the clothes from last night as well, what if she smells the weird stench of the bar? Or of Cameron?!? I quickly broke off from our hug and just smiled as sweetly as I can.

"Anyways Violet, we really know what we're doing. Unlike when we were high schoolers, now that is some crazy stuff." She waggled her index finger at me as she reaches for her mug.

"Oh so what did you do when you guys were in high school?" I asked as I reach for the stuff for making a sandwich.

She tapped on her cup, looking out wherever, probably feeling the nostalgia of her high school days. "Ahh, high school. Fun and torturous at the same time."

"Tell me about it..." I breathed as I spread peanut butter on a piece of wheat bread.

"Yeah..." She nodded. "Anyways, the stuff we did before was as crazy as what you teenagers did now." She looked at me and I just laughed awkwardly. "We did the usual, parties, TP-ing peoples houses, trashing someone's car, the basics." I nodded as I took a bite of my sandwich. "We also did crazier stuff that would make your grandfather go crazy!" She laughed. She then gave me a look which looks like she thinks I know what she's talking about. She keeps wriggling her brows and winking. Not so helpful hints mom. But I think I do know what she talking about. Drugs, wild parties, fights and... Sex. (I try not to gag imagining my parents in their teen years doing these... Things.) I just nod and ignore the fact that she actually did those kinds of stuff. From the look of my grandparents, my parents seemed to be raised well so that they could be responsible adults. But I have NEVER thought that they did those kinda of things. But me and my friends are doing stuff as bad as what my parents did before so... the past is the past and we should leave it like that.

"So..." My mom suddenly said as she went to the refrigerator. "Have YOU been doing anything that would make me and your father go crazy?" She asks me. Oh my God, does she know? Did someone tell her? It's not like she heard us (Because they came back home in like 5 in the morning.)

"Uh, no..." I quiver. "Why'd you ask?"

"Oh I'm just as worried as you as you are worried for us." She said. "I just hope that whatever you're doing, you know that you're doing the right thing." She kissed me in the forehead and went back upstairs. Even if it doesn't sound like it, I know that she's suspicious. But we all make mistakes. But that night with Cameron wasn't a mistake for sure...