Crazy In Love | Buggy

f i v e

I studied his face for what felt like an eternity, desperately searching for even a hint of how he was feeling about what I had just said. His face was still, deadpan. Whatever he was feeling, it was clear to me that I wouldn't be able to tell until he spoke.

When he finally did speak, however, he just told me, "Repeat what you just said," in an inscrutable tone.

The last thing I wanted to do was repeat myself. I wasn't even sure if I could get the words out of my mouth a second time. I was scared that if I did, it would finally cause him to react. Not speaking seemed like the better route to take. The less I talked, the less mad he would be.

I knew that was foolish. A reaction would come no matter what I did now. The best thing I could do was just whatever he told me, as soon as he told me. It had taken me long enough to get the words out the first time, but surprisingly the words came out easily the second time.

The words seemed to flow out like water from a tap. I didn't even recognise the voice coming out of my mouth. It sounded alien to me.

"You destroyed your book."

"And how the hell did I do that, sweetheart? Hm? I came here specifically to get that book, I even commanded my clowns not to destroy any books in this town."

Our eyes met again, and I once again searched for his reaction. His eyes were normally so expressive. The fact that I couldn't read them now was causing the fear inside of me to build further.

He clicked his fingers, which apparently was some sort of signalled to his clown pirates because two of them quickly moved towards me as Buggy released me, sauntering back onto the stage.

The two clowns, both with bright red hair, unlocked the shackles around my feet and dragged me onto the stage.

Now that I was on the stage, and out of the direct spotlight, I could see the audience, my townspeople, much clearer.

I saw the looks on their faces. Some eyes were wide, filled with pure fear and terror. Some of them looked more confused than anything else. I realised a lot of them might not have even been aware that those books had been stashed here.

How sad that these people could all be killed for a book that they didn't even know existed. No, they could be killed because of me. That thought began to fester in my head, growing like the branches of a tree. It felt as if the thought could swallow me whole. Because of me. I had always seen myself as so insignificant. The idea that one of my actions could get my entire town killed, was dizzying.

The guilt I felt was indescribable. I wished more than anything that I could go back, leave the book behind. Or not attack his clowns. That way, Buggy wouldn't have thrown the book into the ocean. There seemed to be so many mistakes that I had committed. Hindsight only served to make me feel worse.

But I couldn't go back in time, I reminded myself. All I could do now was find a solution to fix this. Or at the least, ensure that only I would be punished for this.

I was willing to die. In fact, I did not see any other possibility than for me to die because of this. At the very least, I wanted to be the only death. As long as nobody else was punished for my actions, I would accept any fate.

"So!" Buggy's voice boomed, causing me to jolt in fear. His voice didn't sound angry, more annoyed than anything else. I listened carefully to everything he said. "You don't want to give me my book - perhaps you have plans to sell it or even more stupidly, maybe you have plans to use it."

That's when it dawned on me that he simply didn't believe me. He thought I was lying so that I could keep his little book of maps. I hadn't even considered that possibility.