Crazy In Love | Buggy

e i g h t y

At first, I had struggled to get the words to leave my mouth. I was so worried about how he would feel about it. Would he feel responsible? Guilty? Or angry? He had said he did not like the idea of me being harmed because of him, and he could easily see what happened today as an example of that.

I did not see it that way. Jacques was responsible for his own actions, and Buggy had no way of knowing it would happen. But Buggy clearly felt responsible for what happened to me.

However, once I began speaking, the words just spilt out like word vomit. I hadn't realised how much I needed to get it all out. As I spoke, I felt lighter and lighter.

"I was worried about you. You had been away for too long, I had thought something really bad had happened to you. Maybe the townspeople had attacked you for what you did to Jacques. I wanted to wait for you, I debated it... but in the end I couldn't stop myself.

So, I went into town looking for you. Before I could get to the hotel, I ran into Jacques."

Buggy's head shot up to look at me, clear rage written all over it. He was still sitting down on the bed. I avoided his look, but it was difficult.

"If he hurt you, I'll kill him." That made me laugh slightly. "What's so funny? I'm serious."

"I know you are," I assured him, still not looking him in the eyes. "But... I beat you to it."

"I don't understand."

I sucked in a breath, my chest feeling tight all of a sudden. "I already killed him. The blood on my clothes... it's his."

"He deserved it."

"He did," I agreed, and I really meant it. "But I still killed someone. I don't like that I'm becoming a murderer, even if he did deserve it."

Buggy stood up then, cupping my face in his hands and delicately tilted my head up so that my eyes met his. "You did what you had to do. Don't feel guilty for him; he wouldn't have felt guilty for killing you. Tell me exactly what happened."

"He tried to... he... "

Buggy broke our gaze, looking genuinely pained at the realisation. He took a couple of steps away from me, seemingly trying to calm himself.

I continued. "He didn't succeed. I didn't let him." It felt important to me that Buggy knew that. Still, he stood off to the side of me, avoiding looking at me for a moment. "Buggy?"

My voice had broken as I had said his name. That seemed to grab his attention. He walked back over towards me, wrapping me in his arms once more. Just like before, I melted into his embrace.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"I love you."

His grip tightened. "I love you more than you could ever know, Betty. I should have killed Jacques when I had the chance, then he wouldn't have - "

"He didn't succeed. I already said that."

"Yes but he tried to, and I'm sure he managed to hurt you in some way before you managed to kill him. That wouldn't have happened if I had killed him. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't taken you from your town."

I pulled back from him. "I want you to stop saying things like that."

"Things like what?" He looked genuinely confused.

My eyebrows furrowed together. "Things about how you shouldn't have taken me with you. This year has been the best year of my life. Travelling with you... it's been like a dream."