Green Eyed Monster

The Ever Present Past

We, as people, say 'leave the past in the past,' as if by saying this, it's in some distant world, long forgotten. However, our past is our very own personal history that defines us. It's not some forgotten piece of information that's outdated. Our past is ever present. 

We return to it for wisdom, comfort, nostalgia, memories of joy, pain, and betrayal. Whatever we need dwells in our past. We learn from our past. We grow and evolve from our past. But a forgotten past is an oxymoron. No matter how hard we may try to forget it, it's a new, ever-present event to someone who learns about your past.

Today I understand why Ecclesiastes 10:1 compares dead flies putrefying perfume, to folly putrefying your good reputation. One foolish mistake can dictate how others choose to see you forever. 

How'd I go from the most envied person in the neighborhood to the local murder suspect all because I chose to have sex with Solomon? That one past mistake has defined me for almost a decade now. 

I'm sure the police have gotten a ton of stories from Pinky, Gypsy, Terri, all of Solomon's family, and it's all bad. Even if they go to my job, those jealous women will rip me to shreds. The only support I'd get is from my immediate family and maybe my church. I know my Pastor and First Lady have my back, but Elgin's jealousy may taint his view of me.

It's then I wonder, have they questioned Trevor and Drake? They've been mighty quiet the past few days. Although I've told them nothing, their distance assures me they know something. Instantly, I call Drake. He answers with a ton of noise in the background.

    "Hey, Mae. Can you hear me?"

    "Barely."

    "I'm headed to my truck! I'll call you in a bit!"

He calls back, instructing a worker on what to do, then says, "Hey, what's up?"

    "Have detectives contacted you?"

    "Yes, a couple of days ago."

    "Why didn't you tell me? What'd they say?"

    "I was pissed over the questions they asked me. I ended up cussing them out. I was so upset I refused to upset you with that nonsense, so I didn't say anything to you. I'm sorry. Did they question you?"

    "Yes, my lawyer and I went in for questioning yesterday. I was so upset, I drank until I passed out. I'm just waking up from last night. Have they contacted Trevor?"

    "I don't think so. I told him they called me, but they hadn't reached out to him yet. But he assured me he'd tell me as soon as they did and wouldn't call and upset you."

    "Has Trevor been acting strange to you?"

    "I didn't want to say it, but yes. I believe King's in his ear. Trev's pretty messed up over Lola. He doesn't express it, but he's too close to King for me these days."

    "Solomon was leaving as I arrived, but my lawyer says he wasn't being questioned. He's positive the police asked him to be there to confuse me and to see my reaction to seeing him."

    "Good observation by your lawyer. Right, he happens to choose the same day right before your questioning? Get the fuck outta here! And who is this eyewitness? That's some hogwash, too!"

    "Let me call Trev. I have to know where his head is."

    "Alright. He's overseeing another construction site, so if he doesn't answer, that's why. I have him in charge across town."

We end our call, and I call Trevor. He texts back that he'll be over tonight. I run to the market so I can make his favorite meal. Blackened salmon, my special six-cheese Mac and cheese, garlic mashed potatoes, and steamed asparagus marinated in garlic butter. I make everything from scratch.