Green Eyed Monster

A Vehement Flame

There are different kinds of love, and all are powerful. The love God has for us, the love you have for your children, and they have for you is irreplaceable. I'm Lola's and Trevor's mommy. No matter what happens in life, I'll always be their mommy. I can't be replaced. 

But this romantic love is just messy because the person you want to kiss and make love to can be replaced. Also, they can replace you. But what becomes of that love when they can't be replaced? Or worse, when you love them and they never love you in return, but you can't seem to love anyone else? What happens then? What are you supposed to do? 

Oh, I know, pray without ceasing, then get over it. Or as Elgin said, confess your sins, pray, and then you'll be healed! Am I mocking the word of God? God forbid! Does His method work? Absolutely. But what do you do when you feel as if the love is so strong that you decide not to quote scripture but the words of these obsessive love songs?

 For example, a song my mother loves says, If loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right. Ahhh, Mama used to catch the Holy Ghost listening to that song! The words move you and put you in a romantic mood, but what happens when they minister to you? When they're melodic whispers seem to speak your truth?

Lola's gone into labor. I missed my Hyde being born, but there's no way I'm missing the birth of my second grandson. His name will be Lee. 

Lola's been having contractions since 11 a.m. It's now 2 a.m., and she's dilated five centimeters. Her meds finally put her to sleep. Drake and Trevor have to work in the morning, so they left just after 9 p.m. They dropped my mother and Hyde off. Ernest and Stacy are in Greece. David and Leah left at 6 p.m. They have to be in Indiana today to speak at a business conference. 

Solomon left me alone with Lola. She's still sound asleep, so I kiss her forehead and then head to our lounge area.

Solomon's in there watching television. His legs are stretched out and spread apart, with his head back and his hands resting in his lap. Once I enter the room, he looks my way. I go to get coffee out of the vending machine, but I know it'll be awful, so I ask, "Did you see a coffee shop in here?"

    "Yeah, it's near the gift shop."

    "Whew, thanks."

As I turned to leave, he stood and said, "I need coffee too. Let me check on Lola, then we can go together."

We're walking in silence when he takes out his cellphone and smiles and says, "Hyde texted me. Look!"

Hyde has sent all kinds of hearts and kissing emojis. He then leaves a voicemail saying, "I love you, daddy. Kiss mommy and Lee for me. Bye-bye."

    "He's so special." I chuckle.

Solomon glances my way, smiling and nodding. Then he says, "I told Lola, we're not having any more big events until our families stop fighting."

    "Well, then you'll probably never have a big event again in life. Families fight. Families thrive off of drama, I'm convinced."

    "Sorry, I cussed at you at Lee's shower. Seeing Uncle Roger like that messed me up."

    "He's grieving, as you all are. We all grieve differently. His method seems the most damaging, but it is the one we can see and aid. It's those who grieve in silence that self-destruct because no one sees they're hurting."

He glances my way, so I grab his arm, stopping him. I sigh, "Solomon, you have to talk about it."

    "Mae, I don't want to. Plus, I don't even know where to start. How can you love someone so much yet hate them equally as much at the same time?"

    "You may not believe it, but I know exactly how you feel. No one saw this coming. No one. So we all can relate to your grief somehow or another."

    "Thanks, Mae."

    "I know you want to be strong in front of your wife and son, soon children, but if you ever need to just ...be, I'm always here for you."

He stands dazed in space before he whispers, "I appreciate that, Mae."

We're back in the lounge area when Solomon says, "My nana's lawyer called me again today. She left everything to me, but I don't want it. I told Uncle Roger he could have everything, but he says he wants nothing from her, too. You still love her, don't you, Mae?"

    "Will you judge me if I say yes?"

    "I figured I'd offer everything to you. I'll never tell my sons that story, but I know one day someone will mention her, and they'll inquire about it. I figure you can hold on to it for me for a while. If my heart ever heals, then I can see what she's left and maybe allow my son to see a photo of her at least. But you have to promise me you won't tell Lola or my sons anything until I say it's okay. Can you do that?"

    "For you and my family, I will."

    "Thanks, Mae. I'll have him call you in the next day or two."

    "I'll be waiting."

Moments later, the nurse enters saying, "Mr. York, your wife's looking for you."

    "Thanks."

Solomon leaves, and she says, "You may want to come too. I think she's about to give birth very soon." Jumping up, grinning, I follow her.