Why everything is so exciting?

Part 1. Chapter 14.

When I was traveling in a car taxi at a cafe in Brooklyn, I was thinking about was whether I was doing. Yes, I love Rufus, I want to be with nim.Da. We're broke before our children came together and we had a chance. Then why all this? I know, I'll be to blame. Just. It. He has changed a lot over the last five years. We parted because he could not understand my world, I could not understand that there are no right people, because it is impossible to live here. During these five years he became more like a resident of the Upper East - Side, probably the matter is that Dan and Serena. Or just Dan. No, it does not matter. He now lives in the house next door, I see him every day when I leave the house and that's difficult. Maybe if he still lived in Brooklyn, we would not even think about what would have to begin to meet secretly. Of course not. Then he would not have kept watch me every morning at home. It should probably talk about it. Do we want this really is and whether we should risk it for the sake of something. And for what? No, we definitely need to talk about it.
During the time while I sat and thought about how I would start a conversation right now, I have not noticed how drove to a cafe and had to leave the car. I paid and left the taxi heading to the door of the cafe. Opening the door, I immediately saw him and his smile. How can I not notice? He was sitting at a distant table by the wall. Yes. She sits by the window is too dangerous. I exhaled and went to him as soon as I started to approach, he stood up and continued to smile at me the very sexy smile, I always afraid. He helped me to sit pododvinuv chair and I did not notice how he ended up in front of me.
- I am glad to see you! - Strange for all the time that we see each other, and it is 4 minutes, maybe five, we did not say a word to each other, it is good that he has decided to speak because I did not know where to start.
- Rufus, we saw half an hour ago. - He looked at his watch and smiled.
- Hour, Lily hour. But I do not blame you.
- An hour? - I looked at my watch and realized that I probably dolgovato sat in the car thinking about how to start a conversation, and now seems to make the same mistake.
- Liil. - He put his hand on my arm, which was lying on the table - Are you all right? - I slowly closed her eyes, breathed in the air and looked at him.
- Yes. - There is no better tell the truth - I mean, no. - He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.
- What happened in that hour?
- I do not know, just seems without your influence on me, I began to look into the very essence of the situation.
- Yes? And what are you saw?
- Rufus, let's face it. If you're still living in Brooklyn, we would not have met today.
- Why do you think that?
- Judge for yourself. Five years we hardly talked. There were only some dinner or the holidays. As soon as you move to the next house. What has happened since? I wanted the thrill? I do not want it! I do not want us to be together because we have a common past.
- Lil ...
- Rufus, you just judge for yourself. I am ready to take risks, but I have to know for what. I do not want to risk marriage, your, your ...
- I do not care for my marriage ..
- ... Or married children .. Do not interrupt, please, I did not finish, so I barely had the courage to say that it would. Just thing for me is that I need to know why, for what and for whom I risk. - I looked at him, tired appearance, because the words that have just had to say, I took too much effort ..
- Lily. - He sighed, walked all the cafes look as if hoping to find an answer on the walls, and then looked back at me - I know. You're worried. But if you want to know why, I will answer. All the five years I was afraid to approach you if only because then you gave me to know that we're just friends.
- What has changed now?
- Well, at least what we saw each other every day, and I saw you nervous, but compared to me you knew how to hide. And so I decided to try. Try to do at least something for whatever you smile again beside me, not enough to breathe and began to run away. - I smiled and looked at him, and he with me. So much affection, so much love was in his few sentences. Perhaps someone they would have seemed mean and do not disclose the fact, but I know that he was nervous every time I get nervous. And for that I am grateful. Now I just look at him and think about what I could say to his words, but realized that nothing else but a smile can not answer, though his reaction, I realized that he had enough of this, he still stared at me and then I decided to translate the theme, and for this I am very grateful to him too ...
- Will the coffee? Or are you hungry?
- Nothing compares to the hunger that I feel now looking at your smile. - I smiled, and he did it again. He will smile again so so .. if this is difficult to give an example, I just know that for me his smile, is more than a word, he was always smiling and sincere about this so happy. I am so grateful to him for that.
- Lil, thank you all the same smile with me.
- Rufus, just thank you for what you're smiling.