Why everything is so exciting?

Part 2. Chapter 6.

After the conversation with Rufus I came home, William collect the suitcase, I went, became the door looked at the way he runs in search of regular suits.
- Honey, I'd better take the black tuxedo or the gray suit?
- Gray does not suit you, and I tell you this - he hung a gray suit in the closet pursing her lips and put a tuxedo on the bed that would pack in a suitcase ..
- And these shoes or those?
- Classic goes out of fashion. - I said with indifference again pushing his back and his head on the doorway ...
- Lily, you can still go with me? - He stopped for a moment to collect things and looked at me ..
- Do you want this?
- Well, I suggested you ..-
I just smiled, walked away from the door and walked to the closet in the hallway off his coat there ... William looked out of the room and looked at it, as I sat at the cabinet ..
- Lily, are you all right?
- More than. William remind you where you fly there?
- In Geneva. NAAA convention ... - he said it slowly, like a small child, probably what I'd better learn the material ...
- Mmmm ... good luck - he said exhaling - Tomorrow?
- Yes .. We still have time ..
- For what? - I looked up at him through the corridor, he stood at the door to the room and did not understand what is wrong with me, and I did not understand, and I was just very calm ... I had to connect all of its acting, that would look as much as possible, a deadpan ...
- Lily, it's just for a few days and ...
- William - I abruptly interrupted him and looked him in the eye .. I always knew when a person is lying to me. - Do you love me?
- With all my heart - he went took my hand and kissed it.
- And love? Then, when he left .. - I carefully looked into his eyes, which could see the fear response ..
- Of course - he said it is trying to put some acting ability in this answer ...
- Then .... Why do you ..
- I leave? Lily, I told you that ..
- No .. no .. Why have you left. William van der Woodsen. then. when I loved me .. slept with my sister? - I looked into his eyes, apparently with a hatred that is trying to hide. we never talked with him about it and I think it's time ..
- Lily ... it ..
- It was a long time? Yes, I know .. my niece has 20 ... though .. how to say .. stepdaughter?
- Lily please let's not talk about it ..
- Well, let's not. - I abruptly stood up from the couch and walked into the room, William followed me ..
I went into the room and went to the closet to reach from the suitcase.
- I'll help you pack. - Smiled .. - This tuxedo .. -dostala hanger with cabinet - will be fine for you to sit ..
- Take these shoes - shoes, too, put in a suitcase .. - some shirts .. Blue and this too .. She likes you .. - William went to the closet and pulled out a shirt from there that suits Rufus, that night when I broke his shirt. - No! - I pulled his shirt and threw it squeezed into the cabinet - onaa .. do not wash ..
- I'm not wearing it ..
- At all?
- Well, for a long time ...
- But there is nothing to throw things around the house! I am for you to clean up not going.!
- Come on. Look, it is not dirty! - He again pulled his shirt, and I selected it again ..
- I said no! She won and smoother ..
- Yes, I poglazhu - said in surprise ..
- She's torn ..
- Gdeee? - William has clearly had enough of it, and he looked sternly at me ..
- Yes, that's the same! - I threw up her hands and tore his shirt - see what hole? - I smiled, threw his shirt to the floor, turned and walked out of the bedroom ..
- Lily - only heard his cries from behind! - What's going on with you? Why did you do that? -
I went down the steps into the living room and went to the bar took out a glass of whiskey and poured herself quickly drank it ..
- Lily - he came up to me and I abruptly kissed him .. I would try to forget Rufus wanted to know what kind of feelings I experience when a kiss with William .. When I kiss Rufus, I feel like the whole world is running out from under the feet, I do not I can stand, I think about something beautiful about our future or just about us, but now ... no matter how passionate I am not trying to make this a kiss, as if William did not try to answer it, I did not feel that. Absolutely. Just nothing. Emptiness. Despair. Anger. William wanted to unbutton my dress, but I quickly moved away from him and looked into his eyes ... There I also saw nothing. Instead, happiness, love, warmth, celestial lights, I saw only darkness and hatred ... This is a reflection of my feelings for Wilma. Void .. And in my heart and in my head. I do not feel to it. How many times I threw Rufus. Every time he forgave me. Everytime. When he speaks about love, I can not hold back a smile and just getting lucky. When I love says William, I feel nothing but pity and disgust .. After he left me with the kids, he cheated on me several times and cheated on me with my sister. And I forgave him. Really I can not forgive a lie Rufus? Now yes. Honesty is important .. But I'm sure that we can do something for the sake of our senses.
As I looked into the eyes of William and whiskey reached the stomach, and I was not even breathing, but in a second I felt warmth in my heart, closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, as the bud skhlypnuv .. I thought that came to me some sense and knowing that I have to do ...
- Forgive me. I need to go.
- He had knocked his head and looked at me when I was already at the elevator .. - when you come?
- I have to go - in these words, I smiled - Go see? - I smiled even more speaking these words every time. - Go - he repeated again with the huge smile of happiness and stepped into the elevator. William tried to come after me, he did not understand what was happening, but did not ... I looked at the clock it was twenty minutes to eight. Rufus said that the nine aircraft flies Clarissa and I headed to the airport in the hope that he is there, in the hope that I will meet him there ...
I caught a taxi and quickly said that I need at the airport, all the way I thought about what I have to tell Rufus, for that would atone ..
An hour later I was at the airport, I do not know how so quickly with these New York stoppers ...
I quickly went to the cash registers in the hope that his wife had already been registered, but it is still there. In principle, and it turned out it just was the last one to register, but that did not stop me and I quickly went to Rufus. - Rufus - I smiled as I could, when he turned and saw me, smiled, and he seems to have understood that I made my choice, I went up to him and hugged him strongly - Rufus - he did the same in return ..
- I did not have to choose ... I just need to understand who loves me really .. - I finally after said softly words opened my eyes - and saw in the distance behind the parapet Clarissa, who looked at us with tears .. - I closed her eyes again because it hurt to look like I hurt her my happiness ..
- I was hoping that this time you will make the right choice .. - Rufus slightly pushed me away and looked into his eyes and then kissed .. - I closed my eyes and yes .. I felt that feeling every time you touch his lips to me .. That's what I said: the warmth, affection, and love. This is what I lacked ..
- I love you - I smiled at the words of Rufus as I could.
- I love you too! I have always loved. - I looked into his eyes and saw what I wanted to see .. He smiled even look, smiled with every fiber of his reflection in my eyes, because they were brimming with tears navernuvshihsya I tried to reassure her. We just looked at each other and we have learned what we need to do next. Run? To live? Going somewhere? It was all so strange. Yes, I confess, we do not understand what we need to do, but I felt that he was there. And that was what we both needed ...