Never Meant to (Book one of series)

|What is You On?|

Zhi

Coco was mad Zhi ditched her at prom but he had to get out of there. He wanted to get away from everyone, because he wasn't sure if what happened in the library was real or he was just drunk and high and hallucinated it. Which would be even worse, because why would he be hallucinating Ace stroking his fucking manhood? He ran out of the building and vomited on the sidewalk. He wasn't gay. He hated that type of shit. People can love and fuck who they want but he only wanted girls. Ace would have to fight him, he bitched him out in there, caught him off guard. For now he just wanted to go shower and get these crazy and confusing thoughts out his head.

When he woke up the next morning he has calls and texted messages from Coco and this nigga Ace. He didn't respond to anyone, he put his phone on airplane mode. He scrubbed his body so much in the shower last night, he's surprised he had skin still attached. There was a knock at the door. "Baby, Samson and I are heading to church, there's breakfast if you want it."

"Okay ma," once he was sure they were gone. His head fell onto his pillow and he felt tears run down his face. Fuck you Ace. He physically and mentally felt sick. He didn't move from his bed, besides to use the bathroom, he didn't even have an appetite. Did he give his best friend mixed signals? Hell no! He never gave this man any reason to believe he swung that way, but most importantly when did he start liking guys? This is why dude been acting weird lately, it ain't have anything to do with exams and graduation. Ace was gay.

There was a knock downstairs and Zhi really didn't feel like going down to answer it. He forced himself from bed and slowly walked down the stairs to the door. "Who is it?" There was no answer. He knew immediately who it was and hesitated to open the door, as soon as he did, he pulled Ace inside he pushed him up against the wall. "Nigga, I should fuckin kill you!"

"Zhi, look I'm sorry. I shouldn't have did that without your permission."

"No! You shouldn't have did that shit ever! Permission or not, what is you on? Where this came from?"

Ace had his hands up like he was surrendering. "If you let me go we can sit down and talk about everything."

Zhi had to think long and hard. Did he even want an explanation? Part of him just wanted to beat his ass and kick him out, but angry or not, it wasn't possible. Ace wasn't letting nobody beat his ass. "Close my door and sit on the couch, we not going to my room."

"You think imma just take it or something..." he appeared offended.

"I'm not sure about what you're capable of anymore."

"Nigga I don't take, if you had said no or stop at anytime I would have."

"I didn't want that shit at all Ace, let's be clear, I ain't say it out loud and I'm not sure why. My body reacted to you but I was saying no in my head."

"I fucked up bro, I crossed the line and for that I may have lost you but imma be honest. I like females and guys, and as much as you may hate this," Ace looked straight into his eyes. "I like you the most."

Zhi shook his head. "How the fuck am I suppose to accept this? What and just go on with our merry lives, or you thought I'd just be like 'I feel the same way, let's be together'.

Ace shook his head. "No, I knew it would probably go exactly like this if not worse. Which is why I never planned on telling you. I was going to graduate, go off to college and stay as far away from you as I could." He sighed. "It was becoming almost impossible to be around you anymore. At least without thinking about you in ways that..." he sighed deeply. "In ways I think about females."

"I'm not a bitch Ace."

"I know that, but I'm extremely attracted to you and the simplest shit sets me off."

He covers his ears. "That's enough information bro, for real."

Zhi tried to hide the tears but they came running down his cheeks. "I will never be okay with this, and call me homophobic and maybe I am." He wiped his tears. "But knowing you like guys and especially like me...the shit is fuckin with me mentally."

Ace stood up. "Zhi please, I don't wanna lose you."

Zhi took a step back. "Ace, please do not touch me, imma spazz for real."

Ace put his hands down. "Sorry,"

"Nigga, you is like the most important person to me, next to my mom and it's feeling like someone rippin my heart outta my fuckin chest. But I cannot continue this friendship under these circumstances."

"Zhi, I can't do this without you man." Ace was crying now also. "I will never in my life try you,"

"It's too late bro! Don't you realize you can't take this shit back? I fuckin busted in your hand last night. We ain't boys no more after you seeing me like that, I can't do it. This is goodbye man."

They just stood there for a few minutes in silence, just crying. Ace wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll go." He went to leave. "I'm proud of you man, I admire you, imma miss you. I pray nothing but great things come your way. You deserve all great things. Love you man."

Zhi just nodded. "Yeah, same."

In with that Ace walked out the front door and Zhi listened to him crank up his car and leave. He didn't even walk for graduation. Zhi's mom said he just picked up his diploma from school and left for college early. Graduation was nothing like Zhi imagined. Coco wasn't even able to get his spirit up. For most of the summer he just sat around, playing his PlayStation five. He had removed Ace from all his social media and deleted his number from his phone. Some nights he still shed tears in the shower or in the bed. He finally came out and told his mom because she was threatening to take him to a doctor. She broke down and cried with him. Told him he should love Ace no matter what, and he did love him. Just couldn't be okay with his lifestyle. She said she was disappointed that he'd throw away a friendship like theirs. But he didn't throw it away, Ace did.

***********************

Summer was almost over and he finally moved into his dorm room at college. He ended up with a decent roommate. They went to a few parties together and with time, he thought about Ace less. Coco came to visit whenever she could, they really tried to make the long distance thing work. Ace just stayed buried in his school work, when he wasn't drinking until he passed out. Before he knew it, six months had flown by. Him and his roommate were comfortable with each other at this point. His name was Kurt, and he was guaranteed to go to the NFL, scouts were coming to watch him play all the time.

"Who that is in most of your pictures on your Instagram?" He asked one day.

"Nobody,"

Kurt smirked. "Seem like someone important. Y'all fell out or something?"

"Something like that,"

"Y'all couldn't work through it?"

"Kurt do I be all up your business?"Ace snapped.

"My bad homie, I just see you kinda staring at the pics sometimes, like you miss him. If that's the case just call, he probably would like to hear from you. I'm sure whatever it is, y'all can work through it."

Ace shook his head. "Naw, that ain't ever happening."

Kurt turned towards the wall and yawned. "Real friends don't let shit get in the way for too long. Night buddy,"

"Night Kurt."Ace placed his hands under his head and stared up at ceiling.

Awwwww he miss Ace🥹
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