Vent art, poetry, and just... vent

Vomit 3

This takes place 31 years after the previous one. The character in question is Named Error.

Burning
Boiling heat
A stinging feeling in my body
Burning deep inside of me
Abused
Tortured again and again

As a child
I was so young
I was helpless
Emotionless
I didn't understand
I will never understand

I aren't smiling anymore
I hold it
This will do
After multiple attempts
Hopefully this will work
Hopefully I will die

I clutch the neon glowing red knife
I see this glow
It's so warm and beautiful
I just needed it inside me

Not like that

I wasn't wearing my typical clothes
A grey hoodie, black pants
Messy filthy greasy hair
All knotted and dirty
My tired eyes, I haven't slept in three days
Unwashed yellow sharp teeth

I feel dirty
Disgusting
I feel as if I'm being shamed
Everything is against me
And I hate them for that
I'm so tired

It was the top of a mostly abandoned building
An apartment building
There were still residents
But not many
I light a cigarette

I start smoking
Legs dangling over the edge
Puffing the cigarette
Strong smoke rushing through the cigarette
My lungs are burning

Soon I finished
I felt so on edge
I was also literally on the edge
Anxiety crept up
I haven't felt this way in so many years
The feeling of incurable numbness

I lift the knife
I was less sure this time
I didn't really want to die
But it's the only way
The only way out
My vision gets blurry and fuzzy
I sigh

I don't even know
I hear footsteps
A woman
Atleast 17
Brown hair
Pale skin
Freckles and petite

I was silent for awhile
So was she
It was nice
Quiet
The sound of cars
But no people
Dogs barking in the distance

I don't remember what I was thinking
But I do remember that I felt numb
And....
Angry
Very...very angry
Not at the guy sitting next to me
No...
She's not the problem
Angry at the people who hurt me like this
The people who fucking hate me
Who used me

She started talking
Told me she knew I was going to kill myself
I was.... Shocked
A little bit atleast
She told me not to
But not.... In the way I thought she would
She told me that life isn't easy
It's not fair
It's not humane or fun

It's a disgusting mess
A void filled with colors

But the color is made of people
Humans
Nonhumans
Animals
Trees
Fuck, the worms we crush on the sidewalk on rainy days

But that's the fun
Color, chaos
Spiraling downward forever
Blood, mayhem, chaos
Snafu, Discord, Twitter

That's the reason she lived, apparently
Pain and suffering isn't optional
Empathy is dead
Humanity is not ok

Nobody is
But that's why you need to keep going
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel
But the tunnel isn't fun
But you can make it
Pain can always have twisted silver lining
You just have to make it
Suffering can lead to the oddest joy
She told me
One day I will find something, multiple something's to make it worth it.

I wonder if she knew
I wish I knew her
Her name
Her.... Anything
But she vanished, seemingly into thin air

I guess I really did have something's to live for

That was the last suicide attempt in over 200+ years.