To Put On An Act [bxb]

Chapter 39 - life sucks, and sometimes it's fine

After exactly nine weeks and one day of knowing each other, Youngbin and Alex were about to go on their first date. If one didn't count the visit to Neverland on the first day, and the night drive, and the second visit to Neverland, or any of that as dates. Looking back, maybe they were dates. Maybe Alex intended them to be dates and Youngbin was just too dense to accept them as that.

In the end, Youngbin had wanted a real date that was actually understood to be just that by both. Alex, naturally, rushed to invite him to Neverland a third time. This time without lying, and with being lovey dovey disgustingly in love.

A wonderful plan. For everyone but one.

Youngbin leaned against the doorframe to the living room. As if he hadn't stood here enough in the past weeks, usually meek and anxious to let his parents know he was going out. Now, his arms were crossed, gaze fixed onto some invisible spot at the back wall of the living room. His mother was talking. He wished she wasn't.

"I thought it's obvious to you by now that such a relationship is not real and does not work out in real life," she hissed, her eyes piercing Youngbin. He knew to not look at her, look at her face, at her eyes, or he may regret defying her order again and melt under her pressure.

"But it's working out," Youngbin managed to say before she raised her voice.

"And you never even listen to my advice. You never listen when I want to help you, and look what happened with Alex, he broke up and now-"

"I broke up, and it wasn't-"

"So you broke up! And then what, he came back crawling and you let him back in again?" Her voice was shrill, an unstable tone accompanying each of her words. "You are hurting yourself but when I tell you, you just get mad at me for wanting to keep you safe."

"Mom, listen, I know-"

"And then you act like I'm the evil one because everything I do and say is wrong when all I'm trying to do-"

"Mom, let me speak, please." Youngbin's fingers dug themselves into his arms, his nails turning white. "I know that you want to help but he's not like that, you don't know the full story, and I know it's-"

"What more story could there be? I've seen him, and I fully know why you broke up-"

"You don't!" Youngbin let out an exhausted breath, tilting his head upwards to stare against the white ceiling as though that would make his eyes sting less. "You don't know anything about him and me, that's the thing. I know it must look strange to you but why won't you trust me, once?"

"Why won't you trust me, Youngbin? If you just listened to me, I am your mother, do I mean nothing to you?"

"Of course- Okay. So give me advice then. Tell me what to do, I'm listening."

She fell silent for a couple of seconds, her next words laid out very carefully, spoken slowly. "I think you should stay away from relationships, and I think you should focus on school until you graduate, and I especially think that you shouldn't be seeing Alex. Because I don't think he's a very good... influence on you."

"So what is he influencing me to do?"

Again, silence. Inhale. "Well-" Exhale. Silence. Inhale. "You've been very rough. The way you speak and carry yourself has changed. There is-" She held her breath, something in her brain turning and rattling. "There's a certain way I expect a young man to behave. And you did behave, and then he came into your life, and suddenly you-"

Suddenly he stopped being a porcelain dollie. Suddenly the family's showpiece gained consciousness. Suddenly.

"Have you thought about that, maybe, I'm happier?" Her face twisted as though she was in pain. She hadn't. Had tried not to, at least. Ignored that fact in particular. "That I'm in love?"