when they ask you, who will be your eighteen roses?
you'll ask your self, Do I want 18 roses? Do I have someone to dance with?
In my 18 years of existence (kung papalarin) I've made a hundreds of personalities always sticking up in my mouth. just kidding maybe just 50 personas.
I want to be a astronaut, lawyer, psychologist, a scientist and probably to become a forensic psychologist. to study on a prestigious school in the country and to the foreign ones. i want to earn degrees, masterals and accomplishment and achievements that will make me feel confident and contented.
one day in september 2023, i came to realization that i am very much ccontented with the life i have that i dont care if this is the last day i have. im contented with the person i become, to what i experence and learn. to where i went to and to what i experience. that if i have a choice to stop my life at the moment, i would love to stop now.
i have too many dreams, to profession, to experineces, to foods and even a person i want to....
to become rich where money become a problem when not use, not where it is problem because we dont have any more money. i have to many in mind that its hard to put it into words.
i would love to achieve all my dreams to make my younger self proud, but as i think about it right now, it feels like all i want is to go far far away to where i am now.
I even wish to create a book that i will compile and publsih as soon as i turn 18. but my lazy ass will never let me.
i would love to hear my favorite singers, musicians and bands to perform their creations live. for me tp hear it without the boundary of phone and media. for me listen how they become breathless as they finish their songs. i would love to travel more and ex[erience extreme scenarios.
but then at that exact day, why do i feel like i have accomplish everything and ready myself to surrender my life.
i experice working, having my own money, receive awards and stand up in stages, make myself confident and make people proud of my creation, have a extrme emotion and kiligin using my emotions. i love the person ive become.
the way i think life, how i become different with my views in life. how i manage my life. i appreciate my efforts and facing my fears.
everybody is just a piece of dust in this universe, but we feel more than we can imagine, we feel widely as the universe. i would love to be inspired to continue life and disregard the emotions i feel right now. for it slow down my pace and it affects the people around me.
we could have end, we could, but then when and how?
in my 18 years of existence, this is just part of the personalities i made. one of the hundreds opinions i built.
there is more to life than the people. more than the standard they create. we could ended here but then there will always be a new season, a new episode, a new part of the story we are just building with tiny information on hand.
dissapoinment with human always stay, but hope for the best still conquer everthing.
poems may set as an alarm, it still wake me up that in this chaos where we call life, there is hope for an inpiration to continue.
it may be into a human form, a relization or just simply made by time, i still hope that in my existence, i would love to accomplish every dreams i made.
-christiane ivy
october 8, 2023 sunday 10:21 pm
