MY SPECIAL AGENT

49' Erased

Word count: 1.4k

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Renjun's POV:

I had gone home last night after sitting with Y/N for a few more hours. Mostly to get some rest and freshen up enough for her to recognize me when she finally wakes up. Only because I hadn't been myself in the last few days.

I prepare a positive, all white outfit, consisting of jeans, a sweater and a pair of airforce sneakers to go with. I want to look as fresh as possible and white just happens to do the job.

It's seven o'clock in the morning and I trust that Y/N should be up any time soon, so I make a run for it to my car. I don't even realize that I'm going without some of the boys, but that's not important right now. They could make it afterwards anywhere.

On my way there, I spot a flower shop so I stop by to grab new flowers for Y/N. This time I pick out red roses— something I've never brought before while she had been unconscious—because today is a special day.

I tell the shopkeeper to hand me a note and a pen so that I can write something memorable for Y/N to read when she wakes up. For her to remember this day. For her to know exactly how happy I am and how I feel about her. Hence the red roses.

The drive to the hospital doesn't take more than five more minutes. I run into the building and upstairs towards the floor Y/N is in. The doctor is the first person I meet before actually reaching the floor but I don't stop by long enough to greet him. I'm so excited that my manners fly out the window as I rush past him and into Y/N's room.

At first, I notice that the bed is empty which seems a bit off to me but only for a while, until I conclude that she must have taken a walk or gone to the bathroom. After carefully replacing the flowers in the case with the roses and setting the note prettily on top of the rest.

I sit down on the chair I've been sitting for the past week and patiently wait for Y/N to show up.

That doesn't happen soon at all. Even the boys reach here because Chenle and Jeno burst through the door minutes later.

"What are you doing here bro?" Chenle asks slowly, not in his usual voice, while spinning the ring on his finger. A habit he usually practiced while being in deep thoughts.

"Waiting for Y/N." I say as a matter of factly, casually stating the obvious. Jeno moves around Chenle and gets closer to me before he kneels down next to me. I stare at my friends weirdly because they're being quite unusual right now, which is making me feel uneasy.

"Did you-... Umm... Did you speak to the doctor?" Jeno asks in a whisper so low I almost don't hear him.

"No. Why? Is there something wrong? And plus, why are your'll acting like this?" I stand up now, not being able to take it anymore. I need to know what's going on.

"You should probably go outside and..." Chenle starts again but trails off when he notices the door opening.

This time it's Mark and Jaemin who are in here. Soon everybody might just join the room and Y/N still hasn't shown up. I'm starting to get extra worried, especially since my friends are behaving strangely.

The doctor steps in too, a second after that and he looks down and around my friend group before speaking.

"I was going to tell you this earlier but- anyways, let me just get ahead with it because it's my job as a doctor and by the looks of it, none of your friends have told you yet. " He fixes his glasses.

I patiently wait for whatever 'it' is because I'm so lost right now and I'm anyways good at suppressing my emotions.

"Y/N has partial memory loss, where she has forgotten about 2-3 years of her life, so that would mean she doesn't remember any of you guys. I'm not quite sure...." The doctor's voice trails off as the first few noticeable points in the first sentence play in my head repeatedly.

Partial memory loss. 2-3 years. Doesn't remember you guys. No, no, no, this can't be happening. We-

We had just-

Doesn't remember you guys. Doesn't remember me. Y/N doesn't remember me.

The doctor keeps on speaking words that I had stopped listening to a while ago now. Everything else in the room becomes a blur, including my friends, as I drown myself in my thoughts.

Until someone, I don't know who, because I'm not paying attention, makes me snap out of it by shaking me hard enough.

I look around the room as everyone is staring at me, before bolting outside through the door and into the corridor. The rest of the group is seated on the benches, shoulders slumped and heads lowered like they've just lost a member.

Not me though, because I don't share mutual feelings with them right now. I don't understand their pain so far because I have to see it for myself.

It doesn't take me long to find Y/N as she is seated outside in the hospital garden and on a wheelchair with her IV drip still attached to her. Approaching her slowly, I kneel in front of her as she flinches from the close contact but I don't care.

I don't say a word because I just sit there, staring at her with a burning gaze. The exact one I gave her, not long ago at Maya's function when I found her. Just trying to find out the entire truth in my way.

Y/N doesn't say a word at first, clearly getting uncomfortable as she melts away under my gaze. She finally gains the courage, before taking a deep breath and directly looking into my eyes.

"I-... You-... W-who are you?" She finally says. This one sentence of hers breaks me into a million pieces all over again, just like it had a week ago.

I don't want to believe that Y/N has completely forgotten me because that just isn't possible. Though it had only been a few months, more accurately to say three months, we'd gone through too much together.

From the first day she came to our house with a police complaint, to our first unofficial hangout together when she'd been anonymously attacked. That time was memorable as she fell into my arms. The first time she wore my shirt that same night, and Jaemin definitely takes the credit there.

I remember the night she was drugged and I had to drop her home and take care of her. Also the time she risked her life skiing and I shouted at her until she cried. Even the night I kidnapped her was memorable, that especially had to be it, despite me terrorizing her.

Too much had happened for all of it to be insignificantly erased like none of it meant nothing at all.

Suddenly, my heart, exhausted and beyond tired, gives up. Right at this moment. I'm usually a fighter, especially for what I desire but the pain in my heart right now is too unbearable.

Is love supposed to hurt like this? Why does it hurt so much? Do all lovers go through this? Especially when your lover refuses to recognize you.

I hadn't realized that I was tearing up, until Y/N reaches her hand out and wipes my it. "Don't cry." She says with the same pain visible in her eyes.

"Then please, don't say you don't know me." My voice cracks as Y/N's hand brushes past my left cheek to wipe out my tears.

"I know you." Y/N says in a low voice. This one sentence brings back every single peace of joy back into my heart as my face lifts up to look at hers. My eyes are filled with hope as more tears stream down my face unwillingly.

"You were there when I woke up earlier, I saw you." Y/N says, realization hitting me straight up and hard in the face. This doesn't change my expression though as hope is still invading my heart.