always ↬ leading me on || l.dh • h.rj • z.cl

·thirty·

"I'm sorry, Chenle," Donghyuck sighed, fingers tracing over the lines of the younger's palm constantly, "and I know that a simple apology will never be enough, but I wanted you to know that I regret it."

Chenle turned his head back around to face the elder, eyes shining with fresh tears and confusion, "wh-"

"I can't take back all of the things I've done to you, I can't cover up the scars I've left behind," he whispered, "but if I could, I'd do it. I'd take all of the pain myself if I could."

"D-Don't say things like that," the blonde shook his head, tear tracks lining his cheeks as his expression hardened, "d-don't say you'd take the pain, you don't know what it feels like. It probably seems so small to you, but it's not, it's such a big thing and you wouldn't be able to take it-"

"I know," the elder cut him off once again, "I know I wouldn't be able to take it, because I've been through it before."

The Chinese boy's mouth fell agape and he stared at Donghyuck blatantly, asking himself what the other meant.

He'd been through it before?

The tanned boy simply chuckled when he saw the other's face and his thumb stopped rubbing circles into his hand. His voice wavered when he spoke, but to Chenle, his words were as clear as day, "I was just like you."

Haechan's gaze fell to the little burn on his wrist that he himself had placed on the younger and he caressed it slowly, "I was happy and I got that happiness taken away from me so, so quickly for no reason. I was a normal kid-" he laughed bitterly, lifting his head up to rest against the wall and stare at the sky, "I was a normal kid and then I wasn't. All of a sudden everybody hated me and I didn't know why. They bullied me constantly and I couldn't get them to stop."

"You were b-bullied?"

"For years," Donghyuck replied, eyes drifting to the other's form, "everything I did to you, they'd done to me." And then he turned his own hand and showed the boy his wrist, where a similar burn lay, seared into his skin.

They were both crying now. Yet, they weren't crying for themselves, they were crying for each other. Because in their heads they knew that no one deserved to go through what they went through.

The torture was the only thing that was better going into alone.

"Jeno and Jaemin were the ones who saved me from all of it in the end," his smile was sad as he spoke, drawing the younger into his side as they both let crystalline droplets fall from their eyes, "I guess Renjun was the one who saved you."

The sun was beating down on them, shadows by their sides but still so far away from where they sat, embracing. And they cried, they cried under the smiling sunshine and they cried through the sound of the birds chirping softly. They cried as flower petals flew through the air and they cried as they locked eyes and smiled.

Between them, there was a small agreement, not one they were certain they could keep or dive into too deeply — it wasn't a pact between best friends.

It was a promise between two people who'd seen the worst of life, who saw themselves in each other and wanted that to change. Between two people who wanted to get to know each other passed the misery they shared.

And the spring air whispered about what they had said to each other without parting their lips. And the sun gleamed when it heard what they had told each other through their eyes.

The whole world stopped to smile when their promise graced its ears.

'No more trauma.'

‣‣

"Why did you do it though?" Chenle had asked once they had both settled again. Currently, the duo were wrapped up together in a soft hug as they basked in the warm sunlight that was shining down on them.

Chenle had texted Renjun that he'd be late so the elder should return home without him, and while he was sceptic at first because the blonde hadn't given him a reason, he let the boy be and decided he could ask later. Donghyuck had also informed his friends that he'd be staying back a while and they let it slide.

The orange haired boy sighed as he threw his head back, the veins in his neck prominent as they strained from the position. Chenle couldn't help but reach out a hand to trace them.

"Honestly, I don't know why," he started and it made the blonde stop his movements, "you know how they always talk about the bullied turning into the bully? It really isn't a lie." Chenle scoffed but let the other continue, "I guess I kinda liked the sick feeling of having power and making someone else's life miserable after all the shit I had gone through as a kid."

"That's-"

"-insane, I know. But you never really see the person you're hurting as a person, y'know? You just forget that they have emotions because you get drunk off of the feeling of being superior."

"You never saw me as a person?" Chenle's hurt was obvious in his voice, in the way he tried to shuffle away.

"I didn't. But be truthful, you didn't see me as a person either, did you?"

The younger stopped to think about it and ended up shaking his head, because he really didn't think Donghyuck had any sanity at times.

"So it's even I guess, but I'm sorry for that as well. I see you as a person now Chenle, I had to get it beat into me, but I see you as you are. It was disgusting of me, the way I treated you, and I'm feeling sick of myself as well, trust me."

"You better be," the Chinese boy glared playfully.

"Believe me, I am and I want to-" he gulped and turned away, "-if you give me a chance- I want to try and make things right again. I know that-"

"...okay."

"W-What?"

"I said 'okay', you dumbass."