always ↬ leading me on || l.dh • h.rj • z.cl

·seventeen·

"Wanna recap me on everything I've missed these past few years?" Renjun asked, his breath warm against Chenle's ear as his fingers sifted through the boy's silky tresses.

Chenle purred in satisfaction and pressed the side of his face deeper into the other's chest. His rich brown orbs locked with black ones and he hummed his compliance to the elder's request, hands lightly caressing his sides as he contemplated where to start from.

"It wasn't that bad at first," he breathed, "I got along with everyone just fine, but then one day Donghyuck got angry and he took it all out on me."

The younger's Mandarin slurred slightly as he continued, a tightness starting to form in his throat that he kept on trying to swallow back. "I didn't know why it had to be me, it c-could've been anyone but me."

The minute movements of his hands halted to a stop before Chenle removed them from Renjun altogether, rolling onto his back with an arm brought up to cover his eyes.

"Ever since then, everyone started hating me. I-I don't know why, but it hurt so much. I was so scared...and you weren't there either."

Chenle's voice just seemed to be getting quieter the more he spoke. His breaths came out laboured with every word and Renjun couldn't imagine what he had to suffer to get to a stage like this. He'd never seen him in this state and his heart wrenched at the sight.

"I thought that m-maybe it was just a one time thing," he choked out. "T-Thought that maybe the pain would go away. But I'd become Donghyuck's favourite victim and everyone's worst enemy by the end of the year...a-and it just went on."

Renjun could see the wet sheen on Chenle's cheeks and he stopped to wonder how many times they'd both cried in this one day. He wondered if Chenle had cried like this everyday while Renjun wasn't around to see.

"Chenle." He moved the boy's arm away from his face, rubbing the back of his hand softly as he looked down at it, "I'm sorry Chenle, I can't take back your pain. I can't take back all the shit you've been through and I can't just make you forget." He shook his head, "As much as I want to, I can't."

He laced their fingers together before meeting the blonde's burnt out eyes once again, "but I promise to give you new memories. I promise to make happier ones with you, until all the pain is pushed away."

Renjun let his free hand brush against Chenle's cheekbone, it wasn't there anymore, but he could still see the tamed purple that used to be there. "The past will always stick with you, it doesn't have to be haunting to do that. So please, let me numb the hurt that it holds."

Chenle squeezed the hand that was holding his as he peered up at the elder. "And then when you look back, it'll only be a sad scene from a movie. That miserable boy who stood alone outside in the rain won't be you anymore."

Renjun's hold on Chenle's hand loosened for a split second as he wavered, but he got a hold of himself, "let me replace the pain so that you'll never see yourself in those moments again. That lonely boy; he isn't you anymore. Because you've got me and I've got you. We can take the world on easily," a broken grin spread across his face, "right?"

Chenle cracked a small smile. Not a sad one, just one that said 'I'll let you help me heal'. It was one that held trust, one that hid the brightest of the Sun's rays within it.

"Right."

They both hugged each other then and the world fell away from them. It was just Chenle and Renjun. Just the two of them, against the pitch black. And they shone like the Sun and Moon did in the sky and they cried like the Sun and Moon would if they ever got to meet. Because the Sun and Moon were lonely, and the Sun and Moon were beautiful.

Because the Sun and Moon were made for each other.

And so were Chenle and Renjun.

‣‣

When the two had pulled away from the warm embrace, they had returned to their previous position, the younger resting his head on Renjun's chest and listening to his heartbeat drum on steadily. Chenle opened his mouth to ask a question.

"Gege?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can we start making happy memories...now?"

Renjun looked down at the boy and smiled, "of course we can Lele."

Chenle didn't know if it was right to ask for this. He didn't know if he should. He didn't want to be selfish, but what he wanted was selfish. He just didn't think he had it in him to keep it up any longer. The facáde that he had created specially for Renjun, the one where he didn't love the ravenette.

Obviously he did, but for Renjun he acted like he didn't, acted like all he ever wanted from the other was a forever friendship.

In reality, he wanted so much more than that.

Chenle swallowed, he'd just gotten Renjun back after so long, would he really risk losing him again? If things went wrong, it'd be forever this time. He'd lose his Renjun and he wouldn't be able to get him back. He didn't want that. But his heart couldn't take it anymore and he knew that it was so close to breaking.

Again.

He didn't think it could take anymore, it'd been shattered and pieced back together constantly, always by the same person.

It wasn't Renjun's fault though, it's not like he was aware of the fact that every time he smiled, it tore the younger apart knowing that he couldn't claim it. He couldn't see the way Chenle's smile faltered everytime he talked to someone else, because Chenle didn't have a right to feel the jealousy it created. He failed to notice that he always led Chenle on with the hope that his feelings were returned, but Chenle couldn't be angry about that.

Renjun wasn't his after all.

And so he decided he'd rather just lose it all while he didn't have it. Renjun had told him once, that a poor man doesn't get robbed because he has nothing to give.

So he let it slip, four words used up to form one question. It could only go up or downhill from here on out.

"Can I kiss you?"