always ↬ leading me on || l.dh • h.rj • z.cl

·thirty seven·

"Honestly, I think I have an idea of why you're feeling this kinda way," Chenle huffed out as he leaned back on the palms of his hands, "it's just a hunch so I'm not sure, but there's a way we can confirm it."

Donghyuck's ears perked up at the blonde's words and he scrambled towards him with big eyes, words punctuated by the slightly pleading and lost expression he wore, "tell me, please."

"My guess is that you've got a crush on gege," he said with a flat tone that morphed into a cheery laugh as the orange haired boy in front of him gaped and Renjun started choking on air from beside him.

"What the fuck Chenle?!" the ravenette spluttered, "why the hell-"

"I'm saying this from experience. I've felt stuff like this before."

"H-How can you be sure?" Donghyuck managed to stutter out, a profuse blush spreading across his cheeks as he glanced towards Renjun as subtly as he could, which really, wasn't subtle at all.

"Like I said, there's a way we can confirm it," he answered, enjoying the way the elder was getting flustered - after all, he'd never seen this side of him before, "and that's if you two kiss."

"WHAT?!" the both of them screamed simultaneously, not being able to comprehend what the younger Chinese was saying.

Renjun was completely and utterly stunned by Chenle's abrupt proposition that entailed kissing the boy that had bullied him for years, stumbling over his words as he tried to voice them, "C-Chenle- I thought- you- we- how can you be okay with that?"

Somewhere, the ravenette was a little upset at the fact that he could say something like that after they had shared so many kisses and exchanged so many words with each other. He was sure he made it clear by now that he felt something towards the younger, but Chenle was acting like he hadn't.

"I'm not gonna be, but might as well find out who my competition is before they become bold, right?"

"Chenle," Renjun groaned, tone slightly below a whine, "you can't just talk about it like that!"

"Just kiss, we can talk about the embarrassment afterwards, okay?"

‣‣

Donghyuck's hands were shaking as he leaned in slowly and placed them on Renjun's chest, lips parting the slightest bit as the space between them got smaller and smaller. He closed his eyes the minute he felt Renjun's hands hesitantly cup his face, not wanting to see the crestfallen look that had immediately graced Chenle's features.

When their lips had finally fell upon each other, the boy felt his world fall away from him, he felt it sinking down his bones and seeping into the ground as he drew Renjun - in all of his coldness, closer to him.

There was no spark, no fire or passion, it was cold - like water that had frozen over continuously, yet it felt right.

It felt so right.

Like the damp touch of sombre mornings in the middle of autumn and the harsh intensity of the snowstorms that would frequent the country during his childhood - kissing Renjun like this felt like living life all over again.

Almost as if the fingers that threaded their way through his hair and pulled him forwards were the very fingers that pointed at him and mocked him when he was still young. As if the tongue that danced so languidly with his was the same tongue that was used to speak words of comfort and reassurance to him when he'd break down.

In Renjun's hold, so tight yet so loose at the same time - he felt all of the brutality and all of the beauty of the world once again and he was reminded of who he used to be and who he was today.

He leaned in, trying to dive into the ocean of familiarity that filled out before him, trying to drown himself under the ceaseless waves and the crashing layers of salty water. He wanted more - wanted to feel the weight of the world pushing him down one last time and then the satisfaction that came with standing against the pressure.

Donghyuck was chasing the feeling now, the taste that was so explicitly Renjun, that it made him feel like he was standing under a shower of warm rain. Donghyuck chased it all.

And then he was pushed away.

The shadow of Renjun's retreating figure that painted the ground was the only thing Donghyuck's eyes followed, head tilted down; refusing to look up at the blonde who was nearing closer to him by the second.

"Donghyuck," Chenle called out, "Donghyuck, it's okay."

At those words, the older boy's head snapped up and in an attempt to glare at the other, he narrowed his eyes, which only caused the building tears to slip from them. "It's not okay Chenle," Donghyuck managed to sigh, tugging his swollen bottom lip between his teeth and letting his hands come up to wipe at his eyes - he felt like such a crybaby, "I- I enjoyed that- it's not okay."

"You enjoyed it?"

"Y-Yeah. I'm sor-" Donghyuck attempted to say, cut off before he could even get the proper words out.

"If you apologise, I'm gonna be upset. Don't."

"H-Huh?" he sniffled, confused.

"You don't apologise for doing things you enjoy, if you kissed gege and you liked it, that's that. I can't stop you from feeling what you feel and frankly, I don't want to," Chenle said as he stood up, reaching his hand out to help Donghyuck off the ground, "after all, this isn't about you and me anymore, we've already agreed to put our past behind us. This is about who gege will choose to be with, this is about who gege will want to come home to at the end of a long day, this is about who he loves."

The orange haired boy, although stunned at Chenle's actions, couldn't really deny his words and so, with a pounding heart, he took his outstretched hand and hoisted himself up, drawing the other into a hug before he could let go.

"Thank you," he whispered and he meant it when he said it, he was thankful that Chenle was giving him a chance to pursue these newfound feelings even though the younger obviously had some ongoing history with Renjun.

"My pleasure, love rival," the blonde giggled, wrapping his arms around the other's waist, "I guess this is the part where you're accepting your crush on gege, right?"

And with those words, Donghyuck choked for the umpteenth time that day.