always ↬ leading me on || l.dh • h.rj • z.cl

·forty four·

Jaemin let out a tired sigh as he fell back onto the sofa and closed his eyes; the little puppy that he and Jeno had adopted from the nearby shelter jumping up to curl beside him.

He was feeling restless.

Jisung hadn't left his house in days and every time the elder tried to get him to come out, he'd refuse. Jaemin didn't blame him either, he was the youngest of them all and they always made sure to pamper him — he hadn't been exposed to any of their fights or arguments in the past so of course he wasn't taking it well, but in truth, none of them were. Despite their friendly banter and playful debates, they never had a fallout quite like this and nothing could have prepared them for it, whatever it was.

It hurt him, to see everyone else hurt, all he'd ever really wished for was them to stay together and that seemed impossible now. He had it in himself to blame Renjun and Chenle for coming along and setting fire to every beautiful chapter that the five had written without them, but he didn't. He knew it wasn't their fault — it wasn't anyone's fault.

Life was like that, filled with temporary solace and crafted upon pretty little lies under the guise of promises. No two people could ever stay together for an eternity, if not broken apart by misunderstandings and differences, then instead by death or sickness. It was cruel and sometimes, he liked to believe it wasn't true, liked to feed into the hope he'd planted into his mind so long ago that everything would be okay, that the sun would rise again and all the darkness would disappear into the dawn.

He sincerely believed that — once upon a time, when it was still just him, Jeno and Donghyuck. He'd said all of those things because he thought that it was possible.

He thought that he could do it.

That he could be a home and a heart and a haven.

That he could protect the ones he cared for and nurture their happiness.

And maybe he could have, all those years ago. Maybe he could have done all of those things and more because back then, he had a childish innocence that didn't see the warning signs.

The brunet's eyes fluttered open as he heard a shuffle of feet from the direction of the door, the puppy beside him leaping up with a small woof as he bounded towards the newcomer.

"You're back early," he said, distaste seeping through his tone, "I thought you were gonna be gone for another hour at the least, y'know, fighting with Mark hyung over some stupid shit."

Jeno, from where he was crouched with their pet, ran a hand through his hair and stood up, guilt morphing into his expression, "Jaem, I'm sor-"

"What's the point in saying sorry anymore Jeno?" he spat out, lifting his head to send a bitter glare in the older boy's direction. "What's the point, when all you've done is made us fall apart even more? Was there ever any need for you to butt into your parents' business? To make a scene of it all and take a s-side and-" he stopped, rubbing at his eyes then taking a few breaths to steady his voice, "a-and hurt all of our friends? Did you have to do that?"

Strong arms wrapped around his frame and it took him a second to realise that Jeno was crying too, the warm liquid soaking into the fabric of his shirt.

The blonde sniffled against Jaemin's shoulder as he croaked out muffled apologies. He knew that he was in the wrong about all of this, that he shouldn't have spoken up against Mark when the older was only trying to do justice.

He just couldn't help himself, something inside of him pulled when Donghyuck was brought up — that side of him that looked over the younger and wanted to protect him.

Donghyuck's father was a kind man, the owner of one of South Korea's largest companies — extremely humble and giving and Renjun's mother was looking for business partners in Seoul so she used her son's connections to Donghyuck to wiggle her way into his father's office and strike a deal. If she somehow got the two together, he would let her manage one of his branches.

Obviously, this meant that she would have to be watched constantly to make sure she was a reliable asset who wouldn't leak any confidential information. So he hired Jeno's father and Mark's mother to provide as much information about the woman as possible; the duo being well-known private investigators who had their own rival firms.

Jeno supported them whole-heartedly, but Mark was against it and that was where they had a disagreement. The older boy had wanted them all to realise that it wasn't their place to dictate and control how one's relationship should go with another and that they shouldn't contribute in any way. Jeno on the other hand, was only thinking about how happy it would make Donghyuck if Renjun returned his feelings.

They had been arguing about it for days and slowly, he'd come to realise that it was doing more harm than good. Renjun and Chenle's friendship had come to ruins and the younger boy had been suffering the brunt of it all. Not to mention how Donghyuck had started to become more reserved with them after finding out they had something to do with the way Renjun had been acting with him as of lately — all put on and fake.

He felt so small and vulnerable now, lost and washed away with the high tide that came to and fro, wrecking the ships that they had set to sail. Yet, when Jaemin cradled him within his arms and whispered in his ears that he forgave him, the sting of salted water in his eyes and on his tongue didn't seem to bother him anymore.

"I'm sorry," he repeated for the last time.

"It's okay," Jaemin lulled, "it's okay even if it's not okay. Life isn't worth living without a little pain."